To think DD's oncologist was insensitive?

to you all. X

So sorry to hear your story, Merlot.

It's hard to believe that people who work in this very difficult field can be so uncaring. I don't think your experience was unusual, either. I have a friend going through this at the moment, 18months on an assortment of chemo punctuated by a big operation on her liver. She tells me her oncologist was offhand and disorganised the last time she saw her. My friend is so upset.

As there is a shortage of professionals in this field, it seems they unlikely to be censured or pushed back to laboratory work.

for you and your DD, and hope that she receives better care in future.

Totally unacceptable merlot I would certainly write and complain to the Oncology Dept.
Sending heartfelt thoughts to you and you DD .

Don’t underestimate the power senior nurses have. I took one very curt Constltant to task and she apologised to the patient.

It’s not acceptable. She isn’t acting professionally or well and a senior nurse should step in and tell her so.

This is awful merlot . How insensitive. My DH has cancer, thankfully in remission, and has only been treated with kindness. I have a friend whose DD was diagnosed. The oncologist gave them the diagnosis as 'its cancer, you've got three months' .

I too am brought to tears by so thoughtless and heartless an attitude to your daughter. My own petty health concerns are firmly put in perspective by your family's experience.
Thinking of you all and wishing your daughter better support from other HCPs she may have to face.
Consultants surely aren't trained and paid to make clients feel put down by harsh negativity.

I do feel for you merlot, a little kindness goes a long way. I only saw my Oncologist once and she was brusque, very matter of fact. Follow up appointments were with an Oncology nurse practitioner who was very caring.
I told my consultant that his delivery of diagnosis was 'pretty brutal' but he said that I needed all the facts so that I knew what I was dealing with.
I hope that your DD gets the care and compassion she deserves from other staff members.

The fundamental law of medicine is "do no harm". This must include doing no emotional or mental harm, and this oncologist's manner was not just inexcusable, but against this basic rule. The elevated status of consultant does not confer exemption.

That's very true grumpaa.

Sorry - grumppa

Thanks again, everyone. I've learned a lot from reading your comments. I'm pinning my hopes on next Tuesday's meeting being a lot more positive as we'll be meeting the support team and the oncology nurse.

It must be their intention to keep things brusque and business like with the initial consultation. The room was large and chairs placed about twelve feet from each other which meant that when DD was distressed I couldn't hold her hand or hug her without getting up and crossing the room. The oncologist typed her report throughout therefore leaving large gaps in conversation while she tapped away. She had her back to me the whole time and when she got up to talk she stood at the far end of the room. We felt very exposed.

We have to put this behind us though in readiness for next week's meeting or DD will be wound up before we get there.

Another visit from DD2 will cheer her up no doubt.

merlot.
The oncologist does sound very brusque and tactless.
I know the facts have to be given, but there are ways and means of doing this.
It really does seem, from what you describe, that they do need to evaluate how they approach patients and how they set the room out! That particular consultant requires further 'people skills' training!

This is beyond sad for your daughter you and all your family and I am terribly sorry that you are all in this dreadful situation.

Some years ago someone very close to me was in the same situation and the consultant refused to give either him or me any information. He didn't believe in telling patients that their cancer had progressed or was now incurable. I would never like to go back to those days where it was considered that doctor knows best. However, the way your consultant spoke to your daughter was appalling. It was a total lack of humanity and empathy. That consultant should not be in that branch of medicine with that attitude.

I agree with Mapleleaf the room needs to be rearranged- it sounds a bizarre situation with the doctor dishing out horrendous news in such a brutal fashion and then typing seconds later without giving a thought to the patient. A modicum of kindness would not go amiss there.

Clever as these people are there's still no excuse for their appalling bedside manners and I've come across a few in my past nursing experiences, particularly one arrogant individual who told my late husband point blank he was going to die, to which I answered the registrar by saying " we all are at some point ", then promptly marched out of the consulting room, husband in tow.

I sincerely hope your DD doesn't meet with this kind of conversation again and I'm sure you and the family will do your level best to regain the positivity that should surround her. x

Just adding my thoughts and agreement with all who have spoken about such an uncaring ‘professional’ that have gone before.
(I tried to post yesterday, but it kept disappearing).
Merlotgran, love and prayers for you, your DD and all the family

Merlotgran,

What a wretched experience for your daughter and you. I'm so sorry.

It is a huge example of how to make a dreadfully sad situation worse and is inexcusable. Your focus for now will be on continuing to support your daughter but perhaps one day you'll feel able to report the consultant's behaviour and take some comfort from the hope that others might be spared that shocking experience.

Merlotgran so sorry you have been unnecessarily upset by such a direct and quite cruel experience. I do agree some consultants have a poor bedside manner, especially in these circumstances. I hope you both get more support and help at the next appointment and i wish your daughter well.

It’s so hard, I do understand. My daughter despite operations and a long cycle of chemo still has ongoing health issues. It’s a fear which never leaves you. My sympathies to you all.

I am so sorry Merlot and feel shocked at your DD’s terrible treatment from the oncologist, though it doesn’t surprise me. My DD has had some terrible experiences at the hands of a couple of doctors and two nurses during the last year while spending months in hospital.

I wish I could send you lots of strength. I hope your DD receives only kindness in the future.

merlot I'm so sorry your dd had this dreadful experience, I hope that her support team will be able to give her some comfort.

Merlotgran, I'm so very sorry for you and for your daughter in this situation. I can't begin to imagine what you must be going through. I would however urge you to speak to someone about your daughter's consultation with the oncologist: I always feel when someone has had a raw deal from the NHS, its helpful to give feedback and to hand that pain back to them so that you can get on with the important business of helping your daughter live the rest of her life in the best way possible. The easiest and most effective way to give feedback is via the Patient Advice and Liaison Service (PALS) department at the hospital. You can do it over the phone and you'll feel so much better for handing it over.

So sorry merlot to hear what you are all going through - and the terrible upset caused by an insensitive doctor.

I'm not sure it's right to give false hope, but there are much kinder ways of giving factual information. And, however busy a doctor may be, showing genuine care and concern is, I think, of paramount importance in such a situation. I think the way this doctor behaved is appalling.

In my view, this kind of treatment amounts to total disrespect of the patient. Quite disgraceful, and the consultant should be called out on his/her behaviour.

Very best wishes to you and your daughter in this awful situation, Merlotgran. Kindness costs nothing but some doctors don't seem to have got the message!

You had every reason the feel angry - any positive or encouraging feedback was completely smashed by this very insensitive consultant. I know they have to give you facts but there is ways this can be done and this certainly wasn’t one of them. Shame on this consultant in making you all feel they way you did. I am so sorry for you and your daughter and hope she gets through these tough times