Husband with dementia

Ann60 that is great advice coming from one who has been there and bought the T-shirt x

Thanks all you lovely grans. I'm going to think about it over the next week and then give the needs assessment nurse a ring.
He's not violent or angry or paranoid, he just has absolutely no short term memory.

My friend’s husband is similarly not a gregarious person and for the last couple of years she has resisted any sort of day care as “he would hate that sort of thing”
However, last week he asked “Am I going to that place again tomorrow or do I have to sit in my chair all day?”
So sad really , but it proved to her that he likes it and is actually benefiting from the stimulus, so far from feeling guilty for “putting him in” the day Centre, she has found he really enjoys it..

farmgran, lots of love and sympathies to you. I did geriatric nursing, in the days when we had hospital specialising in care for the elderly. Dementia patients are difficult to take care off. I remember one lovely neighbour, who was an absolute delight, until he got dementia. His wife was so caring, but often I would find him miles away from his home, when I was out, and would get him in the car and take him home. His children were horrified when he came to hospital, as they thought mum should care for him. I suggested that each one of them had him for four weeks, before they had an opinion. Believe me, none of them wanted to. It was even hard for my colleagues to accept that normally this violent abusive man, was a gentle soul, who would lean over the wall and give you help and advice about your garden. You are brave and strong, grab some ‘me’ time, if you can.

Thankyou for your lovely kind message BradfordLass72. I tried to reply to it but it would'nt go. Must be something to do with it traveling all the way from NZ!

Speaking as one who has done 24/7 dementia care (my FiL), unless the family are willing to take over a good deal of his care - by which I mean at least a week at a time - I don't think you are being unreasonable at all.

From all I've gathered (my mother also had dementia for many years) it's not uncommon for family who are not doing the bulk of the caring, to object to residential care, because of the drain on their inheritance.

IMO the decision belongs firmly with the person who's doing much or all of it.

YADNBU. Caregiver role strain is a major problem among people who care for someone with chronic illness. With dementia it's often 24/7 care.

This issue is close to my heart as my grandmother has dementia and lives in a facility. Family members were adamant that they could care for her "until end of life". That lasted about a year. Then they recognized that this wasn't feasible. They found her a very nice facility where she is happy, she has things to do, and above all, she's SAFE. Mum and some of her siblings who live nearby visit regularly - Mum goes once a week.

There is a considerable difference between leaving someone in a nursing home to rot and recognizing that their care needs are too heavy to be met at home, while continuing to visit them regularly in the facility. The reality with dementia is that his care needs will increase, they won't get better. If it's getting to be too much for you he probably needs to be assessed for a facility sooner rather than later.

Oh op honestly you must do what’s right for you.

My mum has vascular debenture and dad is becoming worn out. I help as much as I can but equally still have grandparent and kid duties.

When I mum sit I feel the sheer tediousness of it with the same questions and watching the sane TV shows. Dad is as sharp as a button so it’s hell for him.

I and ds will absolutely support him using day care of s home.

Your family should too. Never mind about inheritance as you say this is the autumn of your life and you should be enjoying it. You deserve it.

Sharp as a needle!!!!!