Nobody Wants Her

It is a possibility that without you stepping in to take care of your DGD she could end up in care eventually. This would cost a considerable amount of money to the local authority involved. Therefore it would make sense for some help from the local authority to be made available to you - childcare and other practical support which would be a lot cheaper and could alleviate you of the day-to-day burden to some extent. I wish you well.

You are what your gd wants and needs. It will be hard for sure , but oh, you will reap such love from her. Good luck and my utmost respect to you both x

Oh I feel for you. We are going through troubled times and I wonder if it will ever end. It rips us apart. Feel too old, but know we may have to step up. But granddaughter loves her Mum and wants to be with her

We never know what life will throw at us. But this must be really tough for you. Not what you had planned. But, as you say, there really is no choice for you. I wish you all the best. And hopefully the love you get in return from your GD will make up for sacrifices you will probably have to make.

You are doing an amazing thing! Of course it will be hard work, and I can understand your trepidition, but you are keeping that precious little girl out of the Care System and surrounded by love. Well done! And seek any help you can get!

You may feel that you are the only Grandparents who have this problem. I don't know if it will reassure you to know that when I was teaching, there were quite a few pupils whose Grandparents were their main carers. What I hope will reassure you, is that many of those pupils did really well and appreciated what their Grandparents were doing for them. I applaud you for the decision you are making and respect you so much for your love and integrity.

I can’t imagine the mix of emotions you must be going through. Thankgod your granddaughter has you.

It must be so hard being full time caters to a child again. I find having my darling GC 1 day a week exhausting and am only 50.

Get all the help you can from SS and find out if you are entitled to any benefits etc. Sure there’s an allowance you can apply for but wiser gransnetters will know.

to you both

I think you are doing the right thing and I also don’t think you should home your daughter it will just bring the chaos to your door the very thing you are trying to get your granddaughter away from
She will do well with two loving grandparents and yes someone does want her the two of you do even though it won’t be what you were expecting but you will all adapt
The sad part is you dearly love your daughter too and are obviously very worried about her and I don’t know that there is anything at all you can do for her, she appears to have a self destruct button albeit on pause I think all you can do is leave the door open and hope she meets someone who is not into drugs she seems easily led so maybe someone else could lead her down a straighter path
Good luck and every good wish for yours and your little granddaughters future together

I don't know how old you are and how well, but thinking forward, how old will you be when your GD is 18 and legally an adult?

Would you all be better off, if someone in her mother's age group became her legal guardian and you retained your role of grandparents?

This may seem cold, but it isn't meant like that. Sometimes we need to be realistic and God forbid it should happen, but if you or your wife became disabled, senile or died before the little one is grown up, she will then be faced with settling down in another home.

Hello grandadgarage
Before I retired I worked for a voluntary organisation called HomeStart. Obviously I don't know where you live but HomeStart have a website where you can check if there is one in your area. HomeStart offer support to families with children under 5 who are experiencing stress. They use carefully trained and vetted volunteers who are themselves parents to offer nonjudgmental, confidential support. They are completely separate from social services and you can refer yourself, it won't matter you are a grandparent rather than a parent. In my role I talked to many families who had experienced HomeStart support and they found it invaluable. If they are local to you please contact them and get some support for both your GD and yourselves .

Reading your post, GG, I am in tears too. the love you have for your family shines through. It's gonna be tough, but that love will help you know what's best. Plenty of good advice here on this thread and the one GNHQ has linked to. {shamrock]

You won’t regret taking your granddaughter in, I promise. Thirteen years ago two of our grandsons came to live with us. Mum had problems because of her abusive relationship with the boys’ father and couldn’t cope. The boys are now seventeen and thirteen, and are gorgeous. The older one is off to university next October. We will miss him so much! Even though he’ll be home for holidays. It’s not what we planned for our retirement (I’m now 73 and my husband is 75.) It can be exhausting, but we don’t regret a minute.

I would say take your gd to live with you and bring her up. We did this with one of our ad's and it didn't stop us living the life we wanted. We wanted to travel so we did and took her with us. She loved her mum and would at first spend weekends with her to give us a break and eventually after many years she was able to return home a mature well rounds child and cope with her parents hectic lifestyle. Please don't give up on her you will get so much joy from her.

Bless you and your wife for stepping in. I think you need to see a solicitor to put things on a legal footing. You don't want your daughter starting another relationship and taking her daughter back.

You and your wife have stepped up when needed. Your GD needs a loving stable home and you have already and indeed going to for as long as needed. Your daughter will only change when she wants to and no-one will make her do it. Must be so sad to watch your daughter destroy herself and not care about her daughter. Life has its casualties unfortunately and some can be fixed but some can't, you are at least helping prevent another by caring for your GD.

All the best for you, wife and grandchild. And daughter too. I think those saying don't have daughter to live with you are probably right. You don't want her to smoke it in your home, do you? And congratulations on taking up grandchild's care. Look after yourselves. You need to keep healthy to do it.

YOU want her ..thats what counts for now.IF or when her mother gets back on track things may change .For now as long as she has a loving home , a clean bed and food on the table you can relax a bit.You're doing your best .
I had a sister who was addicted to alcohol and my parents did everything in their power to help her ,nothing did.Her children were taken into care because my parents both had serious health issues.It broke their heart that they weren't allowed to have their GC .You can be proud that you are stepping up when needed

Another post suggests offering to have your daughter live with you.
My advice is not to go down that route. She appears to be embedded in that lifestyle with many unsavoury characters, none of whom, I imagine, would be welcome in your home.
Your daughter may resort to stealing from you to fund her habits and she may well have 'visitors' when you are both out of the house.
Tough love. Encourage her from a distance but don't trust her promises...ever.
I wish you and your wife the best of luck in resolving this issue. It will be a long hard road.

I cannot advise on your situation but wanted to say that you and your wife are wonderful people to take on this full time caring role.I sincerely hope that everything works out well for you all.

I too have no advice but sending thoughts and prayers

What heartbreak for everyone. But in the middle of all this mess is a little 4 year old who didn't ask for any of it. I know a young woman now in her mid 20s who no one wanted in a very similar situation and whose life is now just one disaster after another.
I haven't been in the same situation but can only feel that this little one now needs you both so desperately. I do hope you are able to take her into your life as you have obviously taken her into your hearts already. Accept all the help and support you are offered from formal services and friends and family and give her a loving home. Best wishes to all of you. None of this is easy.

GrandadGarage, I’m in tears reading your post... what a difficult situation to be in. You have done your very best so far and your little GD is lucky to have you on her side. Hilda’s post says it all, wonderful comforting advice. I wish you well and will keep your family in my prayers

I have nothing to suggest....but would like to add what a wonderful post and wishing you hope and support. Take Care of yourselves too. All the best and a hug.

Thanks for the replies, we (my wife is reading some) appreciate it; I just realised how silly my username is it’s because our GD can’t say my name

We should have a family meeting with social services soon so hopefully we can put a plan in place for everyone and in everyone’s best interests.

Thanks again and will post again at some point. God Bless

... and so have I.