Handing on the baton

I think the younger generation enjoy family Christmases very much, but have very little intention of taking up the baton, because 'we work, you know.' Our generation, obviously , never did.
When I worked, my younger colleagues were appalled by the idea that they should even consider hosting Christmas, and I am watching young families loading up cars now where I live, having spent Christmas with mum and dad.
Again.
On the other hand, I have two friends who won't allow their daughters to cook; one insists that the family, ( 4 adults one child plus large dog) comes to stay in her two bedroomed house, then complains no one helps her, and the other one cooks the entire meal and takes it up to her daughter's house for her family on Christmas day.
Me? After 40 years of hosting I have had Christmas Day at my daughter and partner's house for the first time ever, and it was WONDERFUL.

morethan2
As long as you keep hosting, they'll keep coming.
I wonder if it's a bit like chairing a committee; if you don't resign and nobody kicks you off, you could have the job forever.
If you want to be released from service perhaps you should hint throughout the year so as to warn people. You could suggest an alternative such as hiring caterers. My in-laws did that for an anniversary once and although it was nice enough, it was not the same atmosphere or food as when they did it themselves but it showed the rest of us what hard work it was and DMil had time to take her apron off and dress for dinner!.

It doesn’t have to be all or nothing though. I’m 72 and still ‘host’ Christmas Dinner, but only the main course. This year my son sorted the starters anc my daughter the pudding. That spreads the cost and the load.

I think I should mention that when I agreed with the term ‘handing on the baton’ I didn’t mean nominating or expecting anyone else to pick it up. It was more a case of just laying down the baton so that it was entirely up to ‘someone else’ whether they picked it up or not. I half expected the big gatherings to be replaced by more smaller affairs but that isn’t what happened.

Thank you for all your comments. They have given me food for thought. Especially Far North's and Notanan2. I agree about giving plenty of notice Far North and I've already put out a few feelers. I did say yesterday, quite light heartedly, when they were leaving, that I thought I might stop at aged 70.

I also agree with you notanan2 that I shouldn't expect anyone else to take over if I want to stop. The thing is they all love the day as it stands and DD definitely not up for it and not enough room at her place anyway.

For next year ideally I would like us all to go out for lunch then all back to our house for present opening, drinks and easy small buffet in the evening. Don't think they think I mean it but will do as Far North says and give plenty of notice.

Occasionally we have been to a DD for Christmas but our home has the bigger dining space.....

I am 75 and still going strong. If I begin to struggle, I will look for ways round it, buying ready made rather than cooking, getting guests to earn their keep.

Thirty years ago when I was working full time and doing Christmas , I drew up a spreadsheet that spreads the preparations for Christmas over several month to make the Christmas period easier and this works pretty well. This year I succumbed to the modern pattern for getting Christmas decorations up in early December and spread doing it over 3 weeks rather than a full day of hard work and rushing round the Sunday before Christmas. It is a pattern that is now on the spread sheet.

I wish I had some one to hand the baton onto, it’s getting mighty heavy

I agree with another poster re not expecting anyone to "take over"

Just say you have had enough of hosting. That should not be dependant on others taking over. They might. They might not. They might suggest pub lunch instead. Or a series of smaller gatherings.

YANBU to stop doing it
YABU to expect someone else to do it for you instead by taking on the same format.

These last four years we have gone to our son and dil and dgc. Previously I hosted.

I enjoy it thoroughly, it is a great day and I am happy to sit back. Especially as I cater for them with a roast dinner every Sunday

You make a good point about young families preferring to stay in their own homes. When I passed the baton, my eldest granddaughter took the opportunity to start having christmas day at home so that the children could enjoy the toys properly and the family could just relax.

My son and daughter in law tried for years to get her mum to hand over the baton, and eventually succeeded. They really wNted to be able to stay in their own home instead of having to drag the children up to granny’s. ( not that they didn’t get on or anything). They felt it was selfish of her and eventually the change was made.
My son is an excellent cook and does an exceptional meal so now he does the main course and others contribute to the desserts. I have enjoyed sharing the leftovers today.
I havent hosted for years. Our house is too small. I am very happy to enjoy other people’s hospitality.

I've done Christmas for 41 years since my DM died. Some years I've had help with prepping veg or washing up but it is hard work. It's easier now I'm retired but wonder what age it will get too much.

I think handing on the baton is a very apt description of what I did six years ago now. Apart from one year, I’d hosted Christmas for 45 years and as the family grew and weight older (my husband is 18 years older than me), it began to be more of a chore for me than a pleasure. Seating 20 plus people meant we had to take the doors off the dining room to extend the table with pasting table, garden table and anything else we could think of, organise loans of extra stools, a second microwave etc., and I always seemed to be left to cope with children, babies and putting the final touches to the meal while most of the adults vanished to the pub. I’ve always been regarded as a good coper but always having a very hectic chrustmas day and not really being able to sit and relax until well into the evening began to take its toll.

The year I handed on the baton, we’d both been ill with proper flu for some weeks and I was hoping that someone would recognise the state of our health and volunteer to take over that year but no one did. So on the afternoon of Christmas day, feeling utterly exhausted, I announced my retirement from hosting Christmas. And there was a stunned silence and cries of ‘you don’t really mean it do you? It’s tradition’. But I did mean it and since then my daughters and one granddaughter have taken it in turns to host and done a superb job. I can’t tell you how much I’ve enjoyed not having to do all the slog work.

My family isn’t selfish at all but it never seemed to cross their minds that mum might not actually be heartbroken if Christmas Day took place somewhere else.

There was something on the radio recently about adult children still wanting Mum and Dad ( mainly Mum) to do all the hosting and that they love being looked after.
You either think that is charming....or perhaps selfish of them?
The main reason that we often host things is that we prefer to be at home on Christmas Day, but when it becomes too much for us, we’ll tell them.

I watched my mum do it for years Suedonim and that's obviously how I got my " skills ".

Not so much handing on the baton here but taking a sabbatical.I have done very Xmas dinner for the last 30 years except an odd year off in the early years of our marriage.We only had 8 this year but I'm ready for a change.We did do our meal on Xmas Eve this year because one of our DDs was working Xmas day.And it was actually lovely for a change.But still exhausting.
However I want either someone else to do it next year,or I'm going to put my foot down if no offers and make a huge turkey and ham pie so it's all a lot easier.We had one today with the leftovers and I honestly think we enjoyed it more than Xmas dinner.

I woke up with a headache this morning, after hosting a family all day party yesterday. There were 9 of us, and I did it all. DH thought he was helping by setting the table, but that's all he did.
It was lovely, but we've had them all again today! Only had to prepare a buffet this time, so not much cooking. They've all gone home now and I'm having a good relaxing time with my new toy (Echo Spot) which doubles as my bedroom alarm clock.
DH wants to go somewhere tomorrow, but I really don't feel like going out and doing things. I just want a nice relaxing day.

We take turns to host, but all bring part of the meal, last year we went to my DD and she also had her inlaws as well as us, there was 14 in total and we all took part of the meal, I was responsible for the puds, DS and Family took the starters, In-Laws took the prepped Veg and DD did the meat. This year as my husband was recovering from heart surgery, we stayed at home and I cooked for just my DS and 2 children, they came at 11 and went at 4, just long enough to see them but piece and quiet afterwards, As long as everyone does their bit it is not a lot of work, I and I love it. I will be sad when I can no longer do it.

My dd is an excellent cook, Ellan so I'm happy to let her reign in my kitchen! I've no idea how she came to be so good as she never made so much as a cup of tea when she lived at home.

I'm a self-controlled person, always have been and if I had to set-to with meals for all the family, I'd still do it and next Christmas I'll be 79 and have no intention of sitting back while others do it. All being well !
Besides, one GS says I make the best gravy, and that makes a meal I think, although I say it myself.

Then again I always cook myself a Sunday roast throwing in extra in case anyone calls, so love cooking. I know this isn't cooking on a large scale but even so I was used to doing it in the past and any timing comes natural the same as if I was cooking for an " army ". I never flap.

I agree. Janeainsworth, to 'hand over the baton' does sound like one is getting ready to pop one's clogs. Delegating is the way to go.

There are ten of us here this year, seven of whom are adults. There have been plenty of hands on deck to help with chores, food prep, clearing up and so on. Although I put the turkey in the oven yesterday, I had no other input into the meal at all, apart from setting fire to the Christmas pudding, which of course is fun!

Everyone does their bit without asking but if in your house no one offers, then indeed delegating is best. Sometimes people don't offer because they think you prefer to be in control and they don't want to tread on toes.

If there are grumbles about having to help then they don't get invited next year!

I think it makes a huge difference if you have willing helpers and are able to delegate!

DD is keen to have Christmas at hers next year. We'll see.
I always used to go to his folks or mine but since DM died and in-laws moved to a smaller place it's gradually been us who host with others bringing something.
So the transition has been fairly seamless.

I think 'handing over the baton' is making too big a deal of it. It sounds so final, and one-foot-in-the grave-ish.
We have had Christmases at the AC's, but sometimes they decide to come to us. I leave it up to them. This year they came here, and it's been lovely.
We all know we are always welcome at each other's houses.
I'm aware though that the time will come when they prefer to be in their own houses, and probably I'll feel a mixture of sadness and relief that I won't be hosting Christmas any more.