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AIBU

Baby sitting

(158 Posts)
MissAdventure Thu 17-Jan-19 11:00:06

Well, child sitting, seeing as my grandson is 11.
My neighbour/friend agreed that she would help out if I needed to work and wouldn't be home, which happened yesterday.

I worked until 10.
I came home to find grandson had put himself to bed (and was lying awake) and my neighbour had bought him down a microwave burger at dinner time.

She was sitting upstairs in her flat, and he was in mine, on his own.
I had shifts booked for the next two days, but have cancelled them, as I wouldn't have been home until 11.

I feel like crying...

In defence of my neighbour, she is a funny old stick and a bit eccentric, but I expected a bit more from her.

She knocks at mine several times a day to tell me every detail of everything that is going on with her life and that of her adult children, and I think I am more than patient.
I just feel really let down.
My first shifts and I have had to cancel..

I suppose I just wanted to get it off my chest. sad

SueDonim Thu 17-Jan-19 14:30:56

flowers

Someone above suggested employing a teenager. That's a good way to go, beneficial for both teen, your GS and of course for you. Maybe contact Guide/Scout or other youth organisations?

MissAdventure Thu 17-Jan-19 14:37:04

Thank you all for helping me.
It does me good to be able to have a sensible chat about things. (Wavery.Smile.Icon)

EllanVannin Thu 17-Jan-19 14:50:33

MissAdventure, believe me but I feel tearful for you x You're one of those people I'd help no problem if you lived near.
I know I'm old myself but I'm still perfectly capable of helping anyone in distress without bending any ears about my life history. I often wish there were folk like yourself living near instead of me being surrounded by people akin to your neighbour.

MissAdventure Thu 17-Jan-19 14:55:20

Ah, thank you, Ellan.
I just feel a bit defeated.
I love doing my care work; almost 30 years I've done it for, and it feels like its almost impossible now, just for the sake of someone to sit in my flat for a couple of hours.
Mind you, its cluttery! smile

farview Thu 17-Jan-19 15:03:23

Oh MissAdventure I can't offer any help but feel for you and your dillema ...you've been through so much and are a wonderful person...is it worth trying to find out if anyone on GN lives nearby and could help out x

MissAdventure Thu 17-Jan-19 15:06:47

Well, I wouldn't go so far as to say wonderful. grin
I was just wondering about mumsnet?
Or, going out and scanning the cards in shop windows, maybe?

jacq10 Thu 17-Jan-19 15:08:20

Like EllanVannin I wish I stayed near you (it seems as though you are in England) as it would give me a focus to help out after the death of my DH. I think it is important for you to be able to continue with your work but I, like many others on this site and yourself, don't think you should rely on your neighbour. I would suggest you contact Social Work Dept who may not be able to provide back-up but could put you in touch with a voluntary organisation who may be able to help.

EllanVannin Thu 17-Jan-19 15:31:53

I don't look at " cluttery " in any home as I'm not a judgemental person. I see it as a home however it looks. It's the people inside who matter most.

Just be very careful in your quest,MissAdventure, as I know you will be and I hope very much that a solution will be found.

MissAdventure Thu 17-Jan-19 15:39:10

Thank you.
Sometimes it helps just to have people 'listen', although being called wonderful doesn't go amiss. wink
I will be very careful, and I will carry on doing all of those things for my neighbour, now I've had time to think about it.
Not her fault; mine, for asking something which is too much for her, although I have no idea why it would be.
I'm feeling more understanding now I've moaned about her..

Jalima1108 Thu 17-Jan-19 15:57:42

Yes, best not to 'rock the boat' as you may need her in the future - although she doesn't sound at all reliable and in fact sounds a bit dotty. Your DGS is probably more sensible than she is.
You may find a teenage girl who would be happy to sit with him, but perhaps not in the week if she herself has to get up for school the next day.

I do hope you can sort out something suitable and manage to get some shifts which are better for you both.

Jalima1108 Thu 17-Jan-19 16:04:09

I would suggest you contact Social Work Dept
I'm not sure that I would do that.

A friend used to look after DC after school (wouldn't accept payment) but by the time she was 13 DC insisted she was fine to let herself in and look after herself after school.
It's not illegal to leave a child on their own but different authorities may put different interpretations on it. He sounds very sensible and I presume he has a mobile, can contact the neighbour who is only upstairs and knows all the rules re safety etc.

silverlining48 Thu 17-Jan-19 17:29:51

missA flowers [ sunshine] cupcake [ flowers] x

silverlining48 Thu 17-Jan-19 17:32:47

Sorry about the sunshine and second bunch of flowers, not sure why they didnt appear. X

silverlining48 Thu 17-Jan-19 17:34:11

Do you have a volunteer bureau nearby?

GrannyGravy13 Thu 17-Jan-19 17:38:36

Miss A, is it worth putting something on the local Facebook page (I am not on Facebook but know there is one). You may find someone in a similar situation whereby you may be able to help each other?

MissAdventure Thu 17-Jan-19 17:39:02

I don't know.
Probably not. We don't seem to have much except empty buildings.

MissAdventure Thu 17-Jan-19 17:39:54

I don't use Facebook, grannygravy.
One of those times when I wish I did though.

grannyactivist Thu 17-Jan-19 17:43:22

What a lovely attitude you have MissA; I'm feeling more understanding now I've moaned about her.
Do you have any youth provision nearby? Local youth clubs (most are church run ones) may be able to help with advice and even some provide some activity nights.

MissAdventure Thu 17-Jan-19 17:54:46

I'll check out all of the suggestions tomorrow, thank you.
Neighbour has gone off now to deal with yet another family crisis, so its just as well, really.
None of it is her fault; I think we both overestimated what she can manage these days.

GrannyGravy13 Thu 17-Jan-19 18:01:57

MissA I will make enquiries this side for you 💐

MissAdventure Thu 17-Jan-19 18:03:08

Oh thank you! I really would appreciate that! smile

Iam64 Thu 17-Jan-19 18:58:20

Miss A - just catching up with this and wanted to send some positive thoughts to you. Firstly, there is no legal age when children can be left alone. It's up to parents/carers. The down side is that if anything happens to a child (under 16) when s//he/s been left alone the carer can be prosecuted for neglect. I simply can't imagine that happening to you. I have work experience of the kind of place you find yourself and grandson in and can't imagine anyone being anything other than sympathetic and constructive

I'm involved in putting baby to bed right now, but will have a think and come back, hopefully with something constructive. Meanwhile, relax x

MissAdventure Thu 17-Jan-19 19:04:59

Its not the legal aspect that I was concerned about too much, although its also part of it.
I just think how miserable it must be to come home to an empty flat, eat dinner alone, and then get yourself ready and off to bed all without anyone there, when you've just turned 11.
Fine as a very occasional thing, perhaps, but not as a regular thing, particularly under the circumstances.

Jalima1108 Thu 17-Jan-19 19:07:50

Is this a new job MissA? Is it a case of last in does the most unsocial hours?
Would you be able to change your hours in the near future?

MissAdventure Thu 17-Jan-19 19:13:00

Its care work, and the shifts are almost always unsociable hours.
There are exceptions, but its an agency, so I have to get my feet in the door, as it were.
I think they're well and truly out at minute!
My thinking was to persevere until I could find somewhere with better hours, so I could become a regular ad hoc worker, as and when it fits in with grandson.