Gingergirl, as a new grandparent myself, I'm trying my best to work through this type of situation and feelings. I've always been very close to my son, and have a great relationship with my DiL. My husband and I have always got on well with her parents. When baby came along (1st GC for all of us), I naturally expected DiL to turn to her own mum for advice/reassurance/help/etc. I wouldn't have expected anything different, as when I had my own children, I did the same. I certainly have no interest in encroaching on their mother/daughter relationship. All I want is to be a good grandparent to my GC. However, my DiL's mum is also quite dominating/bossy/manipulative (it's not just me who thinks this - many others say the same!), and she likes to 'take over' in certain situations. I won't go into details, but there have been a couple of occasions when she has deeply upset me, to the point that I had no option but to speak to her frankly about what had happened, otherwise it would've eaten away at me forever. She manipulated the situation to suit herself, and refused to see my point, but at least I got it off my chest. However, with hindsight, I wish I hadn't said anything because, although it's no longer eating away at me, and we have got one or two things out into the open, and cleared the air, there is a bit of an atmosphere between us now that was never there before, which is quite sad and regrettable. I know that my son and DiL will always make sure that we are a part of our GC's life. And I know, for whatever reason, it's always been the case that paternal grandparents tend to be further down the pecking order, so to speak (goodness knows why that ever came about though ... both sets of my grandparents were totally equal!). At the end of the day, our precious grandchildren are just as special and important to us as they are to maternal grandparents. I honestly have no idea why some people see it any differently, or why maternal grandparents sometimes think they are more important - to their daughter, yes, of course ... but surely not to the grandchild...? Anyway, after the experiences I've been through, I've come to the conclusion that, from now on, I'm going to keep tight-lipped, be a happy grandparent, and enjoy the special times that I get to spend with my grandchild. I think you would do well to do the same. It's not easy, but try not to dwell on what your DiL's mum is doing, and instead focus on YOUR relationship with your grandchildren, and make it the happy, fun, loving and enjoyable time it should be ... for us all!
Last weekend, in Rutland, the first statue in Britain of the late Elizabeth II was unveiled.
