Son & DIL are making me sad with unfair expectations.

Yes, in parts of India and even in Greece the boy's parents are expected to buy a house or flat for a couple who marry, but there we are talking of very young adults.

But it doesn't matter what other cultures do. The fact that your son and his wife (?) have moved to the UK might just suggest to cynical old me that her parents had put their foot down too about providing more for what sounds like a grasping and bone idle pair.

Give them as already suggested a couple of months ´notice and then if they are still staying with you demand rent.

Is your son drawing social security, or a job-seeker's allowance? If so he should be paying some of their keep.

Don't be bullied into child-care: you didn't ask them to have the baby. and don't comment upon how they are bringing the child up.

Tell them what your expenses are and that your income just covers them (whether it does or not, it is no business of theirs what you earn). Make it clear that you have given the baby gifts etc that you intend to, and that no more will be forthcoming and stick to that.

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I was under the impression that a British person had to prove a certain level of income to be able to bring a spouse/partner into this country to live. If the son is not working, how is it that the woman is living here?

Sorry anjela I somehow missed your post which made the same point about the quantity of milk.

On the nutrition side.
360 mls is much less than a pint so how can they cut it down to a pint?
What do you mean by only white foods?
How old is the child?
I think there's unreasonable behaviour on both sides.

He "got her pregnant" well unless he raped her, it takes two and they need to accept the responsibility of that. The child is theirs, to bring up as they see fit and whilst you can give advice, it's ultimately their choices. However, if you are being expected to care for the baby, it's unreasonable to expect you not to have an opinion. They should have NO expectations of you. Anything you give should be because you want to and be within your means. Difficult as it will be, you all need to sit down and put your cards on the table.

OOps sorry, translator, not an interpreter. An interpreter takes some information or speech and makes of it what they will.

Lots of good advice already. Just wanted to add - a very wise person I knew once said to me "we teach people how to treat us". So, think about how you want to be treated by them and start teaching them. Good luck.

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Is this a joke? Sorry, I just can't take it seriously.
Your son was born and raised to adulthood in the UK so his living in Asia for 3 years can't have dulled his memory of the way life in the UK is lived.
Buying your AC and partner a house and car, all stuff for their child and giving up your job....???
I'd tell him to get on his bike and if you carry on carrying him and his family and apologising and explaining why you need to work...more fool you.
Harsh but true.

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Tell us more about the interpreter, she sounds a most interesting and highly educated person.

His been screwed ...dont get invoved stsy well clear support only if you can .Do not give up your job why should you what boldness.He should take responsibility. He should not become a drain on you.

I think you are really going to have to nip this one in the bud Your son knows full well that it is not in our culture or even affordable to do this . I don't know if there is anywhere he could get some advice , as I expect the full enormity of his situation has hit him and he is taking his anger out on you .

I'm afraid...in reply to them telling you what you should be paying for and doing... I would have looked them straight in the eye and said "Well in THIS country, we..(blah, blah, blah)..........as YOU very well know!" (looking straight at my son) "..and if I gave up work, who would keep you at this precise moment?!"...
What a cheek!... made my blood boil just reading it!..

4x90 mls = 360mls. 1 pint = 600 mls. So I think they need to increase the milk not decrease. You don’t say the age of the baby. If the baby is not eating a varied diet it might be better to give one of the special milks for toddlers if it is a toddler.

They and you are both stressed and maybe just because they are telling you what happens in her culture it doesn’t mean they expect you to do it. The positive thing is they both want to work and your son is keen to get a job. He seems to be aware of his responsibilities but can’t meet them at the moment.

It must be a stressful situation to live in which doesn’t help and your DIL is having to adjust to a different culture and must miss her friends and family. Not easy especially with a baby.

How about everyone calms down and tries work out a positive way forward. No don’t give up your job, ( it was only a suggestion) but enjoy the baby and try to be kind to one another.

I am not sure which country insists on grandparents buying houses and everything for a new couple,as you just said Asia? But here in the UK most people could not really afford to do that and it isn’t the expectation! Your son knows this and is being unreasonable!
As for work, you can’t give up your job on a whim and I imagine that you don’t want to! Your DIL is likely to have restrictions on her ability to work as she will be here on a spousal visa but you stated that she was a translator so it may be worth checking on her right to work via an immigration lawyer as I would think she could get a job which would allow her to work from home or part time teaching? Also your son should be able to claim child benefit for the baby and I would urge him to consult with citizens advice about this and to check the benefit rules in general for him and the baby, she will have no recourse to public funds but as your son is a UK citizen his rights are different.

Already such a lot of good advice. There are no shoulds or have tos. What do you want to contribute? Are you in a financial position to contribute and if so how much? A bit? A lot? Don't buy the 'it's their culture' line; it's a form of emotional/financial blackmail. If the 'other grandparents' want to contribute all this bounty then let them!!

Your son and his partner are adults now, it's their life, their child, time to grow up and accept their responsibilities. Maybe a big wake up call and a 'welcome to the real world' moment.

If they are not working, are they claiming any benefits?
No reason why they can't if you are in the UK.
Sorry, but your son needs to get off his bottom and get a job , whatever it is, and act like the man he claims to be, rather than a spoilt little boy.
If things don't change, you may have to ask them to move out, hard as it is.

He needs to grow a pair! Give him 3 months notice to sort themselves out, ie leave. Where's the parents in all of this? Council can lend him a deposit to rent privately. You or the world doesn't owe him a living.

First post I m awaiting too Lily and Kittylester

I think it's time your son stood in his own two feet and if he can't I would send him back to asia and ask the other grandparents to foot the bill!!!!

You say that your son and family are staying “with us” so I assume that means you and your husband, but you haven’t mentioned his opinion on the situation. Is he having any financial input? How does he feel?