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AIBU School Play do other grandparents get invited?

(126 Posts)
sazz1 Wed 21-Nov-18 00:33:20

Son and girlfriend have 2 children age 10 and 6. This year I started thinking that we never get invited to the school nativity play for either DGC. We also don't get invited to any birthday parties either just told we can call in for coffee and cake in the evening or the next day. Son brings the children to see us every 2 or 3 weeks sometimes DIL comes with them. My MIL was invited to all birthday parties and school plays etc even though I disliked her. What do others think. I usually learn if they are ill, going for a day trip, or in the Nativity Play from Facebook which is not really very good.

Farmor15 Wed 21-Nov-18 03:47:14

I wouldn’t expect to get invited to GC’s school plays or birthday parties. I never invited my parents to either ( they didn’t live near anyway) but would not have thought of coming. Celebrating birthday in a civilized way with coffee and cake sounds much nicer than being in the midst of a crowd of rowdy children!

cavewoman Wed 21-Nov-18 04:34:26

When my children were in school nativities, plays etc, we were allocated only two invitations per child as the small school hall made for limited seating.

However, every year we purchased videos of the event (which was filmed by one of the teachers) to watch with extended family.

You could see their eyes glazing over as videos were of poor quality and they were only interested in the role of their own grandchild!

Are children even allowed to be filmed these days?

Alima Wed 21-Nov-18 05:26:06

At DGS’s school there is a dedicated Grandparent’s showing of the Christmas play. Always sold out!

kittylester Wed 21-Nov-18 06:23:54

We were always invited to preschool birthday parties - an extra pair of hands, I expect - along with the other grand parents. I'm relieved to say we have been excused that ordeal since they have been doing parties at theme places. We did get invited to a Build a Bear party which was a nightmare.

As far as nativities etc go, we are invited if there are tickets, as are the other GPS,. This year 2 dgc are in the same play which means there are 4 tickets and 2 are ours!!!sunshine

We always get to see dvd.

Newmom101 Wed 21-Nov-18 06:48:30

At DDs nursery (and the primary school I've worked at) only 2 tickets are allocated to events per child. So only parents tend to go, with grandparents or aunts and uncles in attendance if parents can't make it. I don't tell them if DD is ill either as I've never felt the need to, I can manage a sickness bug. I don't tell them when I'm ill so why would I tell them when my daughter is. The same with a day trip, I don't see why they would need to tell you. It's different if grandparents are involved in the child's day to day life or doing childcare but it doesn't sound as if you are.

Birthday parties seem to be mostly just parents these days, as parents tend to stay until kids are in at least year 2 and by then they've gotten bored of big parties and just want a party with a small group of friends instead.

crystaltipps Wed 21-Nov-18 07:18:58

I wouldn’t worry about not getting invited to kids parties they are usually chaos, we were invited to the little ones but our role was blowing up balloons and tea making for the mums. Now they’re older they tend to go to the cinema or for a pizza with a few friends. A family get together the following weekend is fine by me. We haven’t been invited to nativity plays either, but now some of them are older we’ve been to various concerts and plays that they’ve been in.

Iam64 Wed 21-Nov-18 08:12:14

To answer the OP, yes I fear you're being unreasonable. As others have said, tickets to school performances are limited. One of our grandchildren has 3 grannies and I'm sure that isn't unusual.
You sound generally resentful and unhappy with the relationship with your son and his partner.

harrigran Wed 21-Nov-18 08:33:05

GD is at a village school with only a small hall so GPs are usually invited to the final rehearsal before the big day. We have nearly always been the ones to see the play as other GPs live a long way away.
Older GD's school productions are held in a theatre and you have to purchase tickets at the box office.
I never attend birthday parties.

TerriBull Wed 21-Nov-18 08:36:13

Quite honestly we've all been through it once with our own children. I haven't been invited to any of the nativity plays, I'm not too bothered, I've listened to some of the songs being practised. They tend to come to our house for a little birthday celebration, having done the whole razzamatazz with their respective parents (separated) I make them a birthday cake, gluten free for my gd, occasionally she's brought a couple of friends with her. They open our presents and spend a couple of hours here, having some tea and cake. I really wouldn't want to do the childrens' party thing again, or even sit in on it I found them a nightmare when I was doing them for my children I was glad when they finally got too old and made their own arrangements.

MawBroon Wed 21-Nov-18 08:39:47

I am afraid you are. Being unreasonable.
Schools tend to give a maximum of two tickets per child obviously for the parents. I have been lucky once or twice when DD who is a secondary teacher and couldn’t go so I went with SIL or the nanny, but I wouldn’t expect it as a matter of course. We stopped being invited to birthday parties after the age of 3 (in any case, the other GPS and DH and I used to take refuge in the sitting room with the TV as the noise could be quite something - on one occasion SIL tried to hide in there with us , followed by DD!)
Other 2 DDs are sometimes involved in the DGSs’ parties which really noisy affairs involving football or outdoor activities - I and the other GPS take a welcome rain check!
They are not our children, we should not need to be so central to their lives, however much we love them.
You need to take a step back (and keep off Facebook - it only makes people unhappy because they feel left out of something they were not involved in in the first place. )

SpringyChicken Wed 21-Nov-18 08:43:45

Concerning the school play/nativity, yes I think you are being unreasonable. Tickets are strictly limited to parents because of seating constraints. You could mention that if there is ever a ticket going spare, you would always use it.
Re the parties, sounds like your son and his girlfriend are trying to save you the trauma. You can volunteer your services in advance if you really want to be involved. But check your conscience first that you are the ‘helping in the kitchen’ type grandparents and not two extra guests to be looked after.

Anja Wed 21-Nov-18 08:56:42

Yes, aren’t I the lucky one! Four Christmas plays squashed together on hard chairs just waiting for that one allotted line. At least mine speak out. Most just bob up mutter their line and scarper.

Then we have to sit through all the congratulations for staff which often last longer than the play.

Anja Wed 21-Nov-18 08:59:55

And then we had to agree how wonderful it all was when in truth it was abysmal.

Feelingmyage55 Wed 21-Nov-18 09:04:24

An invitation for coffee and cake is very nice, much nicer than the noise, chaos and clearing up of children’s parties when held at home. That gives you lovely time with your GC away from the crowd. School concerts generally do not have space for grandparents and nowadays there are sometimes multiple GPs and other children who have no GPs to attend. Facebook for me is to be avoided. Too much there to be misinterpreted. We eventually stopped telling GPs if the children were ill as they worried too much. If it was serious we ended up having to reassure them and if it was not serious, we saw no reason to worry them about next to nothing. Relationships need input and give and take on both sides. I hope you offer to visit and do not sit waiting to be visited. A little tweaking could improve things enormously as you clearly receive invitations and are visited regularly. Why not ask for a photo (if they are allowed) of any concerts to be clear about how interested you are.

Luckygirl Wed 21-Nov-18 09:05:10

We do not routinely get invited to performances because, as everyone has said, tickets are limited. However we do go to nativity plays, as often there is more than one performance. And we go to the school Christmas carol services sometimes.

As to parties - yes we do go, if it is a party at home - but I suspect that this is because I was a photographer and they want some nice pics of the event! - and also another pair of hands to hep out, which I am happy to do.

Greenfinch Wed 21-Nov-18 09:28:01

As paternal grandparents No : as maternal Yes.
As others have said,it was usually two tickets per family but we could sometimes get four because they were twins. We would argue our corner but it did not always work.

felice Wed 21-Nov-18 09:53:36

Very different here, the school concert is held on a Saturday in June, held in the playground where a stage is set up.
You are told what time your childs class will be on, it starts from 11.00am.
No limit on tickets DD always buys 6 as his godparents always go and sometimes my SO.
There is food available, donated, I made Scottish Tablet last year, it sold quickly, and a bar, beers and wine and soft drinks too, no fizzy.
We usually make an afternoon of it so DGS can play with his friends for a while.
No, no one gets drunk, and it is a very nice afternoon out.
The school makes a lot of money from it and people can time their visit.

eazybee Wed 21-Nov-18 09:54:37

There simply isn't room for grandparents at Christmas plays; there could be four per child plus parents, and step parents, (another minefield). The nativity usually comprises several classes, or the whole infant department, therefore families of 180 children. Schools usually have to share the hall with other classes' productions if a primary school, carol concerts, Christmas fairs and Christmas parties, all squashed into three weeks.
And thank you Anja for your kind remarks:
"And then we had to agree how wonderful it all was when in truth it was abysmal."(You forgot to mention sitting on uncomfortable chairs.)
I am sure you can show us all how it should be done.

annodomini Wed 21-Nov-18 09:58:27

I live too far from my GC to be invited to their Christmas plays, though I did happen to be there when GS3 was involved in a production of a 'potted' version of The Tempest. A least they had a good script writer!
Many schools have limited space for the audience. Imagine if every child brought four GPs - even allowing for more than one child per family, they'd be more than bursting at the seams.

trisher Wed 21-Nov-18 10:02:14

The children are 10 and 6 and you've only just realised you haven't been to nativities and birthdays? All the above reasons are correct and having been on the other end -trying to stop extras getting into performances I can tell you it is a nightmare. In any case the 10 year old is hitting the end of nativities. As for parties calling in for coffee and cake sounds great. If you are interested why not ask when the party is and if any help is needed, but as has been said you will be there to clear up and help not as a guest. I think you should stay off Facebook and just enjoy the time you have with your family.

henetha Wed 21-Nov-18 10:11:59

Every family is different. I was lucky enough to attend everything with my two elder grandchildren, but that was because I helped raise them after their mother left them.
With my two younger grandchildren, I often did get invited to various things, especially Nativity plays, but not always.
Maybe you could organise something yourself, a party or an outing, and invite them?

CassieJ Wed 21-Nov-18 10:31:36

School plays when mine were small only ever allowed two people to go to see them, so usually mum and dad.
I have never been invited to my grandchildren's birthday's or to visit at Christmas.

None of this bothers me, they live too far away for us to be there on special days.

DIL17 Wed 21-Nov-18 11:59:48

We've never invited family to the birthday parties. We normally go for a soft play thing and see no point in crowding the place even further with relatives. We normally have an afternoon set out with cake and happy birthday singing for family on another day.

As for school plays, we don't invite them because if we invite one set, we have to invite the other, then aunts and uncles want to get in too and before you know you've filled the place with your family and no room for anyone else's.

Our daughters school is a small village on who do their plays in the church across the road and there just isn't room for the whole school to invite very single relative.

Jalima1108 Wed 21-Nov-18 12:26:55

Funnily enough I've just returned from going to see a school play (it was brilliant!). It wasn't a nativity.

However, I will leave the birthday parties to the parents, unless required to help, then no, we're not asked. We see them at another time for a little family get together..