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So angry

(18 Posts)
Tooting29 Fri 11-Jan-19 18:44:41

I am so angry at my DH at the moment after an everyday conversation just turned into a heated row. I was showing DH the birthday present I had bought for my 11 year old GS next month. It was some clothes I bought based on a fun discussion I had with GS over Christmas which I know he will like. ( Tshirt and combat trousers) DH then launched into a rant about how he doesn't understanding GS, based on the fact that a couple of years ago he grew his hair long and once was wearing nail varnish which shocked him. DH has pre conceived out of date ideas about what boys should do, based around being sporty etc. DGS has an active life, enjoys Cubs, riding his bike, and like music and performing. DD is taking a very gender neutral line in bringing up her children (another thing he doesn't understand) and believes kids should try anything. I challenged these pre conceived ideas calmly and he then just ended shouting at me, and I told him in no uncertain terms that was not acceptable to behave and that his attitude was upsetting for me. He seems to think because he is old he is entitled to say what he thinks That's fine but then he needs to be able to handle that perhaps I don't want to hear his opinion nor agree with it and may challenge it. He then retreated behind his paper and whilst I got an apology out of him. I am still fuming. I am also concerned that GS will, pick up on his attitude too. Rant over. Any thoughts

mumofmadboys Fri 11-Jan-19 18:49:33

I don't know how old your DH is. The older you are the more set your ideas are. The world is changing rapidly. Try to calm down and make up. Your DH will probably think things over following your discussion.

Gonegirl Fri 11-Jan-19 18:56:09

Oh, he's got exactly the same attitude as my DH towards elder GS. DIsapproves of the long (fashionably untidy) hair, the black nail polish, and the items of clothing that I contribute. I take no notice. You should do the same. Let them be happy in their daft-old-fartdom. Avoid the subject.

paddyann Fri 11-Jan-19 19:04:43

Long hair is right back in fashion ,my GS has really untidy long hair that his GF dyes all sorts of colours,pink,blue etc.She's a trainee hairdresser .Your OH has to understand life isn't how it was when he was 11 or even when he was in his teens.Its not a problem to try different things an dits just a part of growing up and if he doesn't take that onboard his GS may keep out of his way...would he like that?

FarNorth Fri 11-Jan-19 19:12:30

Is your DH likely to discuss this sensibly, once he's calmed down?
Without shouting, could he explain what it is that's worrying him?
With luck he'd realise there's actually nothing to worry about.

EllanVannin Fri 11-Jan-19 19:22:02

Kids are kids in different ways. Society has changed hugely from the Davy Crockett hats of yesteryear. We all have to move with the times although it hurts some.

Izabella Fri 11-Jan-19 19:36:33

A relevant song for you by the lovely Scottish singer/songwriter. Listen to the words ..............

Cherrytree59 Fri 11-Jan-19 19:59:09

Maybe remind him of the fashion when he was teenager.
Do you have any photos?

My teenage years most lads had lovely long hair.

paddyann Fri 11-Jan-19 20:21:56

Love that Track *Izabella" she's a very talented young woman and was very young when she wrote this .

BradfordLass72 Fri 11-Jan-19 21:30:01

My youngest grandson is 9 and currently sports a long floppy piece of hair at one side and very short at the other. He looks fantastic.

Like your daughter, I brought my boys up to accept all differences but explained to them that many people, not just older ones, would disagree with what they said, did, how they looked and dressed (I remember the quite undeserved and inexplicable furore about Boy George); the music they listened to and its volume; the literature they chose and much more.
But it's their lives and they must be true to themselves but respect other's right to an opinion even if they don't agree with them.

It was ever thus: "Young people think they know everything, and are always quite sure about it." Aristotle - 4 BC.

Have a talk with your grandson, he'll probably understand Grandfather is 'old school' and sometimes outspoken and grumpy....just don't let it affect him.

He'll be very grateful you are the kind, accepting Gran he needs. thanks

BradfordLass72 Fri 11-Jan-19 21:32:47

Just found this amusing site:

GrandmaKT Fri 11-Jan-19 22:37:49

I've noticed teenage boys are sporting long hair again. About time!
How old is your DH Tooting29? I would have thought most men of our generation grew up with long hair themselves?

Luckygirl Fri 11-Jan-19 23:24:40

Thank goodness long hair is coming back for boys - I can't stand this shaved look.

Just ignore your OH - let him ramble on; just object if he says it directly in front of DGS.

grumppa Fri 11-Jan-19 23:33:02

That's a fine compendium, BradfordLass72, but it omits my favourite: "I would there were no age between ten and three-and-twenty, or that youth would sleep out the rest; for there is nothing in the between but getting wenches with child, wronging the ancientry, stealing, fighting....."

The Old Shepherd in The Winter's Tale.

"The older you are the more set your ideas are." I'm not sure about that, mumofmadboys. I find that I am getting more tolerant, if anything.

Izabella Sat 12-Jan-19 10:43:30

Glad you like it paddyann. She was 15 when she wrote that song.

FarNorth Sat 12-Jan-19 10:50:59

Another thought, might your DH be afraid that if your DGS appears 'feminine', with long hair and nail varnish, that he could come to believe he is, in fact, female?
In the current climate that is not so very unlikely.

It is less likely to happen, tho, if DGS has people around him who completely accept him however he chooses to look and dress.

Jalima1108 Sat 12-Jan-19 11:37:08

Nail varnish is very 'in' at the moment.
Especially green sparkly.

I remember young men with long hair, flowery shirts - oh 'Those were the days, my friend'.

Jalima1108 Sat 12-Jan-19 11:41:38

ps - just a thought Tooting - is your DH of an age where he just may have worn his hair long and worn a flowery shirt in the 60s?
It might be worth reminding him if he did.