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AIBU

Dirty trick?

(89 Posts)
Framilode Mon 01-Apr-19 15:57:26

We are just at the start of the process of buying a holiday home in Spain. A very good friend is also buying one on the same small complex and is due to complete on Wednesday.

Out of courtesy, and because I thought she would be pleased, I told her that we are also buying. She has either been told or found out the particular house we want and now wants to have ours instead of the original one she is buying. This could be done by her solicitor before she goes to the notary on Wednesday. The house we are buying was not available when she set off on this path. It had been sold to someone else who later pulled out.

We only want this one house and will pull out altogether if she takes it off us.

I think it is a rotten trick and a sort of gazumping. We have always been there for her and helped her a lot both practically and emotionally over the years.

AIBU to think she is behaving badly? I am due to go and stay with her next month but will cancel the trip and also our friendship if she does this.

What do others think?

Lazigirl Fri 05-Apr-19 18:22:52

Is your friend buying the house to live in permanently or similar to you as a holiday home Framilode? I personally wouldn't do that to a friend (or acquaintance), but can understand her motivation somewhat if it is to be her permanent home. Hope it works out and you find somewhere you like even better.

Leavesden Fri 05-Apr-19 16:00:18

Perhaps she wants to buy your house because she doesn’t want you on the same complex, she isn’t really a friend.

gt66 Tue 02-Apr-19 22:41:18

You should also let the estate agent know what's happened and that you don't appreciate them letting her know your intentions and that it's cost them a sale!

sharon103 Tue 02-Apr-19 22:37:18

You've made the right decision to pull out. She's no friend at all. A true friend would have been pleased for you. Good luck.

trendygran Tue 02-Apr-19 21:47:01

What sort of friend would do that.? Such a shame to ruin a friendship if she goes ahead with this,but even talking of doing it is bad. She must have a very selfish streak ,which maybe you haven’t seen in her before this. I would be cross and upset if a so called friend did this to me.

lovebeigecardigans1955 Tue 02-Apr-19 18:31:45

I think you're making the right decision.

Aepgirl Tue 02-Apr-19 17:03:55

She sounds spoilt and jealous - not the sort of person I would call a friend.

Sulis Tue 02-Apr-19 16:49:30

Sorry, she is NOT a very good friend. Get rid of her.

queenofsaanich69 Tue 02-Apr-19 16:46:13

I'd send her a copy of all the above letters,then she can see what people think of her,definitely not friend material,also I don't see how it would work if she does live near you,really hope everything works out for you,good luck.

FNH1 Tue 02-Apr-19 16:33:24

I see from above you have pulled out. I think for what it's worth you made the right decision or you would be coming face to face with her all the time. Find somewhere nicer and let's hope she's on land that the Spanish Government want to bulldoze at some time in the future

FNH1 Tue 02-Apr-19 16:31:45

Well you could just dump here which I personally think she deserves or you could have a chat with her about why she wants the house you are buying. She will, of course, lie as she is prepared to practically steal something you want so I'm not sure if a chat will do any good. What would serve you better is if you get onto your solicitor or the buyer and ask for some sort of reserve on the property even if it means a deposit. Then of course you have to remember you will be living on the same estate as her? Good lck with it all

M0nica Tue 02-Apr-19 16:26:42

Framilode, you have made the best decision, despite the disappointment.

You come out of this sad affair with your head held high and your dignity intact. Your 'friend' on the other hand............

Framilode Tue 02-Apr-19 16:20:38

Just to let you know ladies we have decided not to proceed on that particular complex and will look elsewhere.

To clarify a few things:-

We know the area well having lived there for 15 years and it was me, in fact, that told her about these houses. They are bank repossessions and handled differently from other property sales in Spain.

She got her act together very quickly and after 3 weeks is almost at the point of completion on her original purchase. She had never viewed the house we were buying, just liked the position better, as it was not available when she started the process.

She professed herself delighted when we told her we were also buying there. It was only when she found out which house it was that things changed and she did the dirty on us.

She is now going ahead with the purchase of the house we wanted and I am not prepared to get into a contract race that she will inevitably win as she is on the doorstep.

We will put it down to experience. In a couple of days I will let her know exactly what I think of her and then forget it and her.

Gransnet is always a mine of good advice.

sarahellenwhitney Tue 02-Apr-19 15:52:56

Any chance of a quick dash to' beat her to the post' ?Then decide, on the out come, whether you still want this person as a friend.?

Annaram1 Tue 02-Apr-19 15:39:12

Its the way the so called friend did it that is so wrong.
She is due to complete on Wednesday. at the last moment she told Framilode, who has apparently always been there for her. She must have known it would upset her. What a fool to lose a good friend this way.
I think she has left it too late, and it will be interesting to see if she can get out of it now. If Framilode had not told her and she had found out later, I wonder what her response would have been?
Either way. this friendship is doomed. Luckily there are a lot of other properties in Spain and I don't know how many F actually looked at. You should always look at many properties before spending a lot of money on one.

MegrannyW1 Tue 02-Apr-19 14:47:49

That's not friendship at all. dump her

janeainsworth Tue 02-Apr-19 14:36:20

I agree with the possibility of your alternative scenario notanan.

And while we have heard only one side of the story, some posters are being very quick to judge the friend in the harshest ways.

notanan2 Tue 02-Apr-19 14:28:21

In general though. If I had the means I WOULD be looking to invest within the eurozone right about now. To hedge my bets.

Craicon Tue 02-Apr-19 14:27:10

Actually, OP, I think you are the cheeky person in this instance.

You said in your update that she started the buying process first and you later decided you wanted to buy a holiday home in the same area.

When she first chose the house she was buying the one we wanted was not available as someone else was buying it. It then came back on the market and we reserved it *not knowing that she had originally liked it better.*

So she had seen it first and when it came back on the market she decided to go for it.

Also, from your OP, it sounds like it’s going to be her permanent home and just a holiday home to you.

You are definitely the cheeky one in this instance and if I was your friend, I’d be questioning the friendship too.

notanan2 Tue 02-Apr-19 14:26:57

I think so. However the rest of it played out I do think it is at the very least a bit odd to not tell a friend that you are buying in the same complex as them.

That may have "set the tone" for the friends latter actions.

I guess the friendship isnt very important to either party. In which case, becoming neighbours isnt exactly ideal.

Telly Tue 02-Apr-19 14:24:30

I would be inclined to wait and see if she buys then just text her saying you were going to pull out anyway because of the dramatic price drops that are forecast because of Brexit!
It does sound as though the friendship is over, whatever she does or doesn't do.

luluaugust Tue 02-Apr-19 14:00:47

Yep notanan2 it works both ways doesn't it. I wouldn't buy in Spain because of naughty B........ at present anyway, wait and see what happens.

notanan2 Tue 02-Apr-19 13:42:24

I can imagine the reverse thread:

We have been looking to buy in spain and found the perfect house. Unfortunately we were beaten to it by another buyer so found another (not perfect but cheaper) house in the same complex. We were so excited and shared our excitment with friends (oops, naiive!) Who oohed and ahhed about the complex and said they were looking forward to visiting us there.

Little did we know (because they kept it a secret from us? Which is odd right?) They decided to buy in the same complex, and when OUR dream house came back in the market, they snapped it up. We only know this because the EA let it slip.

Would we be unreasonable to see if they are still taking offers on our dream house and counter offer? Since our friends obviously arent as good friends as we thought because while we were sharing our excitment about the complex they were secretly looking there too? Friends would tell each other right?

janeainsworth Tue 02-Apr-19 13:35:18

She finishes off by saying she hopes it doesn't spoil our friendship but she has to do what is right for her

Ah yes. That modern thing of people doing what is right for themselves, regardless of the consequences for anyone else.
Personally Framilode I wouldn’t even think about buying a property in Europe just now. I’m not prepared to take huge risks with my money.
You may well find that my DM’s philosophy of ‘everything happens for the best’ might apply in this situation.

loopyloo Tue 02-Apr-19 13:28:46

If you really want this house, go for it. Why should she control where you live? It all depends how much you want that particular place. I would fight to buy it just to annoy her.