Family

Just joined youhildagard in a very large gin and tonic?

That sounds horrible for you Pudding. Are you able to talk to him about his behaviour?

Families do seem to get stressed around Christmas time. Just when you think it's all going well something happens to disturb the peace.

Nobody sets out to be difficult but there are health and work worries in our family putting a damper on things this year. I remember spending most of Christmas day at A&E one year with a very unwell teenager and we were not alone by any means.

I'll join you for a G&T!!

It sounds as though you'll have to stick with it Pudding----better the devil and all that.
It's a miserable existence for both of you but the man sounds depressed to me and men aren't known for visiting GP's especially concerning problems of the mind.
Some sort of counsellor/adviser for yourself perhaps to help you continue to deal with the situation being as you can't just up sticks and move on ?

Thanks Lesleyann9., No this isn't new.behaviour unfortunately he does this to everyone who he considers has displeased him or his poor mother who brought him up as a single parent when he was born 67 years ago ,work colleague s our daughter now me.He always goes out for a drink on Friday night came in last night and broke the milk shelf in my fridge and woke me up at 1.30 this morning to tell me.I am 64 so get civil servants pension but no state pension until 2020 so can't afford to live on my own but .any suggestions

Hi
Pudding123
This happened to a friend of mine I met at a carers group. See if you can have a quiet word with GP if this behaviour is out of character for him or if there are other behavioural changes you have noticed. That can’t be easy for you

I go racing at Kempton on Boxing Day if I can. Always a fabulous atmosphere. ?

Jalima1108

Of course
That goes without saying.
I was agreeing with mabon1, not announcing the fact that I have no problems.

mabon and Gabriella
perhaps people only post if they have problems!!


Hildegard I think large families may have occasional upsets - but I hope that the ones in your extended family get resolved quickly!

Just smile, don't comment and rise above it all - and have a G&T

Me too mabon1 but I'm not keen on announcing it as it seems smug.
We have had the odd disagreement when I refuse alcohol (teetotal) 'that's not normal' apparently
or they serve meat knowing that I'm a vegetarian but I never argue about it.
We don't discuss sex, religion or politics either. I like a pleasant life.

My sister and bi l have driven 1 and 1\2 hours to exchange pressies my husband of 36 years has barely spoken to me for the last 6 months just answers me when I ask him a question .We went for a lovely walk and a quick glass of fizz without him,this has been the situation for years no reason he is just odd..any suggestions ?

After reading some of your posts I am glad I haven’t got a large family. My husband was one of ten but after he died we lost contact. They were from the Midlands and never liked me because I come from a different southern background. My husband left home and joined the army in 1938 when he was 19 to get away from them.

For many years I have 'done my own thing'. I don't visit if I don't want to, but in the main family are welcome to visit. Family no longer have any expectations of me, and I avoid family get togethers like the plague!

I really like to be with just DH & youngest son and we go on a holiday after Boxing Day to the coast.

Perfect!

Two of my DD are not speaking to each other at the moment which upsets me greatly! But they at least send presents for each other’s children and the eldest son of the younger DD is coming to stay for a few days between Christmas and NY so will play with all his cousins and see both aunties. I wish they would settle their argument however I have to accept that these are adult women and they will have to sort it out themselves!

What’s that old saying “you can pick your friends but not your family “.......

I make a point of not falling out with relatives however annoyed I feel. I just ignore them, change the subject, do something else, and get on with life including Christmas.
Life is too short for anger or misery.

Reading Gransnet sometimes I feel that I am the only person who gets on well with every member of my family. We all chivvy along really well. OK, we have differences of opinion about politics and religion but hey, we never fall out.

Christmas logistics here have been such a pain, we have booked to go away next Christmas!

I love our Christmases. Me, DH and DS (who lives with us anyway).

When we first got married it was different. The in laws Christmas always revolves around their other son plus his family so is basically what his control freak wife dictates, so basically the in laws fit in with them and we were expected to as well. Then there were the various other get together were summoned to -almost every day between Xmas and new year we were expected to fit in. I did put my foot down so I could see something of my family!!

Even now the in laws always visit their other son and his family - they moved away so it's more understandable, but even so I have put my foot down about basically being told "your slot is 4pm-5pm on the 26th" (OK they don't quite say that but it feels like it).

I'm so sorry for anyone whose Christmas is overshadowed by thoughts of family stresses and disagreements. We've been pretty lucky in that regard and are looking forward to it all but it seems as if we are the exception.

As a child we had quiet Christmas's - Dad would bring Gran over in time for Christmas dinner and she would always leave by 6pm (he would take her home again). We would only see one Aunt (on Boxing Day) and that was that really - Mum was one of eight but they didn't really get together apart from weddings and funerals. I loved Christmas with my m-i-l and s-i-l and family, but once m-i-l died and then my DH died shortly afterwards that stopped as well. I now live with my DD and GC and we have Christmas Day at home but then go to my niece's for Boxing Day afternoon -great fun, she does a fantastic buffet and we play silly games with my GC and her four GC joining in.

Wow.....just like mine.
I've decided to just tell everyone I'm doing a Charitable Christmas......instead of the angst and ingratitude of teenagers presents we've given to a local children's charity. Instead of the mass of Christmas cards benefitting card companies and the post office....we've given to another charity. Instead of all the glitzy wrapping paper.....brown paper and colourful string which can be recycled. After all...the wrapping gets torn off and, generally, thrown away....and it is what is wrapped up that is important. I saw one person had wrapped in white paper and stacked and dressed them like a snowman!
Most of the Christmas family get together since I have been married hubby and I cook and host Christmas Day. Never been invited to the home of one SIL and the other clutters off to her family take her hubby etc. Unfair but now expected.
Thankfully, this year we are with an elder niece, on my side, for the day.
I try to keep focus by saying.....it's just a roast dinner with family. Recently did have a wonderful pre-Christmas lunch etc with a goddaughter and her family.....I'd put together some wonderful, truly personal, thought out gifts.
We will be putting up the decs this weekend and I will do a little more shopping next week....maybe.
I hate that Christmas causes such family issues hen it is supposed to be a peaceful, sharing, caring time of year.
Most of our difficulties are because of our, justly held, expectations.

It's five o'clock somewhere!

I thought we had a close family. I was looking forward to having holidays with my two sisters as good friends when I retired. However not to be. They could not support me in helping my mother to enjoy travelling, believing that as she had short term memory loss (to them dementia to me cognitive impairment) she had no need for holidays as she could not tell them about her holiday!! Disagreements, went on with other things so they are now to be visited occasionally.

Everything changes after one or two family members die !

Oh dear, I know what you mean. Always thought we were very close large family till one of my BILs died - and then it all fell apart. Prior to that we always used to have a bit meet-up/jolly at least once a year; now it's only weddings and funerals....sad.