I don't know if AIBU is the right place for this; I suppose I just want confirmation that I'm doing the right thing and maybe some advice on how to handle this.
I have recently started a course of psychology appointments following a very difficult birth a few months ago. I expected to 'get over' my feelings around the birth, but I have realised that as I am a few months on and still struggling, it's best to get some help to feel 'normal' again. I've found myself unable to do things like go to a doctor for any reason, and that's obviously not tenable in the long term.
I like the psychologist who is seeing me, but we covered quite a lot of ground in assessment appointments, and she has told me she wants to work on historical trauma as part of the course of treatment. I've mentioned in previous posts that we had a sort of difficult childhood and my mother has a lot of problems of her own; our relationship is very difficult for me to navigate. We have a lot of contact though.
The crux of the problem is this. Mum is aware I am having these appointments, and is phoning me up after each one and expecting (indeed asking for) a blow by blow recap of what was discussed at the appointment. She seems to be under the impression my MIL will be blamed for everything, and to be... gathering ammunition or something?
I absolutely do not want to have these conversations, and am struggling hard with shutting them down. I absolutely am not prepared to tell her that I am going to embark on trauma work related to her conduct towards me in childhood and our ongoing relationship. This work is for my benefit, to help me to deal with some very painful and troubling stuff, and I do not want the person who - to be blunt - caused the bad experiences involved. Over and above that, she would react in a completely unhinged way to finding out I had ever criticised her, even in a therapeutic context.
I am entitled to my therapeutic privacy, right? I am not being unreasonable about this? She keeps prying and rankly attempting to cross examine me. I am well able to deflect and dodge but the continual focus on what she is describing as "keeping secrets from her" is starting to make me angry.
Do you have any suggestions for how to go about telling a very difficult person, who has longstanding untreated mental health issues, to... keep their nose out of your treatment? Has anyone else had this problem?
(My father's advice is just to make up a screed of lies about MIL which I do not want to do. I do not get on with MIL at all but whilst she causes some issues in my marriage currently, she absolutely is not to blame for the childhood stuff which has caused me so much trouble and pain. I didn't even know the woman then.)
Silent treatment - son
Caught in the act - neighbours
How to say it - 'no'