to not discuss psychology appointments

Hi , the same happened to me after childbirth and eventually I sought help in the same way as you have done .
But it is private so when I was asked ( once again the same as you ) for a blow by blow account. After speaking to my therapist about it , she advised Me to say that while undergoing treatment as this isn't helpful to discuss any issues with other, especially without trained support . By the end of my treatment I was able to say , that the whole thing was between me and my therapist and I would not be talking about it - which I never have.
Well done seeing a therapist and good luck with the treatment.
It changed my life and I have never looked back , I hope it does the same for you.

Pippa22 "I will tell you all about it" isn't a promise to give details about every session, its a holding device that gives time to consider options and take decisions. There may be at some point things muffin wants to share with her mum. There may not, but thinking she will eventually know all will keep mum quiet, otherwise they are liable to have the same disagreement every time they speak. Mum may be told that muffin can't and won't share, but she won't necessarily accept that.

I agree with Missadventure, tell your Mum that your psychologist has told you not to discuss the content.

In fact I would suggest it will interfere with the work you are doing in your sessions, to share with one and all.

You could mention this to your psychologist too.

I agree with much of what has been said by others on here. All very sound advice.
You are the important one in this conversation and your privacy and confidentiality is of paramount importance.
Just tell mum that if she persists in asking/digging, that you won't welcome her calls, that you are not going to and never will disclose the conversations with your therapist and she should respect your decision in that regard.
Normal non- intrusive calls would, however, be welcome.
If she does step outside the boundary, say 'Goodbye mum' and put the phone down.

Ask your therapist about this and how you should handle it. She will have come across this before and be able to give you some tools to use to handle the situation,Tell your Mother you are not doing any talking at the moment, just exercises to relax you so that you will be able to do more talking later on. That might buy you a bit of time til you feel stronger.
Hope that helps. Good Luck.

I don’t think you should do as Trisher says and promise to tell your mum all about the sessions afterwards . You are an adult and the sessions are between your therapist and you. What right has your mum to be told you will tell all to her. Much better to say it is private and you can’t discuss it now nor will you in the future. Your mum is not entitled to know everything about your life. Beyond saying afterwards that it was really helpful, you can keep all details to yourself- and not feel guilty if you do. Good luck with it all.

Tell her medical records are highly confidential and must remain so! You are protected by Data Protection.

I agree with Harrigan. It is hard to be assertive when you are not feeling your best either physically or psychologically and you also have a new baby to live with. Start by deciding when you want to talk to her on the phone. Then ignore her calls and ring her when you feel strongest. Try to say as firmly and in as few ways as possible that you are not going to talk about the session. Whether you say that the psychologist has advised you against talking about them, or that you don't want to because you don't want to think about it all the time (probably easier if you are not talking about it all the time) and then change the subject. If she keeps bringing it up, tell her that you did mean it about not talking about it and change the subject again. End the call when you feel it is in any way bothering you.
It is easy to tell people to take control and difficult to do it but it does get easier with practice.

Hi, if you’re still reading the replies! I think it’s very telling that you are questioning your right to keep some things confidential from your mother. Yes, you are very entitled to do so! Infact, it wouldn’t be appropriate to discuss your therapy with anyone, I would say. That’s the whole point of it....it is time for you and your therapist to spend together and for no one else to be involved. Next time your mother rings, you can confidently say that you’ve reached a stage in the appointments, where you aren’t going to discuss any of it any further with anyone. She won’t like it but leave it at that...and when she asks you why, just say it’s what you’ve decided and repeat yourself if necessary. I understand only too well, the ‘hold’ an abusive parent has on you. Be strong...this is all part of the therapy journey that you are going through...and you will come out the other side.

I am rather surprised that the psychologist didn't suggest that the therapy is confidential.
Have you already discussed it with her or with your DH ?
It is sometimes difficult to back off if you have already shared stuff.
However, you may have to make a fresh start and really do not discuss it with anyone outside the consulting room.
Certainly not with us on here?

I hope the counselling helps you find some peace and understanding in the future.

Do tell your therapist all about what your mum is doing I am sure they will have something to say. I would think it would be very confusing to discuss everything twice, obviously the easiest route is to say you have been told not to rediscuss anything. I really wish you all the best with this.

It sounds as if your mother is feeling guilty about your childhood and wantvs the opportunity to defend herself against any accusations. You are an adult now and you have to find the courage to say it's private and you don't want to talk about it. You don't have to explain yourself, it is she who is being unreasonable by asking.

If one result of it is to help you to deal with your mother's behaviour by perhaps modifying your reactions or giving you coping mechanisms then that will be a good outcome, but she has no right to know.
What happens between psychologist and patient is confidential.

I agree with others who have suggested she may suspect that your relationship with her will have been discussed, and I too would simply say you don’t want to talk about it.

You are quite entitled not to tell her anything about the discussions, it's none of her business.

I would stay vague but certainly not confrontational if you want to have a future friendly relationship with your Mum. Fain fatigue or change the subject as often as you can. Keep a written list of topic prompts with you when you chat. Don't answer every single call. As others have said, I would most certainly run this by my therapist. I'm certain he/she will have very helpful advice on this. I'm very much impressed by your courage in this step you have taken and only sorry that you have found it necessary to do so. I wish you every success with the outcome. Well done you.

This is so clear. Do not tell anyone details of your treatment. There may come a time when you are advised to confront certain issues with various people. But it must be at the right time, when you are able to do it, and with the right support. Good luck

As has already been suggested talk to your psychologist.

They will help you to deal with this situation and letting them know what you are experiencing NOW will help them, help you.

Any therapy is Personal, and you have The Right to Have Your Therapy.

You have the right to share it with someone IF you want -Be Very Careful about sharing any insights with others.

Relationships change but any information/insights you have shared may be remembered. It's a bit like be careful what you put on the web it may come back and bite you.

So you are being wise and self caring by Not sharing your therapeutic experiences with anyone you don't feel you have a safe and caring relationship with.

On to how to deflect or better still STOP them asking you, your psychologist really will help.

However, there is nothing wrong with putting your hand up in the Stop sign and Stating "I can't do this right now".

Better still is the hand up Stop and I Won't Do this. I Won't answer your questions.

You can soften the "Stop" with the already good suggestion "It's been difficult enough to get through the appointment, I can't do it twice".

Then firm up with "I won't do it twice. I won't put myself thought it again now".

Please, please, please use the words Stop and Won't (Will Not) preferably at the start and end of the discourse.

If that isn't working you can try the following deflection techniques. I know these have worked for others in similar situations to yours.

I have suggested to clients that they match their questioners ( interrogators) questions by being somewhat rude.

The questions you are being asked are very personal and it is very rude and damaging to be asking those questions so come back in kind.

As an answer to their questions ask "How much have you got in your bank?" We know it's none of your business - that's the point.

Really provocative is to ask questions about their sex life - anything you judge will be shocking. It is no one else's business - that's the point.

I'll probably get ripped at for suggesting this but I know it works so I'll take a bashing if it's coming.

The aim is to make them back off. Also to support your statement that You Have The Right to Privacy in areas of your life just as much as they do.

So a statement of I don't ask you about your finance, your sex life (or whatever touchy area you know about) followed by Stop asking me about ... my personal therapy, thoughts, feelings, hurts etc.

It's ok for them not to answer you, or for them to even get angry unless anger from your Mum or MIL is likely to result in you being fully attacked.

If an attack is likely you know how best to use any advice you've received to Keep Yourself Safe.

Just to be clear. You haven't said anything about being attacked and I'm not trying to suggest anything like that but I don't want you to come to any harm. I'm not there, I don't know what your life is like, just stay safe.

If you are not likely to be attacked let them be angry IF you can cope with it. Anger will most probably come as a Verbal Attack but you can get a lot of information from standing and listening to an angry person shouting.

Someone being angry at you and not getting a Fear response from you really throws them off their game.

And you are in a Game, a Power struggle, and by getting help your are starting to Win and that will not be welcomes.

No wonder your Mum wants to know what is happening in your therapy, she needs to have her game plan in place. By the way I am not suggesting this is at the level on conciseness. I doubt it is but never the less you are in for a battle.

The battle is for your freedom to be You. Fully you, strong you who is the centre of your world. Always a battle worth fighting but never an easy fight. Take as much help as you can but only that which really is helpful.

If anyone without good reason asks anyone for information they do not want to share and that person will not listen to NO then on their own head be it.

Being related, part of your past, your present and possibly your future, is not a good reason for sharing information you want to keep private.

So you protect your self, your feelings, the work you are doing in therapy and Never doubt You Have The Right to do that.

Wishing you all the best for a good outcome.

Just to reinforce what everyone has already advised.
You are right to want privacy about what has been discussed between you and your psychologist.
Absolutely!
I would mention to your psychologist exactly what you have said in this thread, I'm sure that she will give you good advice.

Don't discuss your MIL with your mother (and vice-versa).

Just tell your mother that you have discussed so much with the psychologist that you feel completely 'talked out' and cannot speak about it any more. That you still have much to go through and you cannot possibly rationalise much of it as yet.

You do not have to tell her anything but you need to find a way of putting this firmly but diplomatically - perhaps your psychologist can help you do that.

I hope the psychologist will give you the strength to be able to deal with your mother muffin.

I agree with FaNorth discuss this with your therapist who will be the best person to advise you how to deal with it.

Tell her "Mum, thanks for being so supportive but I'm working on some stuff and my psychologist would prefer me not to say anything until we've worked it through. But once we have and I'm ready I will tell you all about it. I hope you don't mind."
And then change the subject.

Discuss this problem with the psychologist and get her advice s to how to handle it.

Do NOT take your Dad's advice!!!

Your Mum is feeling insecure because she knows you will be talking about things that happened as a child. I can understand her discomfort. TBH I would not have told her that I was going to these sessions; but she knows now and you need your psychologist's advice as to how to deal with her, and how to refuse to reveal anything in a way that does not make you feel bad.

But the principle that your sessions are private is absolutely right.

Don't make anything up, or tell her "harmless titbits"!
That would only encourage her to keep asking.

You are entitled to have your privacy, about this and about anything else.

Your mother can only cross question you if you allow her to. You are in control, when she phones you do not take the call.
Your sessions are private and no business of anyone else.