InLaws

megsgma - I often regret being an only child, as I had always wanted siblings. My husband has one sister, who is seven years younger than he is, and therefore they're not very close.

But there's still "issues" within the family, even a small family like that. I have withdrawn myself from it all and leave my husband to have his own relationship with his own family.

But when I read stories like yours, I am never more grateful for having a small family and not having all these shenanigans going on.

The thing that struck me most from the opening post is this line "What did she mean by that? I was truly offended". This read to me as though you were looking for something to be offended by, and decided that was going to be it. You didn't even know what she meant by it, yet you are truly offended by it.

I understand there is a huge history within the family dynamics, and I suspect that you have taken a passing comment as a slight towards you when it may not have been intended that way. Of course, it's easy to say just let it go, or don't be so sensitive, but in the moment, it's not logic that rules the head, is it?

I'd say give yourself a bit of a break from the family, enjoy your holiday (and how lovely of your friend to take you away at her expense) and take some time to reflect.

One thing I would agree with though is that you shouldn't let yourself get caught up in indignation about what happened before you were part of the family. That's for your husband to deal with, not you.

I wish you well. You've taken a bit of a beating on the thread, but rest assured, it's not often like this on Gransnet, and for the most part, the support and advice is phenomenal, whether it's for serious issues, or more niggley lighthearted stuff.

OMG I've never heard such nonsense.
Calm down a bit or you'll make yourself ill.

The topic this thread is under is - "AM I BEING UNREASONABLE?" So why react with shock/horror when you get the answer "Yes, you are!" ? Why ask a straight question if you don't want a straight answer?

Perhaps you should give your s.i.l. a ring then Megsma

Omg, I haven't played nice for my mil's sake? Jealous..possesive..every other negative response I have seen from this thread is unbelievable.

Is this gransnet or meangirlsnet? Such empathy and understanding.

Think I'll pass on your little forum going forward...if I wanted the rudeness I have encountered here, I could just have called my sister in law!

What are tchotchkes and tchotkes?

Not that it matters. I truely hope that your DH doesnt let your jealousy anger and possesiveness isolate him from everyone else in his life. [Sad]

You're sounding very high strung and easily offended to be honest. Its hard work just reading your posts so no wonder they stuggled to chat to you & ended up missing the mark.

Such a shame for you late MIL that you couldnt have "played nice" for her sake

I did try and read your long posts OP but I'm afraid that because you're not getting what you expected ( unquestioning support) you're never going to be happy with the honest replies so I'll just let you get on with it - Good luck!

Why are you worrying about things which happened before you were with your husband?
No point getting offended about the ins and outs of his first marriage.

I am absolutely shocked. Women are supposed build each other up, not tear each other down. Scraping the bottom of the barrel, mountains out of very small molehills, drip feeder, as long as it's on the up and up...are you all cut from the same cloth or are you all trolls? Maybe she said it to me because DH's ex w lied to him and flew to meet her affair partner in Montreal the first time they met..he's from London and she lied to go, saying she was meeting her old bf and thought I was going to do the same to him...maybe because I wasn't paying, ohhhh maybe I was lying and my lover paid for it and my gf paying was all smoke and mirrors. I said 11 years of crap from her prior...comes into ny home and to my FACE tells me our collections of "tchotchkes would drive me crazy, I hate clutter"..texts DH when DH and I are taking mil out for her bday "how dare you take her out and not ask us to come! You're so inconsiderate!" Ummmm because you let us know the day before you already had plans on the Sunday so we made plans for Saturday....knows we're moving into a new home, family members offer and help us move.."let us know when you're all moved and when the party is - no offer of help...buys a million dollar home, still owes $$$....takes your pic and TELLS you she is posting on FB whether you like it or not and does....gets drunk and tells a houseful of Dh's family that HER sister keeps buying "all these stupid owl tchotkes every Christmas for my daughter uggghh, I gave them all away to donation hahahaha I hated them"....At a wedding "ohhhhh don't tell anyone cause I'm not supposed to tell but so and so had a boob job, they still look the same to me!" Proceeds to tell EVERYONE who will listen....loves to constantly tell me about my DH's personality "cause I've known him longer than you" and if she's had a good night with the bottle, plop herself pretty much in DH's lap...I can keep scraping...yeah I really don't like her. Her husband tries to control her, is constantly telling her to stop in front of everyone when she's literally mowing their friends down, or her coworkers at family functions...the way they dress, how their home is decorated, the stupid way their hair was colored blah blah blah...judgemental, outspoken know it all who walks around looking down on people. That is my sister in law!

Just let things go and get on with life.

Your in-laws do not sound that bad, just the normal ups and downs of family life. If you don't like what they say don't socialise with them.
Have to say when my own sister starts detailing her holidays my eyes glaze over especially as I am no longer able to do those kind of activities.

Oh Dear you are scraping the barrel to find something to confirm your idea that she’s a horrible sister in law If that’s the worst anyone’s ever said to you you re one lucky lady
Sorry but I m with the others here a big old fuss about nothing

Ok, I don't know whether to take you all seriously. What do you not get about this? My sister in law, is standing in front of me, we are talking about how unseasonably warm it is outside and it's November and we haven't even broke out our parkas yet (apologies for the drip feeding here) I'm in Canada so it's a pretty big deal for the temps to have been so warm and I say yeah I'm glad I never put away my summer clothes because now I'll need them for my trip (another drip feed here..my bf is paying for 4 of us ladies to go away last minute, she came into some money, it was her mothers 75th bday and my 10th anniversary cancer free and she wanted to treat me) my sister in law leans into me about 2 feet away from my face, squints her eyes like the following:

Narrowing of a person's eyes can indicate evaluation, perhaps considering that something told to them is not true (or at least not fully so).

Yeah, that look.. And says looking right into my eyes in a hushed tone in response to my packing "As long as it's all on the up and up":

From collins dictionary

phrase

If someone ison the up and up, they are honest andsincere.

[US,informal]

I'm a pretty good judge of men. If you're honest and on the up and up, I'll be able to tell it.

It was a comment that didn't even fit the conversation but intentionally fit in upon parting ways...My answer to this was oh yeah we're going with her mom and aunt, no shenanigans and her response was not ohhh I'm teasing or ohhh I'm pulling your leg (drip feed) it was a very stern "well that's good ". I guess it was a had to be there moment to understand... If no one here thinks that was an obvious dis then I am obviously in the wrong place indeed cause I'm pretty sure I'm not being unreasonable for being peeved.

Sounds like making a big mountain out of a very small molehill. What a fuss . Sometimes I get sick of hearing about other people's holiday plans - maybe she was a bit "over it" too. Her comments seemed so mild, I can't even imagine why you'd take such offence. Enjoy your holiday .

She was not pulling my leg...that's why it peeved me off so much and she shouldn't have been fed up, I said it once over dinner and mentioned packing in the parking lot. I will enjoy my holiday thank you...we leave Christmas Eve for Cuba, I'll be sure to enjoy the warm weather seeing as I am in Canada

Hands on head in despair
I ve read this twice and still don’t get what you are up in arms about surely it was someone probably pulling your leg maybe she was fed up with hearing about your holiday
Then there’s the whole chunk about your husbands previous family history which surely is not your business at all
I m sorry you ve got idiots for family members but probably best to let your husband sort them and you get on enjoying your career and your holiday

Drip feeder, very nice. I apologize. It is Christmas, it sucks to have idiots for family members and I needed a place to just do a quick rant...I see that alot here and didn't ever see it as drip feeding.. I'm positive if I wrote 11 years of crap I could be accused of over feeding! I'm 50 years old and in nursing school..I only have limited time throughout my day but thanks all the same...FlexibleFriend!?!?

Yet another drip feeder, if you want intelligent responses try giving the facts up front, rather than wait to see how people respond and then drip feed a bit more info. It just makes people switch off.

Sorry. This is all too much for me! I' m afraid I don't have the energy to spare to make an intelligent or supportive suggestion. I'll just focus on my own crisis and wish you well!

And my H's sister who witnessed the comment from her other brothers wife to me when I spoke to her after about how upset I was..and no she was not joking said not to listen to her, she never makes any sense. It made perfect sense to me but H's sister hates upset or confrontation and would rather we all just get along. I see it as let her get away with crap! Over and over cause I could write pages about the crap in the last 11 years!!

Thanks for the replies, we saw my mil all the time, never stopped seeing her, and DH's sister as well..just not his brother and wife. There was no will or anything until 7 yrs ago when she was put into a nursing home and DH's sister and brother went to the lawyer to set up who would be responsible for making decisions on her behalf which my H was ok with. DH just never thought when she passed they would exclude him completely. He and I have had a relationship with his sistet and her husband so to have her just not include H in any funeral planning was a shock.

As for H's brother and wife, the have owed H thousands of dollars since before we met, he got some back but not all, he put it aside for family sake. Then they put themselves in the middle of H's relationship with his sons and then his ex wife of 20 years with whom no one was in contact with her all those years...she left H and their 2 teenage boys at the time when she met a man online and remarried. Once the boys were older and moved out, their mother decided to tell them all the reasons she did what she did and wht she left. This caused them to disengage from their father, pretty much alienation. The sil who said to me about my trip being on the up and up just 2 months prior to that comment fessed up to my H she had been talking with his ex wife after 20 years passed of no one speaking to her to try and build a bridge. This did not go over well with H and then after what she said to me, that was the last straw. Thousands of dollars, meddling in his life, rude comments to me, he's done. I believe his sister didn't want to be in the middle so chose sides...her 2 sons work for H's brother..makes it all a bit tricky for her.

To be honest, I think I'd have said something along the lines of "What are you implying you saucy madam"! And then I'd have laughed it off. No way was that rather lame joke worth a huge family fall out and rift that's gone on for 2 years and extended beyond the grave. Life is too short Megsgma, please, sort it out rather than let it fester any longer.

sense of humour clash ,shame it affected your OH's relationship with his mother .

Me too NanaandGrampy.