To think DD's oncologist was insensitive?

When Martyn has his bladder cancer, we nicknamed one Dr, Dr Death. His beside manner wasn’t the best.
He said a few things that weee abit iffy but we managed to brush it aside.
Having said that your consultant needs to go and stack shelves somewhere as she has lost all compassion for the people she treats

Merlot, dealing with patients and families in a humane way s part of the job. If the oncologist can't be kind and empathetic, that's on them, not on you for being oversensitive.

I'm sorry you're having such a terrible time, and sorry that someone who's meant to help has made it more difficult.

That's very strange about the layout of the room merlot. I can only imagine they try to keep this initial appointment quite impersonal and business-like, as much to protect themselves emotionally as much as anything. It must be a hard job to give bad news out to patients day after day. Let's hope that her next appointment with actual treatment will be different. A bit of kindness and compassion should have been factored in.

Speak to your GP about who to complain to. This person can't go on doing this.

I had an awful doc two years back when I broke my wrist. He actually grabbed it and started bending it forwards! No word of apology or explanation. But this was relatively minor, not cancer.

Don't let him get away with it.

No excuse for any medic who has had it clearly and regularly explained the importance of putting all patients at ease.

Some consultants do become very full of their own importance and I have had to have a chat, as a ward sister re being too blunt and unsympathetic in explanations to patients

Re being a medic, no matter what your day has been you stay professional and do your job even more so when relaying negative news. Such a consultation as Merlot has described, to my mind, adds salt to the wound.

I’m so sorry to hear what your DD is going through at the moment Merlot my thoughts and warmest wishes are with you both.

llizzie2 I don't know really why you felt this was helpful on this thread.

The NHS didn't start until 1948, not during WW2. There was no use of hospitals during WW2 to observe the "psyche" of the people - no one had time to fill in report forms and it's not measurable. The only report forms they would have done would be the usual death/cause form every civilised country employs. Our doctors didn't cross the pond in the Fifties particularly.

OP So sorry for your daughter. Perhaps you could draft something for her to send to PALS so she feels she is doing something to help the next person along? In the meantime do go to MacMillan or any of the other cancer charities for help and support for her - they can speak to her in a way which is at least helpful and optimistic and help her do the things she wants and needs to do.

This is why no other country in the world would have an NHS like ours. It is the cheapest way the government can keep tabs on the whole population. It started during the war when the then government wanted to know the 'psyche of the people'. Doctors had to fill in report forms on everybody. When the war ended it was made permanent, which is why our doctors emigrated across the pond. It also ensured that the labour party won the election. Every election since they have said ''lay off our free NHS''. They know that it cannot be free now. Hospitals are few and far apart. It costs a lot to travel and park the car if you have one. The control is so oppressive it is doing nothing for our 'psyche'.

It should never have been completely free in the first place. A small contribution would have ensured our privacy. Until almost into the 1980's we were not even allowed to know what we had or what medicines were prescribed. Prescriptions were in code in awful writing. Now if political parties want to win elections they promise to keep the service free, but we all know surely that it will never be free. It may be AVAILABLE at the time of need but it will never be free.

The treatment of the elderly is so bad now. They blame us for taking up beds whenever they get the chance.

How awful for you and your daughter. I cannot imagine what you are going through and hope I never will. Please try to put this awful experience at the back of your mind (very difficult) and concentrate on time spent with your daughter. Blessings to you both xx

Merlotgran - you need to contact your nearest Maggie's Centre, or Macmillan team as soon as possible. They are not just about helping people with Cancer but they help all people affected by cancer. They may not be able to do anything at all for your daughter's treatment plan, but they will help YOU get your head round what is going on, how you can help her and her family, and also help her with any and all issues around her life with cancer. pick up the phone now . . .

Merlot - words fail me. Insensitive beyond belief.

Tho Who

I think the words cruel, despicable and heartless to describe the manner of the oncologist are a bit OTT.
Who knows what news she has had to give out all day.
Tho knows whether she had had time for lunch (if it was an afternoon appt)
Who knows what hours she'd worked during that week.
I'm perfectly sure that we, in our working lives, sometimes fell short of sympathy, empathy, expertise, kindness etc.
We often get pushed to our limits and beyond, suffer stress and anxiety and low moods but expect others not to fall short.
Why?
Cut the medic some slack instead of reporting her and writing to the hospital to complain.
That's exactly why they are leaving the NHS in droves. Pressure to be 100% day in day out.
You aren't and nor are they.

So sorry to hear about your poorly daughter and how she was treated by the oncologist I hope the team you see in the future have more compassion my heart goes out to you and your Dd, take care of hyourself ??

How absolutely awful for you all. Nothing I can say to help. But I did work in a hospital for years and most Consultants I came into contact with were caring, sympathetic human beings. I am sorry you have had such a dreadful experience. I wish you the best in an impossibly sad situation.

So sorry Merlot my thoughts are with you and your family in this terrible time.??

Merlot my thoughts are with you all, absolutely everything all wrong with what happened, in fact plain cruel.

Dear Merlot this is a despicable experience for you and your daughter. I can’t imagine you’ve got much spare energy in your tank but if you have I would suggest you write to the Chief Exec of the NHS trust and tell that person what you’ve told us. This will not help you or your daughter but it may help other patients in the future. Your daughter could also make contact with her oncology nurse and perhaps she may get some help from them. ?

Blunt & Heartless. How would he like his DD to be treated like that.

I too am sorry to read of your daughter's illness and her recent oncology appointment which fell short of reasonable expectations. I do think that it was more a case of it being really busy, as you explained, coupled with the stress of trying to remain positive when giving a prognisis.
I'm sure staff are mindful not to give false hope and seeing someone in an outpatient capacity gives less chance to spend time on explanations, than if she were on a ward where there are no queues.
Hopefully, you and your family can help your daughter gain back her positivity.
Very best wishes to you both and ? for a positive outcome.

This is quite awful and I'm so sad for you and yours. I remember many years ago seeing a film where a very eminent specialist surgeon became a patient. His discovery of the lack of bedside manners and sensitivity at all levels of his profession so shocked him to the core that he became a tutor in this discipline. Seems this 'discovery' has remained unchanged. Happily they're not all like the oncologist you describe but my own friend has had similar experiences. Yep, so sad. My heart goes out to you and yours.

That was all totally uncalled for and I cannot imagine how your daughter feels. I suggest you contact MacMillon nurses. I have been told they are wonderful. I would also put in a complaint about how your daughter was treated. Sending love and peace to her xxx

Whilst the oncologist is not responsible for emotion a decent human being would have been more supportive and show compassion. I think their manners were seriously lacking at a time when you search for any glimmer of hope. If they are having a bad day they should leave it at the door when they see a patient. I do hope you can turn around your daughters deep depression, and that you do get some comfort and hope.

A dreadful experience and sadly, not that uncommon. Of course, she will want the treatment they are offering her. As well, I’d encourage her (and anyone else close to her) to seek some additional support. She may find this from a complementary therapist...in any modality (that ‘speaks’ to her). They will have a different outlook and attitude. There is always hope.

There is no excuse for such insensitivity. If you have the energy I think you should write to complain about the appalling use of words that were used, and the devastating effect it has had on all of you. Just maybe it will stop this behaviour from hurting someone else as it has you. I'm so sorry for the sad situation you are all in and wish you a happier outcome than is anticipated at the moment.