Nobody Wants Her

Grandadgarage, you and Mrs.Gg are to be congratulated on all the love and support you are giving to a troubled little girl. With you both, your DGD has a warm, loving and stable family. (Without you, I think there might be a very different outcome for her.) Wishing you all every happiness for the future.

I feel really moved after reading that last 4 months of your family’s life. You’re wife (well, both of you) must feel quite traumatised to watch the path in life your daughter has taken. I am amazed how you have kept the lines of communication open. I don’t think I could have coped. I admire you and your wife tremendously.. I’m so pleased you’re DGD has got such amazing GPs. You are her rock. You’re whole family will remain in my thoughts and I send you lots of good wishes.??

Apologies GrandadGarage I see after reading on that an old thread has been updated.

You are a star. I feel so relieved that your little granddaughter will have a stable life with her grandparents.

It is not something grandparents expect to do and as you say, you have the 24/7 worries and joys when most grandparents have just the happy times with their GC. It is tough so I hope you can get some respite too.

Our own children never stop being our children even when they mess up or bring trouble to the door as adults. We never stop worrying about them, do we, and it is worse when they lose their way and are living lives that are horrific.

I wish you all a happy outcome. Well done and good luck.

GrandadGarage what a sad and worrying tale. I am so sorry your daughter has gone off the rails but how dreadfully sad for your little granddaughter that her parents selfishness and addiction means she is basically uncared for. Thank goodness for you. A child needs stability.

What a challenge for you and how lovely that you were there for your granddaughter during her early years. Having her full time and bringing her up would be a huge challenge for most grandparents, but what can you do?

I am so angry that irresponsible people become parents. Their selfishness knows no bounds and they are producing damaged adults of the future who will lack the so important nurture and care foundations necessary in childhood. Saying you love a child is so different from the self-sacrifice required in putting that child and it's welfare first.

I do hope that social agencies can help you and I am so sorry that you are in such a heart-breaking predicament.

I appreciate the mixed feelings but it’s good to know you now have PR and that the SGO is on line. Your daughter is doing her best by her little girl in doing what’s best for her, that takes love and hopefully h will help your granddaughters questions over the coming years. Loving families x

We've now got PR via an order in the Court this morning and we should have our SGO in place by July.

It was extremely sad sitting next to our D in court with her agreeing to basically giving her away...

However, that's one box ticked off thankfully

Good luck tomorrow GrandadGarage hope it all goes well ?

Wishing all goes well for you all tomorrow

Wishing you all the best for tomorrow ?

Hello Iam64,

Thanks!

I didn't go, the little one loved it mostly, it was extremely tense at times between my wife and my daughter as I expected for lots of complicated reasons.

Court tomorrow, we've been advised we should get a temporary residency order until the SGO is finalised which will be good albeit the whole thing is still surrounded by much sadness in all honesty...

I’m not posting during Lent, well I’m trying not to. Just saying hello. I hope the paternal grandparents can be reliable and supportive.
How did the Disneyland trip go, thst was good to involve your daughter, I hope it worked well xx

Thanks for the kind words, Nams unfortunately we moved away from our own family, our other daughter is great but she has one year old twin girls so it's difficult to lean anywhere.

However, the little one is going there on Thursday night which will be good !....albeit we'll be in bed by 8

Loads of people are in the same boat and there will probably be a support group in your area. Search on Facebook or Google for Kinship Carers Groups and hopefully you will find something. x

Grandadgarage....thank you for the update, it’s so surprising how some people’s life stories stay with you!! I thought of you and gd often.
Can I make a small suggestion (and I hope I won’t sound as if I know better than you!!) rather than hope that gds parents step up a bit more so you can take a break, are there any other family members who could stay over night to care for gd and let you have a rest away somewhere nice once and a while?
I just fear you may be let down by her parents (as they still seem to be somewhat unreliable).
Or are there any friends from nursery whoes parents you trust to take her once awhile?
Just a thought
Wishing you and your wife all the best.

GrandadGarage thank you for updating us and very best wishes to you and your wife; your DGD is so lucky to have you in her life to bring her some stability.

Whenever I saw the title of your OP it brought tears to my eyes - but you both want her and love her and that is wonderful. I'm glad you are managing to work with both her parents and her father's family; don't get despondent, your DGD probably feels able to say things she doesn't really mean to you because she feels safe and loved with you and your wife.

GrandadGarageyou sound like a lovely, caring man. I wish you all the very best in the world for you and your family.

GrandadGaragedont worry about her being ani you when she comes back I think thats quite normal...well as normal as it can be in her circumstances.My two eldest GC 's parents split when they were very young and we had this happening every time they stayed with their dad .They played up,were argumentative and cried for their dad .Thats the dad who did nothing with them when they were with him.Now 9 years down the line they rarely see him ,he has a new wife and a new child and little time for them .My GD stills cries for him ,her brother cant be bothered with him.

Hello GrandadGarage my heart goes out to you. You have made the right decision with regard to the little one.

I had my daughters children from an early age, we had a Residence Order in place. No other grandparents were involved, so we didn't have that added problem. Yes, we were tired at times, and the whole situation was very trying.

However, they are grown now and still an important part of our life. They were hard work but would I change anything, no not one jot. We reminisce with them going about the things we did like going to ballet classes, all going on holiday together etc. and look at our photographs.

The eldest one has just rung me to ask how I am doing, I love her so much. They have grown into lovely adults.

Good luck with everything you do

Thanks Blinko,

Ah we're not brave really, there's worse in the world going on; alls we can do is our best which we are doing

Thanks for this update, GrandadGarage. We are still following your brave story. Pleased that progress is being made and wishing you and GrandmaG the very best for the future.

Hello folks, Just thought I would post an update.

Our SGO application is going through albeit very slowly; could be a few months away yet but it's in the courts and we've got to go next week for something or other.

Little one has just been to Disneyland Paris for her birthday with her Mum and my wife, we're trying to get a weekly routine as her Mum can see her 2-3 times in a week then nothing for 2 weeks and she never turns up on time which is really frustrating as if she arrives late she brings her back late which upsets the bedtime routine.

The Dad and their family are back on the scene too, so we're carefully managing that too as they've been in and out her life for 4 years since she was born, right now we do feel this is positive for the little one and are hopeful it will be long term.

We find ourselves in the position of trying to impress on both the Mum and the Dad the need to have set day (s) and regular routine and contact - weird !

One of the diffcult things we are finding is if the Mum or Dad has had our GD then when she comes back for a while she is "anti us" so she'll say things like I dont want to live with you or I don't like you and she can display signs of aggression and getting in our faces a littel bit which is difficult in so far as our original GP role is the fun bit ! Poor little things head must be shredded bless her.

So that's where we are, hopefully we can get both Mum and Dad into a routine so we can also get a break as our "man and wife" relationship is pretty disrupted.

Best wishes.

thanks for the replies,

granny activist, it's been a huge source of comfort, advice and experience sharing from posters and am very grateful for that

Glad to read your update GrandadGarage and that as far as your little granddaughter is concerned things are much better, hopefully one day will be same for yourselves and your daughter

I somehow have missed this thread, but it's been a joy to read all the lovely messages and see how knowledgeable grans like Iam have used their wealth of experience to offer advice and support.

The situation you describe GrandadGarage is very painful for you and your wife, but your determination to do the best you can for your daughter and granddaughter is clear to see. I wish you well in your endeavour to make a happy home life for your little girl.

Thanks for the update, I want to say how well you're doing but don't want to sound patronising. It's hell on earth to step in to care for grandchildren when adult children's lives mean they can no longer provide the love, stability and routines children need
You're doing all that as well as still trying to reach out to your daughter. I do hope the SGO application is dealt with speedily and without too much emotional upheaval.