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AIBU

Table Manners (or lack of!)

(81 Posts)
Ngaio1 Thu 07-Feb-19 16:44:04

My daughter's boyfriend came to dinner last evening. His table manners are appalling! Elbows on the table, chewing with mouth open and waving and pointing with his irons! He is a quite well spoken chap and when away from the table, well mannered. She is very fussy and yet didn't seem to notice.

Starlady Fri 22-Feb-19 15:47:46

The only thing that would really bother me is the eating with mouth open. Yuck! However, I wouldn't say anything to bf (boyfriend) about it or to dd either. She must be aware of it, and if it bothers her, she'll deal with it, eventually. If it doesn't, it doesn't - not much you can do about that. For now, maybe try getting together with them for events that don't involve meals? Otherwise, try not to sit opposite him, LOL!

Jalima1108 Thu 21-Feb-19 19:51:54

I eat spaghetti with a spoon and fork - I twizzle the fork on a spoonful of spaghetti (as taught by an Italian).
However, sometimes I resort to eating it from the spoon if no-one else is there.

toscalily Thu 21-Feb-19 18:36:45

Now, how I wonder would you eat Spaghetti, Tagliatelli or noodles?

sarahellenwhitney Thu 21-Feb-19 16:57:00

Using a fork as if it were a shovel or a knife as if it were a spoon has on many occasions spoiled a meal for myself when in the presence of those who were clearly 'dragged' and not 'brought' up.

harrigran Mon 18-Feb-19 13:55:33

I have just witnessed the worst manners ever. I took GD to McDs and four females were eating at a table near us, when they were leaving they threw the remainder of their meals and the condiments over the people at the next table.
The offenders, all wearing pyjamas and effing and blinding, left the building and got in a taxi.
Never in my 72 years have I seen anything as vile as this, they made pond life look intelligent.

PECS Mon 11-Feb-19 12:07:37

I believe it is often attributed to Spike Milligan.

Jalima1108 Mon 11-Feb-19 12:04:25

It is proper to scoop peas - with a fork!

BradfordLass grin
That sounds like a Winnie the Pooh recommendation!

Rufus2 Mon 11-Feb-19 11:17:14

I eat my peas with honey
BradfordLass; Thanks for that! Hilarious! As is my wont these days I Googled that and was led into a musical version plus heaps of vegie rhymes on YouTube. As someone said recently I'm stuck in a time-warp, but better that than in some of these deadly serious threads! grin
Thanks!

BradfordLass72 Mon 11-Feb-19 09:19:03

I eat my peas with honey
I've done so all my life
It makes the peas taste funny
But it keeps them on the knife.
grin

Gemmag Mon 11-Feb-19 08:57:37

I don’t think one should ever make a person, particularly if it’s a guest in your house feel uneasy. If you like the person surely that’s what matters and not how they hold their knife and fork.

Riverwalk Mon 11-Feb-19 07:51:33

He'sever a lovely,polite ,helpful and hard working lad.And never fails to say thank you for a meal at ours,and always jumps up to help clear the table.Brings us a gift when he comes to stay ,and offers to treat us to meals out.I used to be itching to correct him,but now let it go.He makes DD very happy.

Washerwoman he sounds a lovely lad.

But you go on to describe him as the one with the worse table manners of the two lads, because he holds his cutlery differently from you.

Manners aren't about how you hold your knife, that's etiquette.

Rufus2 Mon 11-Feb-19 07:28:58

better eaten if scooped, e.g. peas?
Do as I do for peas! Use a spoon and push them on with my thumb! Never lost one to the carpet yet! grin

FarNorth Sun 10-Feb-19 19:51:57

I think someone eating messily is unlikely to notice & copy what others are doing as they are so used to eating the way they do.

PECS Sun 10-Feb-19 19:27:32

But who defines properly? Why is it considered by the English (don't know about Scotland, Wales and NI) to be proper to hold a fork upside down to eat food that is clearly better eaten if scooped, e.g. peas?

NotStressedOut Sun 10-Feb-19 19:19:44

Good table manners are becoming a thing of the past. Gone are the days when parents corrected their children’s manners. When I was at school lots of children don’t know how to use knives and forks correctly. The headmistress used to come into the dimming room and show the pupils how to eat correctly. I thought it was strange that that the children didn’t know how to use a knife and fork having been brought up with good table manners. But seeing many people from different cultures table manners differ in each country. A lot of people only use their fork which is typical in America. If he has good manners it maybe best to accept the way he is. The happiness of your daughter should be your priority. Best not to judge.

Cricketball Sun 10-Feb-19 16:39:25

Love is definitely blind having the same issue with my stepson’s girlfriend but her bad manners extend beyond the table. She is also causing a rift between my stepson and his son and he can’t see it, so sad.
I can’t say anything to him but his sister has had a word but all to no avail.

Jalima1108 Sun 10-Feb-19 14:59:57

Middle class snobbery comes to mind
How odd

I was brought up in a working class household - we sat at the kitchen table, were taught to use our cutlery properly, not to lick our plates (as I saw a friend of mine do once shock), break open a dinner roll and not to cut it open, to sit for ten minutes to 'let our dinner go down' then had to ask politely if we could 'get down from the table, please'.

Gemmag Sun 10-Feb-19 14:55:41

So now it is middle class snobbery to teach your children how to hold their knife and fork properly and not to slurp when their drinking, how ridiculous is this.

Ngaiol.......I just hope he didn’t lick his knife as well🤭

PECS Sun 10-Feb-19 09:49:09

Theodd I do begin to appreciate why some posters have " issues" with family & friends" when I read how fixed beliefs and attitudes are for the unimportant things!

Theoddbird Sun 10-Feb-19 09:04:59

I have read through much of this with amusement. Middle class snobbery comes to mind. Everyone is different...learn to accept people's differences and look to the inner person rather than how they eat...

moonbeames Sat 09-Feb-19 22:21:32

Yuk, eating with the mouth open is just dreadful, it would make me feel sick. I would have to say that I have already eaten or something like that. I couldn't stand to see or hear that, a deal breaker. Yuk. cupcake

annep1 Sat 09-Feb-19 21:24:00

Exactly Pecs

PECS Sat 09-Feb-19 15:18:14

I am sure that a small %age of children may need ear defenders, cranial helmets, distractions etc. for very specific reasons. Majority of kids just need lovingly applied firm and clear boundaries!

MissAdventure Sat 09-Feb-19 15:08:08

pce612
They are short for
Darling grandson, daughter, husband or grandchild..
SIL can be sister in law or son in law, and so on.
There is a list somewhere, if you want to check, or you may just want to muddle through complicated family stories. smile

ditzyme Sat 09-Feb-19 14:59:58

Don't sit facing him! Sit beside him then you can't see his face and if he waves cutlery about, do a mock dive out of the way, and laugh about it somehow to make him realise how energetic he is!