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AIBU

Dirty trick?

(89 Posts)
Framilode Mon 01-Apr-19 15:57:26

We are just at the start of the process of buying a holiday home in Spain. A very good friend is also buying one on the same small complex and is due to complete on Wednesday.

Out of courtesy, and because I thought she would be pleased, I told her that we are also buying. She has either been told or found out the particular house we want and now wants to have ours instead of the original one she is buying. This could be done by her solicitor before she goes to the notary on Wednesday. The house we are buying was not available when she set off on this path. It had been sold to someone else who later pulled out.

We only want this one house and will pull out altogether if she takes it off us.

I think it is a rotten trick and a sort of gazumping. We have always been there for her and helped her a lot both practically and emotionally over the years.

AIBU to think she is behaving badly? I am due to go and stay with her next month but will cancel the trip and also our friendship if she does this.

What do others think?

lovebeigecardigans1955 Tue 02-Apr-19 10:48:25

Your friend says that it is 'just a holiday home' but it isn't, is it? It has become a symbol of your friendship, which she has thrown away.
It sounds a bit like a child wanting to play with a particular toy just because another child has it.
A proper friend doesn't behave like that.
I hate confrontation but I think you need to distance yourself from her for many of the reasons given here.

Larsonsmum Tue 02-Apr-19 10:43:50

I used to have 'friends' like that. Note that I say 'used to'.

She is most definitely not a 'very good friend' as you began by describing her as.

I cannot imagine why on earth you'd want to spend time with this woman - pull out and buy elsewhere well away from anywhere you might have the misfortune to encounter her.

Dianic Tue 02-Apr-19 10:42:56

Don't buy that house any more. Your "friend" is pure poison. It's hard enough making friends and living amicably in Spain without being near someone like her... If there's a community there and she's around more than you, you might find all sorts of lies and untruths have been spread about you - worst case scenario.Look at it as a silver lining... she may have saved you a lot of money and considerable heartache.

knspol Tue 02-Apr-19 10:32:21

Whatever happens re the house it seems to me that she's not a true friend and I would have nothing more to do with her. I hope you get the house you want, enjoy it and forget the unpleasantness.

Oldwoman70 Tue 02-Apr-19 08:42:19

If she knew you were buying this property then she is certainly not a good friend.

A friend and I are both planning to downsize, I went with her to view a property she is interested in - I fell in love with it! However, she also loves it and has put in an offer - there is no way I would now try to buy it, our friendship means more to me.

Willow10 Tue 02-Apr-19 08:20:09

Sounds like both the property and the friendship is doomed, for you at least. You must be very upset and disappointed. She has shown her true colours as a 'friend'. Even if you got it, would you be happy there now, with her so close? Take things into your own hands and find a different place well away from her. And make sure you let her know why. Good luck.

DanniRae Tue 02-Apr-19 08:16:25

If you are in the process of buying the house how can she swoop in and get it? I don't understand? confused

M0nica Tue 02-Apr-19 08:10:10

If you lived on the same complex would you trust what she might be saying about you and was doing behind your back?

She would probably do everything to make your experience of living there as unpleasant as possible - while all the time being as nice as pie to your face.

BlueBelle Tue 02-Apr-19 08:06:55

Personally I d buy a house in a totally different area (as far away as possible) From your second post it sounds as if you both wanted the same house without realising the other did
Do you really want to live on the same complex as this lady even if you get the house you want I would think any friendship from either side is now out the window and would make it very strained and difficult if you were to meet up at social dos or even nearby shops
I think I d start all over again and not include her in any new plans

Anja Tue 02-Apr-19 07:37:08

Suggest you contact the seller of this house and explain the situation and that she has reneged on another house at the last minute. They might be genuine enough to stick with you.

Whatever happens this friendship is dead. Just goes to show you can’t trust people.

Bagatelle Mon 01-Apr-19 23:30:01

OK, if that's how it is then I'd certainly cancel the purchase and convey my thoughts to the 'friend'.

Find another holiday home where you won't keep bumping into her.

SpringyChicken Mon 01-Apr-19 23:28:47

A 'very good friend' wouldn't behave like that.

B9exchange Mon 01-Apr-19 23:11:48

I certainly wouldn't want some one so completely selfish as a friend, and I wouldn't want her living on the same complex either. If you fall out over this, which obviously you are going to then would you really want to keep bumping into her?

Tangerine Mon 01-Apr-19 23:06:20

Sorry, I've just read a further post from you which explains she did know!

She's not a good friend.

Tangerine Mon 01-Apr-19 23:04:25

On the face of it, it sounds a rotten thing to do to you.

Did she definitely know that you were going for that particular house?

In your position, I think I'd find out if she knew in advance that you were buying that specific house.

Chewbacca Mon 01-Apr-19 19:57:33

Whether you end up getting the property you've set your heart on or not, the friendship is over I think. I can't see you ever being able to trust her, on anything, ever again.

M0nica Mon 01-Apr-19 19:44:06

Ah, she is beginning to realise just how nasty her action will appear, when viewed by other people

she hopes it doesn't spoil our friendship but she has to do what is right for her. Or in other words she is saying: 'I am a selfish b--- and providing I get what I want I do not give a toss for our so-called friendship.'

At least you now know what your friendship means to her - nothing.

Framilode Mon 01-Apr-19 18:52:04

Bagatelle When she first chose the house she was buying the one we want was not available as someone else was buying it. \It then came back on the market and we reserved it not knowing that she had originally liked it better. It is in a better position and because of this is more expensive.

The loose lipped estate agent, knowing we were friends, has obviously told her and she has thrown a wobbly.

I have had a text from her giving all sorts of reasons and saying we should buy another one as it is only a holiday home. She finishes off by saying she hopes it doesn't spoil our friendship but she has to do what is right for her.

I am waiting until I have spoken to the agent tomorrow and found out what is going to happen before I reply but am not optimistic.

Bagatelle Mon 01-Apr-19 18:30:02

"She has either been told or found out the particular house we want" - so you didn't actually tell her which one it was? Is it possible that she suddenly realised that it was available (you are just at the start of buying) and was going for it anyway?

I agree with notanan2. Make sure that it isn't all a mistake. If it isn't, do you really want to be anywhere near her when you are on holiday?

Auntieflo Mon 01-Apr-19 18:18:33

That is so bad. Is she jealous of you?
As suggested, you should speak to her as soon as possible.
By the way, if you have started on the purchase route, how is she able to step in and snatch it from under your nose?
Definitely not a friend to you.
Good luck, and I hope you do get the house you so want.

ginny Mon 01-Apr-19 18:13:16

Contact her now and let her know how upset you are. If she still changes to your chosen house then I’m afraid the friendship would be over for me.
Yes, a dirty trick.

sodapop Mon 01-Apr-19 18:01:01

Definitely beyond the pale Framilode but I am curious as to why she is doing this.
Time for an honest conversation now I think even if it means the end of the friendship. I agree with Charleygirl do you want to be living /holidaying in close proximity to this person.

GrannyOrNanny Mon 01-Apr-19 17:58:41

I’d have to ask more questions of her and let her know I’m not happy. Certainly give her a chance to talk before dumping her if that’s her plan. Let us know what she says.

Charleygirl5 Mon 01-Apr-19 17:53:51

That is the lowest of the low- how could she even contemplate doing that?

Even if you end up buying that house and you are both living close together I would never ever trust her again and I would not want to be living within a million miles of her.

EllanVannin Mon 01-Apr-19 17:43:28

Friend ? I think not.