Family

The first time I was taken to meet my prospective in laws, after we had eaten a evening meal, they both smartened themselves up and went out. It wasn’t as though my visit hadn’t been arranged well in advance. We had travelled from 150 miles away from University to tell them we were getting married. I asked my boyfriend , where have they gone ? And he said “ I don’t know” and that was his family. I found out later that his Mother had gone to meet her lover and his Father had gone to the pub. They had put themselves, their arrangements and their feelings first. They had no interest in impressing anyone. They were just themselves.
I wish I had been more like that, as I have spent far too much of my life trying to accommodate others.
What a contrast with my Mother and Father. If they had known that I was bringing a prospective husband home, they would have been up all night scrubbing the house and killing the fatted calf.
I think after 22 years you need to think about yourself Hildegard and be ruthless about others...not mean, but enjoy what time you have left in your own way, Honestly, to hell with anyone else.
Although my DH loves me and his children deeply he has followed in his families footsteps and been entirely congruent and not gone out of his way to accommodate others. He is still well liked and much loved by our children.

Oh dear, hildegard, I’m sorry things are so difficult, Christmas can surely bring out the worst in families. Wishing you well, it will pass, sometimes we just have to smile and rise above the tensions. Good luck.

Thanks for your thoughts, just writing it down helped, and a few glasses of wine x

Hildegard you sound so fed up . I hope whatever is troubling you passes before the Christmas festivities- it can be a very trying time . It's not always easy pleasing others, sometimes its best to just please yourself and let others get on with it. Dark clouds always pass over

Twenty two years sounds like a whole new generation to add to the complications. Anything particular which is causing tension and you feel able to discuss here?

We have a 'mixed' family too, I sympathise.
After much stress I decided my relationship with him came first. He came round to this later. But it's not easy.

BTW the sun is over the yard arm somewhere , pity I am tee total or I would join you xxx

The bigger the family the more undercurrents ! My lot all seemed so together till OH died , now the snakes are on the loose . Christmas is a minefield this year