AIBU School Play do other grandparents get invited?

MyGD is playing Annie and has told us she doesn’t want us to go but will have a screening when we can watch the video!

We've never expected to invited to birthday parties or school events but have been very lucky to be included in some of these.

We did 2 of DGD's pre-school birthday parities as extra helpers as much as GP's. Now we go for a visit and have cake close to DGD's birthday.

As for plays, church services etc we usually go to afternoon sessions as DD and SIL are at work and as there is no after school clubs after these events so it's as much about helping out and DGD having someone there to see her :-)

When the school do things on an evening DD and SIL go so we all get a to share these things.

However, DGD's other Gran lives too far away and no longer drives so sadly she only get the DVD. DGD does watch the DVD with her Gran and provides a running commentary, I'd love to be a fly on the wall for that as I'm sure it's as entertaining in it's own way :-)

So far we have been lucky that we've been able to get tickets for those events with limited seating but I know limited availability can be an issue.

I don't remember my parents or PIL coming to many of my girls things. My Mum did manage to make it to a few things with DD1 but don't remember her getting to see DD2 at any of her things and my PIL didn't make it to anything, it's just the way it was.

Would I get upset by not being invited? I don't know but I don't think so. I guess when DGD gets to 10 she might not want us around as much as she does now, who knows.

We just have to deal with fitting in with our children's families and the way they choose to live their lives as best we can.

GP's who's GC live on the other side of the world or just too far away to see them often manage so those of us who do get to see our GC regularly ish do OK.

Just a thought to put things in perspective, some of are doing so much better than those GP's who's AC have gone No Contact, now that is harsh and very sad.

How to manage not being "invited" to things, go with the flow and be glad for any time with the GC.

As paternal grandparents No : as maternal Yes

The perennial problem, my late Mother was never invited to her grandchildren's school events but the maternal grandmother was.
We were abroad when ours were small but once we were back we made sure she was always involved and the paternal grandmother when geographically possible, both came to the graduation.
We as grandparents get asked to school events and dance shows, for birthdays there's usually a party for their friends and then a family tea to which we are invited.

Sazz, you seem to be somewhat disappointed in your grandparenting experience, and I'm sorry about that. I'm not clear, though, on whether you and DH are the only adult relatives excluded from birthday parties, etc., or if the parents aren't inviting any GPs or other family members. After all, as PPs have said, it's possible that tickets to some events are limited. It's also possible that they don't want adult relatives at parties for their kids and their friends. Rest assured, it may have nothing to do w/ you and DH.

"Son brings the children to see us every 2 or 3 weeks sometimes DIL comes with them."

IMO, "every 2 or 3 weeks" is good for GPs today. Young families are very busy, what w/ everybody's different schedules. Many GPs see their AC and GC much less often than that. DIL may avoid the visits b/c she wants to leave you time alone w/ DS and the GC or she might enjoy having the time to herself. Or yes, she may be responding on the basis of some underlying tensions between you. IDK, of course. But regardless, IMO, it's still good that you see DS and GC on a fairly regular basis.

" I usually learn if they are ill, going for a day trip, or in the Nativity Play from Facebook which is not really very good."

Maybe not, but it also seems to be very common. Iv heard of/read about it before. And I often learn things about my DD and kids via FB. For many young people, today, that it simply THE way to communicate. They probably feel as if they are "telling everyone" when they post something like that on FB. And they most likely assume you've been informed by them that way, too.

I taught in a lot of schools - there were never more than 2 tickets available for each family.
I can’t think why anyone wants to attend a child’s party if they don’t have to!

Limited tickets here too, once we've offered a spare ticket to grandparents but they usually haven't been able to make it at short notice. We've had DVDs in the past but always due to privacy concerns.

For parties, grandparents have been asked to family parties when they were little but not once they started inviting friends. Then we saw them close to the day.

No you’re right, it doesn’t feel like Christmas till you’ve seen a nativity! Always take plenty of tissues!

As an ex infant teacher and therefore an expert(!!!) on school plays we had two performances. The first was for anyone in the family. No tickets. The second was the 'noisy performance' . Babies, toddlers etc.It was mayhem. Even though we asked for screaming children to be taken out , they never were.
But I would love to see another play. We have only rarely seen our DGDs in anything as we live so far away. A video is not quite the same,Is it?

It’s all been said really, usually limited tickets, so you can’t drag in the whole family

I’ve been to quite a few nativities over the years, which I admit I love, but I don’t get invited to everything, and I then assume the other grandparents are going, which is fine by me

As for children’s partys, trust me, you’re well out of it!

We've always been invited to birthday parties, but then dd has two very little ones very close in age and always invites so many children - 29 at most recent one plus parents! - and I usually make a lot of the food.

I think school Nativity plays can be difficult, since seating is so often limited. Having said that, Gdd's pre- school did hold two performances last year, so we were able to go.

My Gdd is proving exactly like her mother, in that she doesn't want to leave anybody out.
I am still haunted so many years later by the little boy in dd's class (they were about 8) who said, 'Thank you for inviting me to your party - nobody else does.' ?

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GS has nursery concert next week, both us Grans are going along with my H and GS’s Mum.

Both sets of GP go to Birthday celebrations whatever they are. We are big on (and probably over the top on) celebrating Birthdays, any excuse for a family get together.

Just been advised our dd has managed ( with difficulty) to get us two tickets for this years nativity.....

I'm with Grammaretto - well said Pythagorus.

I live not far from my daughter and her family. I am the only grandparent still alive, and my daughter and s-i-l are pleased to involve me in the GC's lives, sometimes having fun and sometimes babysitting. I count myself very very lucky.

Pythagorus well said. Today my friend is proudly going to his DGS
Masters graduation. There's a lottery for tickets and gt strictness about ID for collecting them. I suppose to do with fraud.

I laughed when I read this post. Happiness is when one’s expectations match one’s reality. So many disgruntled grandparents out there. Also so many disgruntled adult children. So much lack of honest communication. My neighbour’s son had a real go at him recently, saying he didn’t take enough interest in his 3 year old grandson. He wanted him to be involved and interested in the little boys activities. Whereas my son tells me the grandchildren are his and not mine and doesn’t seem to want me to have much of a relationship with them. I am always hoping for more contact! I would love to have more input. You are damned if you do and damned if you don’t! I suppose we have had our turn. We have to be grateful for what we get. I didn’t involve my parents in my sons childhood much but my mother had eight children and the novelty had worn off by the time she was a grandmother! The usual thing is for maternal grandparents to be much more involved than paternal grandparents. Sadly paternal grandparents often feel left out. It takes a very special daughter in law to be able to embrace both sets of grandparents lovingly. I told my son once that it takes a whole village to bring up a child. There is enough love to go round. But I make the most of what I get and make the most of the opportunities I get to build relationships with my grandchildren. I don’t get invited to school plays and birthday parties. But if they visit me near their birthdays, I do a special birthday tea. I often send them little cards and things in the post. My grandaughter has a phone which she can use for FaceTime. So I learned to use FaceTime so I can send her photos and messages sometimes. Make the most of what you get and if you feel you can, rather than feel disgruntled, try to communicate what you would like.

If I'm invited or involved in anything then I am delighted.
If I am not, then that is fine too. Just happy to go with the flow; would not like to put demands on my family.

I think probably space is limited. If whole families turned up there wouldn't be enough room. I don't suppose you have been deliberately excluded.

We usually go to the birthday parties and help out, though now they are on a much smaller scale because the whole thing was getting out of hand, with the whole class being invited.

Birthday parties are for the birthday boy (or girl) and their friends. Usually the invite the whole class, about 30 kids. It's noisy, messy, and the DC is too busy to pay any attention to the dgps.

And, as others have said, the tickets for plays etc at the school are limited.

I live too far for these events and health would make it difficult to see my own grand childrens' many events but their mums take photos before and after and I get a commentary of how it went.

Many schools allow only parents and carers since the child abuse scandals and they do not allow photos to be taken of other peoples children which was happening before. Likewise with birthday parties, parents will know the other parents if they want to take photos.

I also miss the Nativities at Christmas but as I now have no children involved locally I cannot go and watch them. I can understand why as in the past anyone could and did turn up and take photos.

MawBroon thank you, that brought back some memories! Our DD was 3 and in the nursery Christmas play as the fairy on top of the tree. They sang Twinkle Twinkle Little Star with DD hollering it out just like the little girl in the youtube video. In those days we had no camera to record it. One of the staff dragged her off the stage mid-flow which was a cross between relief for us and sadness for her - she didn't know what was wrong!.
OP we never "invited" anyone to anything to do with the DC, just made sure they knew when things were going on and left it up to them. No one ever came to anything but MiL went to every single thing that her other GC (her DD kids) were in/doing. It didn't matter to us and I agree with others that Mums and Daughters tend to do this more than Mums and Sons for some reason. However, given the chance, I would be there like a shot for my DS DC.

Why do they have to bring the GC to you every 2 or 3 weeks? Why don't you go and see them? Again we used to have to take our DC to visit GP, and tbh it became a flipping chore, especially knowing they had nothing to do and we were working and had a young family obv. Again, given the chance, I'd walk over hot coals to see my GC.

Who would want to go to childrens parties.??? They are not like my childrens parties Jelly Cakes and Trifle in the dining room and games in the garden if it was fair and inside if it was cold or wet. Thats not how they are now. They also can be expensive affairs.As for school plays . Most are number restricted now as every relative available wants to be seen going to them. Schools have to draw a line somewhere and usually 2 relatives only, certainly in the school my Grand daughters attend that the rule

Totally unreasonable regards the plays and parties but seeing your local grandchildren every 2/3 weeks sounds a bit sad but lives are busy.

Sorry if you have covered this but do you get on with your dil and make her feel welcome.

I am afraid you are being unreasonable. There really is no point in the story of "other granny is always invited", she is the maternal grandmother. Unfortunately, it tends to work that way. Re school productions, seats for plays are at a premium, as there are only so many to go around. Parents tend to get two and occasionally you get lucky and have three. As for birthday parties - my advice is leave it to the parents, they are noisy and messy. I am actually quietly celebrating. My youngest daughter has now reached an age where no more birthday parties will take place - I will never have to host one again, couldnt be happier!!!

We have always had a ‘tea party’ for family members birthday where everyone came who could, but only had the occasional invite to their party with friends as a lot of the time there were limited numbers allowed, but that was fine.

School plays/nativity plays depended on how many folk were allowed per child, was dad working or at home. Things got difficult when dad and mum split up as mum would go one year with whoever she chose, dad would go the next year with whoever he chose. Occasionally both would go if it was something extra special like last year at primary.

Afraid it’s just the way things are nowadays with families splitting and growing different shoots. As long as everyone is happy, mainly the kids, that’s all that matters. You just have to ask the kids about whatever they were involved with, giving plenty of oohs and ahhhs given.