Friends after retirement and move?

We moved to London from Scotland just over 3 years ago. It is harder to make friends again but I have met a lovely group of ladies at the monthly Meetup of the Redbridge Gransnetters. I have also met a lovely group of ladies through the Knit and Natter meetings held in our local library. I have become particularly close to one of this group and next week I will join her at another weekly Ladies Group that she attends.
The point that I am trying to make is that making new friends at our age takes time but I do think that it is easier in a large city simply because of the greater number of people and groups around. Moving from a city to a small village makes things a lot harder.

Could you invite a couple of lots of neighbours for a meal?

We moved from a city to a small town a couple of hours away and, looking back, it took about 5 years to make new friends. Most of my new friends came through church, which DH did not attend with me. Does your church run community outreach events, such as toddler groups, elderly lunches, a social club for isolated people? They might be good things to volunteer for as you know you have something in common with the organisers. Does the church have midweek home groups, as these are a way of getting to know people better. Your husband might get to know your friends further down the line, this is how it has worked for us as I am the more sociable one. I wish you luck!

It is very difficult to make new friends at our age .If there are clubs to join then do it , go to the church yourself but it really is hard. I regret moving and leaving good friends behind especially as many of the friends we did make here have died . Our social life has shrunk to next to nothing . DH does not bother but I feel we are wasting the last years of our lives .

Oh dear! I can see this would be me if we undertook such a move - DH is always very happy to sit doing nothing at the weekends, as his job is fairly people-intensive. We moved to a new area when we were newly-married, and he only joined in with things when I started going out without him to pursue my own interest in amateur drama. I don't think I'd rely on him for developing a new social life if we moved when we retire.

If you can find an active church, it would provide volunteering opportunities as well as a chance to meet people. Churches can be a bit cliquy, but if you're able to offer to help, you should find like-minded people.

How about joining an excercise class,yoga or a balance class,if there is a accessible swimming pool very often people do a class then have coffee.Put a small advert up for local ladies to meet for coffee at a cafe,worse case you will be the only one--------fund raise for a local group,you meet lots of people.You probably have a talent you could teach people as a fund raiser.Local theatre group,you don't have to act you could help with anything they need.Good luck.

I believe you have to 'go it' alone and make your own friends in as much that when DH observes how you are enjoying yourself with your new found friends he may? want to join in. If this does not come about then maybe he just does not feel the need for others and their activities and is no reflection on you. Don't push. If he wants a quiet life so be it. It was my DH who wanted to be here there and everywhere on retirement and although we made new friends mainly due to DH and his interests, I was happy with a' quiet life' ?This being a 'huge garden' !! in dire need of TLC that came with the property we moved into on H retirement.

Have a look and see what activities there are and see if you can find some to go to on your own. If your husband doesn't want to go you can't force him and if you do he may be such a miserable sod you'll wish you hadn't! Church is usually very welcoming. If you like walking is there a walking group - they usually meet weekly. WI only meets once a month. Perhaps there is an art group, sewing group, gardening group or something you are interested in where you can meet like minded people.

Is there a branch of the U3A close by? They meet each month but also have associated interest groups that might be suitable. Also, would you consider the WI? You would be sure to meet new people and I'm positive your help would be appreciated with their projects.

If you have a local online forum perhaps you could 'advertise' yourself. "New to the area. Looking for things to do, and friends to make". Perhaps suggest a meet-up in a local cafe for any others in the same situation. Post it for several weeks in succession. If people turn up you could discuss a joint activity such as a walk, a meal, or a trip to the theatre.

There are probably other people also looking for friends. If nothing comes of it, at least you have explored one avenue.

Can you take trips back to your home town to visit your friends, 5 hours is not a huge distance, perhaps do airbnb to meet up, or ask them down to visit you. It will give you something to plan and look forward to. Its not likely your husband will change if he likes a quiet life, if he is ok with you joining groups than look for something you enjoy and not to just make friends. Its hard to make a close friend as we get older as most are wrapped up in grandchildren and family. Maybe daytime coffee meet ups for a chat. Make friends with men a well can be refreshing. Do you have a hobby this can be enjoyable and lead to like minded souls. Its hard to do on your own and have hubby by your side would be easier, perhaps talk to him about it or give him the ultimatum that will change him.

I'm the unsociable one here ,my OH has loads of friends and has regular nights out ,pals he meets to work on cars with and charity things he's involved with.When I'm not working..and its only part time or watching GC ,I just want to veg out ,read or potter in the kitchen .
The thought of going out is hell .OH keeps telling me we need to find things for me to do as the plan is retirement later this year,I'm more than capable of doing that IF or WHEN I want .I'm very happy with my life as it is .

Perhaps if you're brave enough to join something alone he may realise how much fun it could be and decide it's a good idea to join in instead of being left by himself.
Perhaps a few 'heat it up yourself' dinners could sway him. If he's always been anti-social he's not going to change overnight and probably not at all.
If he's happy ... but life is better shared, isn't it?

I think my husband was more sociable than me. I came from a big family and all my life have had `noise` from other people, so I valued my time to myself when I retired. Hubbie made the effort and joined a couple of groups ie cycling and carving, he loved both. Carving was new and it is always good to develop a new interest

So it is me who has to make the effort now. I have two choices, either I sit at home and wait to become old or I get myself out and out and tbh crafting is a great way to meet people.

In the old days people went to the same school and barely moved away from the local area for the whole of their lives, it seemed to us that they had lots of friends but really it was a community thing. Very different now, many of us have had to move away with jobs, downsizing and affordability

I don`t want to lay myself open to the popping-in from the old days, meeting away from home is good, then coming home to a cosy nest is good too. It seems that we yearn for someone who knows us well, so we can have unspoken conversations. That, in my case, was my husband. He died and realistically, every couple ends up as one. Like other stages in life, it is all about adapting, trying to be a little self-sufficient when all around everyone seems to be in a couple. For some that seems to start a bit too early and retirement is often the trigger

As has been said many times before on other threads - join a local U3A, plenty of interest groups, an opportunity to learn something new and the chance to meet others and make new friends.

soda, I have had some good experiences too. I just feel people say join things/volunteer and sometimes its good to pull back a bit.

Have you told your husband how unhappy you feel? If you feel you have made a mistake in moving so far away, could you perhpas consider moving back to a more quiet suburb of the town? My husband also wanted to move miles away to the countryside and I resisted. He is now very happy in the house we bought a couple of miles up the road in a slightly quieter more leafy area. I would never consider moving away with him as I know we would never make any couples friends! As a very wise woman once said to me, we can’t change a person, only our response in how we deal with the person or situation we find ourselves in. I don’t think you are going to be able to change your husband, so you have to decide what changes you are able to make. There is not much point in dwelling on what has been done, but you do have to do something about your future! You can’t spend the next 20 or 30 years feeling unhappy ?

The hermit husband seems to be a common theme. I have one too. DH has never socialised outside the home. I used to envy couples who had couple friends, having dinner with friends or even holidays. DH would happily never go out anywhere ever again.
I have always tried to maintain my own interests and friendships but it's hard enough even without moving when you are a shy introvert.
I've joined a couple of groups. Even after a year of going twice weekly to Pilates, a class of over 50s I only know 2 or 3 to chat to and never outside the class.

We moved 2 years ago and I decided to ‘throw myself ‘ into a variety of things. These include a writing group, a reading group, a play reading group, a community choir (I’d never sung before) a retirement association for people who worked for the NHS and the U3a. I now feel more at home and whilst I’ve not got any close friends, there are many people that I know. My husband , when he realised I wasn’t waiting for him, has also joined the U3a and big suprise, he’s taking guitar lessons. He is more of a loner than me but he can choose to stay at home or meet new people. Good luck, I have found other people who are newly retired are pleased to make new friends and I’m sure you will soon be filling your diary with places to go and people to see. One thing I haven’t mentioned, as I became more settled I’ve dropped a couple of the things I started and also our local community college has been a life saver with occasional day courses.

I know you said DH is a loner but does he have any interest at eg DIY. I am thinking about the Men's Shed organisation. Although I mention DIY some have craft, computing, art, glass art, cooking and women are welcome too. If you have a skill you could contribute may even be a resource for you instead of your DH. Find your own interests letting folk know you do half a DH and you may receive invites as a couple. A lot of men grow into this way of life especially if they are quiet natured.

It takes time to get to know people when you move. To me it seems too that it has become harder than it used to be.

I don't know if this is due to our being older, or to the pace life is lived at these days.

My DH is less sociable than I. I doubt you can get yours to take more interest in people, unless his lack of interest is a new thing.

I go to lectures at the local library alone, as DH never wants to come.

Lately, I have been able to get him out of the house more, since we both bought electric powered bikes, mine's a three-wheeler, as I don't feel safe on two wheels any more.

Perhaps you can find a shared interest, otherwise I am afraid you will need to go out on your own.

Are there any Gransnet meet ups in your area? If not why not suggest a meet up at a local cafe/pub/ restaurant. We don't get many people at our meet ups but 3-4 of us meet up every couple of months.

Men do seem to close in on themselves as they get older and put less and less importance on socializing. So now it’s up to you to sort out a solution for finding new contacts and friendships for your own sanity and stop concerning yourself with searching out couple friendships.

All the suggestions above are excellent starting points but if you are truly committed to doing this it will take a certain amount of courage to step out of your comfort zone and try several. There are some great new friendships waiting out there ....but you have to get working on it! .Good luck.

Do sympathise - it's not you. People who have lived in the same place for years probably are as busy as they say. Get involved in something that interests you and get to know more folk and perhaps one or two will take as friends. Good Luck - it's not easy

Mousepotato, search Facebook using your area name, and join all the groups that are related to your neighborhood. If you post on the one that seems liveliest and friendliest (not the ones that just seem to be for sale ads) then you'll get replies telling you about any social outlets in your area as well as possibly one or two offering to meet up for a coffee.