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AIBU

Dirty trick?

(88 Posts)
Framilode Mon 01-Apr-19 15:57:26

We are just at the start of the process of buying a holiday home in Spain. A very good friend is also buying one on the same small complex and is due to complete on Wednesday.

Out of courtesy, and because I thought she would be pleased, I told her that we are also buying. She has either been told or found out the particular house we want and now wants to have ours instead of the original one she is buying. This could be done by her solicitor before she goes to the notary on Wednesday. The house we are buying was not available when she set off on this path. It had been sold to someone else who later pulled out.

We only want this one house and will pull out altogether if she takes it off us.

I think it is a rotten trick and a sort of gazumping. We have always been there for her and helped her a lot both practically and emotionally over the years.

AIBU to think she is behaving badly? I am due to go and stay with her next month but will cancel the trip and also our friendship if she does this.

What do others think?

crazyH Mon 01-Apr-19 16:03:47

That's not nice 😡....dump her

kittylester Mon 01-Apr-19 16:17:53

That stinks.

Nonnie Mon 01-Apr-19 16:31:42

Ask her why

Kittye Mon 01-Apr-19 16:32:41

A good friend?? I think not !😡

leyla Mon 01-Apr-19 16:38:00

You need to spell it out to her that if she does that, the friendship is over...I would be tempted to say that she has already seriously upset you.

KatyK Mon 01-Apr-19 16:44:50

How spiteful and selfish.

M0nica Mon 01-Apr-19 16:47:54

That is not my definition of friendship. Find another place to buy a holiday home and Do not tell her until she has completed her purchase, even if she is back to buying the house she originally wanted.

BradfordLass72 Mon 01-Apr-19 16:52:25

I'd cancel the deal and the friendship - when someone goes behind your back to take away your dream, how can you ever trust them again.

Nico97 Mon 01-Apr-19 16:52:59

Before the matter goes any further just lay your cards on the table and tell her that if she pursues then any friendship between you is well and truly over. A good friend wouldn't ever let this situation arise, so you're well within your rights to tell her (very nicely) to back off !

Ginny42 Mon 01-Apr-19 17:16:22

Yes, it's a very dirty trick and would you want a place on the same small complex as someone who would do that anyway? She might be thinking you'll buy another one there. I'd say the friendship is doomed.

Framilode Mon 01-Apr-19 17:34:45

Thanks everyone for the replies so far and I'm glad to know you don't think I am being unreasonable to be upset by this. I should know tomorrow what is going to happen and will keep you up to date.

The thought of going to stay with her in May at what should have been our house is unbearable.

notanan2 Mon 01-Apr-19 17:42:23

Why wait until tomorrow?

I would contact her today, as her whether she is going to chose your house or your friendship so you know where you stand.

Some people are just not very bright rather than overtly nasty. Social norms dont come naturally to everyone. Spell it out to her now before it is too late. If she then choses the house anyway there will be no doubting her motives later, she wont be able to crawl back claiming missunderstandings.

Or she might just not get it. And chose you.
.SPEAK to her. Today.

EllanVannin Mon 01-Apr-19 17:43:28

Friend ? I think not.

Charleygirl5 Mon 01-Apr-19 17:53:51

That is the lowest of the low- how could she even contemplate doing that?

Even if you end up buying that house and you are both living close together I would never ever trust her again and I would not want to be living within a million miles of her.

GrannyOrNanny Mon 01-Apr-19 17:58:41

I’d have to ask more questions of her and let her know I’m not happy. Certainly give her a chance to talk before dumping her if that’s her plan. Let us know what she says.

sodapop Mon 01-Apr-19 18:01:01

Definitely beyond the pale Framilode but I am curious as to why she is doing this.
Time for an honest conversation now I think even if it means the end of the friendship. I agree with Charleygirl do you want to be living /holidaying in close proximity to this person.

ginny Mon 01-Apr-19 18:13:16

Contact her now and let her know how upset you are. If she still changes to your chosen house then I’m afraid the friendship would be over for me.
Yes, a dirty trick.

Auntieflo Mon 01-Apr-19 18:18:33

That is so bad. Is she jealous of you?
As suggested, you should speak to her as soon as possible.
By the way, if you have started on the purchase route, how is she able to step in and snatch it from under your nose?
Definitely not a friend to you.
Good luck, and I hope you do get the house you so want.

Bagatelle Mon 01-Apr-19 18:30:02

"She has either been told or found out the particular house we want" - so you didn't actually tell her which one it was? Is it possible that she suddenly realised that it was available (you are just at the start of buying) and was going for it anyway?

I agree with notanan2. Make sure that it isn't all a mistake. If it isn't, do you really want to be anywhere near her when you are on holiday?

Framilode Mon 01-Apr-19 18:52:04

Bagatelle When she first chose the house she was buying the one we want was not available as someone else was buying it. \It then came back on the market and we reserved it not knowing that she had originally liked it better. It is in a better position and because of this is more expensive.

The loose lipped estate agent, knowing we were friends, has obviously told her and she has thrown a wobbly.

I have had a text from her giving all sorts of reasons and saying we should buy another one as it is only a holiday home. She finishes off by saying she hopes it doesn't spoil our friendship but she has to do what is right for her.

I am waiting until I have spoken to the agent tomorrow and found out what is going to happen before I reply but am not optimistic.

M0nica Mon 01-Apr-19 19:44:06

Ah, she is beginning to realise just how nasty her action will appear, when viewed by other people

she hopes it doesn't spoil our friendship but she has to do what is right for her. Or in other words she is saying: 'I am a selfish b--- and providing I get what I want I do not give a toss for our so-called friendship.'

At least you now know what your friendship means to her - nothing.

Chewbacca Mon 01-Apr-19 19:57:33

Whether you end up getting the property you've set your heart on or not, the friendship is over I think. I can't see you ever being able to trust her, on anything, ever again.

Tangerine Mon 01-Apr-19 23:04:25

On the face of it, it sounds a rotten thing to do to you.

Did she definitely know that you were going for that particular house?

In your position, I think I'd find out if she knew in advance that you were buying that specific house.

Tangerine Mon 01-Apr-19 23:06:20

Sorry, I've just read a further post from you which explains she did know!

She's not a good friend.