I left my husband after nearly 40 years?

Yes, see my link above to citizens advice

I'm pretty sure it's 2 years with mutual consent and 5 if one party is objecting.

You deserve better! Remember this. for you.

No it’s 2 years. A solicitor most probably advise him to agree to divorce. His own after you get a solicitor.

The new divorce law will be passed "when parliamentary time allows", which hopefully will be sooner rather than later. This will mean that you are able to have a divorce without agreement, if marriage has broken down, without blame or waiting for 5 years. It depends on whether you can, after two years, hang on a bit longer?

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/ending-a-relationship/how-to-separate/ways-to-end-your-marriage/

It is five years separation that doesn’t need agreement, two years if you agree.

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/ending-a-relationship/sorting-out-money-when-you-separate/dividing-up-money-and-belongings-when-you-separate/
This link Also goes through the financial situation.

Unfortunately you won’t get much detailed, personalised advice in a free half hour from a solicitor. They will talk about the fees and legal costs. Try to get a fixed fee if it is straightforward, as often the costs of going to court, with endless arguments can be huge.
Couple are also expected to use Mediation as the more you can agree on, the more money you will save.

Forty years of abuse? Enough is enough!

I note you've been apart two years so this is not 'first month nerves' and like the other friends here suggest, best talk it over with a solicitor to see exactly where you stand.

I am sure life will seem wonderful once you get the legal stuff over and can move to somewhere less isolated and begin a new and happy life.

I do hope it all works out for you and you stay with us on Gransnet.

I would that you need sound legal advice. You have made a big step and now need to firm up the practicalities.

Re your title- Good for you!

Your judgement sounds just fine.
Even if he did seem attractive, once, he's shown himself to be anything but.

As already said, get advice on what your options are and how they could pan out for you.
You call the shots, not your husband.

Shysal, I think it's after 5 years

So sorry to read this, but I think you are doing the right thing.

If you haven't already done this, your next step should be to see a solicitor who specialises in divorce/family area, and arrive at a clear understanding of the financial implications of whatever you do. (I am under the impression that since you have already been separated for two years, you can have a divorce whether he likes it or not, but I may be wrong.)

You are under a lot of stress, so look after yourself. Don't drink except socially with trusted friends, eat well, walk in fresh air every day. Try journaling - writing down how you feel, what you are thinking, exploring possibilities on paper. Treat yourself to a notebook/journal you like the look of, and Google for ideas. I found Stephanie Dowrick's 'Choosing Happiness' a very useful aid to thinking about my situation when I needed to do so.

You say you feel isolated in your small, rented flat; but that isn't a reason to go back to a man whom you 'can't bear'.

Best wishes for whatever you decide to do.

I think being menopausal gave me clarity, the thought of having home all day made me want to top myself and there was no way that was going to happen.

I'd be inclined to tell him that I was moving back into the house, well I wouldn't have left it tbh. You can be separated while living under the same roof. I doubt him giving up work will maximise his claim. I wasn't working at the time of my divorce due to ill health. That didn't stop the judge telling me to pay him 125 grand. Everything starts from the 50/50 split and is adjusted from there by need. So mine could have been worse although paying him £125 grand felt awful to buy him out of a house he'd never contributed to. Yes it's better to do it without solicitors if you can but sometimes that's not possible.

I divorced my ex in similar circumstances, couldn't stand the thought of retirement in the same house. You will be entitled to a 50:50split. I think I am right in saying that he cannot contest a divorce after 2 years separation. Most solicitors offer a free 30 minute appointment, so I suggest you do this as soon as possible to find out exactly where you stand. We did as you mention and sold the house to buy a small one each. I must say I have never been happier and would never want to share my home again!
I was menopausal at the time but it never entered my head that it had clouded my judgement.

Do you need a divorce? Call his bluff by lying low , get advice , I think you can get free after some time without washing the dirty linen in public