A ‘ Three Generation’ holiday

I've arranged a get together next year for our 50th wedding anniversary.
It's never straight forward is it, families have different ideas of what they like.
Our daughter didn't want to fly so holidays abroad were out.
DIL didn't like the UK location we thought would be lovely for us.
We finally settled on a property for rent which is in an area we don't know, but hope it will be alright.
The property is large enough for us not to be on top of each other and 30 minutes from the beach for the children.
So fingers crossed.
I can only say best of luck.

In some families 3 generation holidays work amazingly well but in others they don't. Just because you are footing the bill does not mean it is not a negotiated holiday. So much depends on the relationships within the family, preferences and expectations of holidays, other plans people may have had if they are working and have limited time off - a million complications. A cruise is my idea of hell on water so not everyone thinks cruises are wonderful.

Talk to your family, take their ideas and preferences onboard (so to speak) and make your plans then. The family holiday may work if it is not a cruise or it may not work at all. It is not a personal rejection, it is a sign that your children have grown up and have their own families, ideas and thoughts. In other words, job well done as a parent.

"... but the eldest DS and his wife say a cruise is totally unsuitable for their 2 DC who will be aged almost 7 and nearly 4. They would prefer a villa, near a beach and swimming pools."

Ok, so you know ODS and ODIL's preference. Are you ok w/ this? Would YDS and YDIL be ok w/ it? If everyone else besides ODS and ODIL is ok w/ the villa, then I suggest you opt for that.

"However the ship has 4 pools, and lots of options for entertainment. "

Are ODS and ODIL aware of this? If not, you might want to tell them and see if they change their minds. Otherwise, they may just be making an excuse, as a PP suggested, and just don't fancy a cruise for whatever reason. They've let you know how they feel. Now you need to work from there, IMO.

If you really detest the idea of the villa, then you may have to tell them, as some have suggested, that you and the others will be going on a cruise and you're sorry they can't make it. Same if you and YDS and family really prefer the cruise idea. Or you might take each DS and family on a separate holiday. But only if you can afford the time and money.

You say you're going to have a family conference about it. Hope it all gets worked out then.

I would tell them that it's ashame they don't want to come on the cruise.. But you'll send them a postcard

lily Exactly. I haven't flown for ten years for this reason and try to walk everywhere or take public transport. With apologies to those who like them, I wouldn't get on a cruise. I've seen them from the shore in the Med, and they block the horizon and do huge damage to places like Venice. To say nothing of thousands of people pouring off them for a quick peek at another culture. And I'd still like to know where they dump 5000 people's produce.

OK so no-one can fly any where either as it destroys the world. Oh and don't use your car because of the emissions.

I personally wouldn't choose a cruise if I had children yeah or just if you like children, or nature, or the places the ship docks....

"Hey kids lets see the world whilst destroying it"
"yeaaaaaaaay"

I personally wouldn't choose a cruise if I had children. Unless you are someone who puts them in the club every day you are constantly on the lookout for them, walking back and forth to the (too small) cabin etc.

We have had lovely multi-generation holidays in large houses/ holiday villas with pools and found it fairly easy.
The harder thing is finding the right villa for you.
I would suggest one with (if not en-suites), at least a private bathroom per family. I'd choose somewhere with a big communal space as well as a decent size dining area and would want a pool. Look for a house with places to visit within say half an hour.
The first time, we went one day ahead of our family and did one massive grocery shop for basics and that was a good idea. We hired a local cook one night, ate in a local "family" restaurant another and the "children" each took responsibility for a meal.
People came and went, played board games in the evenings, laughed a lot and argued like only siblings can.
Everyone was eager to repeat it. WE booked a week afterwards in a smart hotel to recover! Lovely!

We have just sorted out a similar get together for next year.
It's our 50th wedding anniversary, daughter and DIL 40th birthdays and SIL 50th birthday so wanted a big family get together.
Obviously the families have their own ideas on what they think is the perfect holiday taking into account their families.
The answer is compromise.
Based on everyone's likes we have booked a large barn conversion which suits everyone.
Has all the bedrooms and bathroom we require is big enough for people to have their own space and there is a great garden for the children to play in. A plus is we are within 30 minutes from a beach the forest and countryside is within walking distance.

As a cruise fan, as is DS2 and family, my worst nightmare would be to be in a resort for a week, at least you get to a different destination each day on a ship. Also there are smaller options than the 6000 passenger jobs. BUT I accept each to his own. We had a good 3 generation holiday 3 years ago touring New England with an 8 month old and 3 year old. We did stay 2 or 3 nights in each place.

A sister and BiL of mine have twice taken their adult dcs, their spouses and Gdcs on a paid-for holiday, but both times it's been a nice hotel/pool/beach type, which although it's not their own preferred holiday, they knew it was what the family would enjoy best. Very successful both times.

Sorry op cruise would be hell on Earth for me.

We book s very large house every year in the isle of wright and our 4 grown up kids and families are welcome every year. Some come some don’t. Up to them.

We are lucky as we can afford this plus a holiday with just dh and I but that said it’s our gift they are quite welcome to accept or decline. Offers there it’s not a summons.

Either put it out there as the holiday and it’s up to them to accept or decline or get them to liaise between themselves.

Never would I pay centre parcs! Daylight robbery for basically cycling in our local woods and going swimming.

We’ve been away with both our daughters and their families, but only to places we’ve been to on our own before, and I can be sure they will like it. I love seeing the grandchildren in the water, on the beach etc at places I know and love. I think if you don’t go somewhere they all fancy it is a total waste of money. You couldn’t pay me enough to go on a cruise, especially one which catered for kids ( uurrggh, other peoples kids!!), it could be a disaster. And half the enjoyment is the anticipation, if you are going to worry about it, back out!

It's a very kind offer, but it's better for them to decline graciously than to come along on a holiday that turns hellish if they don't want to be there.

Could you not go on the cruise with the ones who want to go on that and then ask your other kids what would suit them and go with that? I know you are going to be paying, but you can’t force folk to do what they don’t want to do or they will just resent you.

I worked with a disabled lady as a pa carer on a cruise and liked it so much. Persuaded OH to go on one with me - he was dead against it but really loved it so much we go every 2 years now. There is everything for children clubs pools nursery etc on the royal Caribbean lines. Have a look online.

DH and I take the same FULL 2 weeks off together maybe once every 2 years at most.

We take bits and pieces that over lap. Or take it separately. I am on leave this week, DH is not. Its not awful we have lots of shorter breaks and little trips. But a big trip is a big deal and it doesnt happen often. We all have to really enjoy it!

At my work there are all kinds of rules about how you can take your annual leave. A BIG trip needs to be booked about 18 months in advance.

P.s. if you are working no holiday is "free" so the old "dont look a gift horse in the mouth" thing doesnt work so well....

It still "costs" you, either in lost business or workload you need to make up or just the opportunity to take leave for something you do find relaxing/reviving.

Taking holiday costs you money before you spend a penny on it in terms of airfare or accomodation especially if you are self employed or on zero hours. There might even be school fines (my kids dont have the same school terms as their cousins, so likely someone would be taking time off school to go)

.. so really its not "ungrateful" to not want to take holiday for something you wont enjoy

I don’t see them as ungrateful at all! We would never go on a cruise with our small children. My husband would hate every moment of it.
How is that a holiday for him?
Our holiday time is so valuable that I would absolutly make sure that it was perfect and exactly what we wanted.
But I’m more than happy to pay our own way so wouldn’t demand any of the OPs money.

I wouldnt go on a cruise, even if it was free. How fun is it to ruin the planet our kids will be left? Not much, no I wouldnt be involved.

Why not start a bit smaller and IF it works maybe build up to a bigger longer trip. E.g. a large cottage in the UK rented for a long weekend

We have had years of very successful 3 generation holidays. Sadly have now had to stop as it is becoming just too expensive/difficult to find self catering accommodation AND a date that we can all do.
We have sometimes used 2 properties on the same complex---usually converted farm buildings, which also works well.
TBH a cruise is the last thing that our children would agree to. The idea of our holidays is to be together as a family, though still with scope to do our own thing (though most days ended up with us all wanting to do the same thing),
Not sure that a huge cruise ship is the place for an extended family to spend time together.

Ranworth Why don't you get your children and their children to do the heavy lifting on this? Ask them to come up with four or five suggestions, timings and places and you get to choose? Don't know where you are but I'd be renting a big place with loads of stuff around to do including (if UK) two sitting rooms and loads of board games. And making sure everyone guarantees to cook meals for the family and wash up.

I know how easy cruises seem and how well they suit people. But I'd be concerned about all the waste that goes on, the sewage pumped into the oceans, and the impact on places in the Med and Caribbean where thousands of people trot off and trot on having seen bugger all. I'd also be concerned about health - if someone gets D&V it's bingo for the rest of the ship.

You and me both Gingergirl I would sooner stay at home and spring clean! !!

Family holidays can be like Christmas, triumph of hope over experience. It's better to agree to have separate days and days together at the venue so that everyone has a break. I would go for the large rental house option with agreement in place over cooking and general chores. Good luck.

Had an early Mother's Day lunch today, due to d.i.ls having own Mums and will want to spend the actual day with them. Anyway, like you Ranworth, I was also planning to treat them to a long weekend in Barcelona, for my big bday. There are 1 divorced daughter, her 2 teenage children, 2 AS, their wives and 2 toddlers each and myself. This is a once in a lifetime thing, so I don't mind. I don't have a lot of money (I am divorced) , but what I have, I can't take with me. So, I am thinking of a 4 bedroom villa.

Speaking as someone who wouldn’t go on a cruise if it was the last holiday option ever, I know where they’re coming from but that isn’t the issue is it. I think you’re on to a loser, expecting to please everyone and by trying to convince some of them, it’ll be bound to turn out a disaster I’d say. If there really is nothing that they would all like to do, I’d drop the idea personally. It is a lovely idea to have all the family together but it may not be possible.