Ruined New Year's dinner

Also why would u take pretzels &mustard just take wine like normal people & just do NOT be late as well jeez

Agree with all suggestions my sympathies it's always wise after the event. (damn it ) soo
moving forward (I hate that expression). 1/do you like them enough to put it behind you start again etc if yes then it's obvious do the laughing off thing if not let it go

Anja yes same here. we would have put the lot in the fridge and scoffed it the next day. I can't understand why everyone bolted down all those pretzels and mustard!!!!!

My friend has been home from abroad but due to family commitments we could only meet last night. She invited me round any time after 7pm for a catch up. I text in the afternoon and asked what colour wine she preferred but she said she had some. When I got there (7.30pm) ,with gin and tonics, she had prepared a meal. I felt so bad I was not there at seven ! I was actually full from a meal with DS late afternoon but I ate it all. It was a lovely gesture I just wish she had told me.

Pick something they can bring of your own choosing next time, that way they feel as if they contributed but also you know what it is going to be.
For our Thanksgiving our soon to be in-laws kept pestering me about bringing food that needed cooking at our house but I had so many things perfectly planned to be done at dinner that I would have no oven room for anything else.
Finally I asked them to bring olives, cranberry sauce and bread even though I had plans to supply them - and they were quite happy to be contributing- and so was I :-)
It's more about the people invited, not the perfectly orchestrated dinner.

I keep thinking about the leftover very expensive center cut filet mignons that I special ordered from the butcher and had baked to rosy perfection.

We Gransnetters could have helped you out willa - I like cold beef.

It's not worth ruining a friendship for - one of my dear friends is driving me scatty at the moment, but we'll get through it.
Enough said!

I think you are all more forgiving than me! My sister-in-law and her husband arrived at 8.45pm on 29th, having previously said they'd like just some bread and cheese at that time. We gave them that, preceded by home-made courgette soup. Her husband asked for home-made chutney. I said we had none but offered him some from our local deli. He then said it wasn't very nice! They stayed one night and I served lunch for 12 adults and 2 children the next day. Two days later they were back, as he had left a pair of shoes. Since they arrived at 12.30 we gave them lunch of cold turkey, home-made cranberry sauce and salad. I offered some coleslaw and he told my sister-in-law, who is virtually blind, "It's not home-made." Now, I had made a huge bowl of cole slaw for Christmas Day supper but we had eaten all that. Do you think he was rude? I certainly do.

The OP should relax and think herself lucky she has friends who want to come to dinner and thought (wrongly) that they were making a contribution to the feast.

If she has avoided a major falling out, she and her OH might get invited back and could bring the pretzels.

Ha ha, desert, Dessert even! ( dessert wars?)

Your friend was thoughtless and rude to ignore your requests and to spoil your dinner.

However, if you want to remain friends, you will have to be the bigger person. If she lacks empathy, as her actions reveal, she will be offended if you are still cross with her.

Another time, do what I do to keep my cool with DH, guests and booze:- have a cold but delicious pre prepared starter, an undestroyable main such as a very fancy casserole with a last minute ( bought) pastry ‘hat’ per person, a premade desert like Pavlova and a fabulous cheeseboard. No effort on the night and delays will harm nothing.

You will also be able to be with your guests drinking Champagne and policing the nibbles rather than fuming in the kitchen.

Dinner parties are like war. Strategy and the element of surprise are essential. Be the general and keep control of your battlefield.

Good resolution willa.

A happy ending, OP, that’s good!

Coming an hour late is ridiculous. But it’s still better than turning up half an hour early. There’s nothing worse when you’re hosting than having to take coats and get drinks and be polite to someone sitting there when you need to be doing your last minute prep or making yourself presentable. As for is there anything we can do? Yes, b*** off and come back at the right time.

Oh Urmstongran, if we were ever going anywhere, I used to have to tell DH that we were leaving an hour earlier; he used to faff around so much that we were always an hour late. So he had his hour to 'faff' and I was relaxed because I knew we had an hour's leeway!

Next year Nannie41 you could pretend to your daughter you intend serving dinner an hour earlier than you really plan to!

I live abroad. The custom here when invited to dinner is to say "Shall I bring a dessert or would you prefer starters?" It is also the custom to arrive on time !

Oh, I do like a happy ending.

I wanted to add that she did text me when they were leaving. About an hour later, 6:35 to be exact, I got another text saying "Were on the road". I recall feeling a bit uneasy after that. Why would I need reassurance unless......?

I didn't know that they had been buying wine at the local liquor store followed by another excursion to the food store to shop for pretzels. When she texted 'we're on the road', they hadn't even started out because they were still only a few blocks away from their own house!!

So just to bring you up to date:

Earlier today, we exchanged a few texts about the "InstaPot" I recommended which she ordered on Amazon and received this afternoon....She was really happy with it...so yes, our friendship remains the same and all is forgiven. To be fair, she's a bit absent minded and I was over tired. I also suspect she may have a touch of ADD or something akin to that...but nobody's perfect I guess, so we take the good with the bad, and call it a day.

Having said that, I wanted to thank all of you for your thoughtful replies, your commiseration and your patience. What I needed the most was a virtual hug and I feel I got much more .........so, thank you all once again!

I think perhaps your friends just felt they should contribute. It was unfortunate, and rather rude, that they were so late.

In my view, though, you went to far too much trouble and it would have been less upsetting for your and more relaxing if you'd done something simpler - perhaps a buffet that people could pick at and where it isn't so essential that they be there exactly on time.

What I remember most about an evening is the people I have met and the fun I have had - not the food (although if the food was ghastly I suppose I would remember that).

I think I will give this saying to my Daughter and her family, who are NEVER on time, on Christmas Day they wrote a text saying " late as usual" they were leaving home then, eighteen miles later and they were half an hour late, bringing some of the dinner with them, so everyone had to wait, not acceptable.I have talked to her many times but she just blames it on her two teenage girls that they delay them,I dont think so!

I'm not sure how much of a friendship it is, or why you want to continue it?

You told her all food was organised, she wanted to bring a ham (ie impose her own menu)

You told her not to bring food - you could not stop her.

They knew you were cooking and didn't phone to let you know they would be late and why

You didn't feel able to phone them and say "where are you, we're eating at ...? It won't keep we'll have to start on time"

You didn't feel able to take their gift, say thank you and serve your menu, you let them pig out on shop bought snacks while you slaved in the kitchen

Your guests didn't feel obliged to eat the food you cooked for them

I could feel the tension through the computer - your friends may be rude, thoughtless and inconsiderate (just going on your account) but they definitely noticed. The fact that they did nothing about it is a further black mark in my opinion.

It's the being over an hour late that would annoy me and was the main reason that the evening went pear shaped.
After saying this, I wouldn't let it ruin a friendship so perhaps give your friend a call, just to say how much you enjoyed their company on NYE.
Then let it go!

willa45 all I can say is: can we come to yours next NYE? We promise not to eat any pretzels!!! ?

Maybe you could just put it behind you? When I was in hospital last August, there were older people in there with no family and no friends. I found it very upsetting. We need all the friends we can get!!!

An hour late? No phone call? They wouldn't get asked here again.

Oh dear willa I can understand how you feel. You cooked an amazing meal and your friends spoiled it. My husband is a chef and would have gone totally bananas at them being late quite apart from everything else. I really don't know why they ignored your request, a bit odd.
All that said it would be a shame to lose a long standing friendship over the incident. If you ever invite them again do as other posters suggest and ask them to bring the wine.
If you want to invite me to a meal like that I promise to be on time and bring the bubbly