Fallen out with a friend

Seriously where do you all work where you get free tagged on holidays before/after work trips? Maybe I need a new job!

It's entirely possible that the apartment was only available to book on a weekly basis, i.e. Friday to Friday

I would in that case get 5/7th of the cost of it back if that is the accomodation I chose to book.

I guess you lot all have more generous employers than me.

Expenses doesnt = go all out at my work. It covers the minimum.

I'm sorry but this lady outlines a scenario of traveling together and enjoying a flat for a few days. She then changes arrangements and wants you to pay for meals?

It's therefore ruined and her loss.

Where do you guys all work?

I get expenses for trips but it is literally for the duration of the conference. I can extend my trips but at my own expence.

No way would a weekend added on be on expenses it just wouldnt fly

notanan the OP hasn't actually said the apartment is being funded by her friend's employer only from the Monday, just that her expense account doesn't kick in until then.

It's entirely possible that the apartment was only available to book on a weekly basis, i.e. Friday to Friday, so the employer is paying for the full cost, but expecting that the friend would be there only from Monday to Friday. So she's perhaps taking advantage of the extra days free of charge and invited Eglantine to join her.

I do feel that as she is the one to have changed the arrangements, then it is she who has compromised the friendship. Eglantine YANBU at all in my opinion.

Think so, and thats on both of you, money issues should be discussed upfront and not assumed.

You both messed up and ended up upset

People do notice if offers arent forthcoming. Had you offered to pay the parking or petrol costs for being dropped at the airport etc the meal thing might not have been an issue

Her meals from the Friday to Monday would be on expenses too - so she wanted you to fund her meal bill for the weekend!

The apartment was presumably paid for by her company or she could put it on her own expenses and offset it against tax. I don't think she will be funding the extra three 'holiday nights' herself!

She has used you because she wanted company over the weekend and now has changed the arrangements.

a cheap, chill out break and a chance to have a great time”
It doesn't sound cheap nor very chilled out.
It's a pity you have lost your air fare over this but I think you are right, she has changed the arrangements, and I don't think you shouldn't worry about losing a friendship with someone like that.

It is very upsetting, though.

Eeek, I think it might be a bit of a cultural mismatch. My somewhat mixed upbringing means I still get it wrong on some of the cultural norms.

I can see it could be an reciprocal expectation for some people. It would have been the opposite in my adoptive parents culture, an invitation given was an invitation to everything, nothing expected and I suppose I’ve sort of settled halfway in pay your own way.

She did say about the stay over before she said about the food but perhaps I’d miffed her by not offering.

I wouldn’t have gone though if I’d known because it would have put it out of budget.

She dumped you because its her husbands birthday? Does she only see him once a year on his birthday.........She is no friend.

Or.
She was happy to share a family birthday with OP until she found out what OP really thinks of her, i.e. percieved as the better off friend who should foot the bill

Well gilly if you dont want to compensate that way, offer to pay your share of the accomodation, THEN split food 50:50

Yes buy a gift and pay halves, maybe buy an extra round of drinks, some extra wine, whatever ? But you wouldn’t pay for all the food (and presumably the drinks to go with it) for the entire 3 days would you ? Or would you ? In Rome of all places which I don’t think will be cheap?

She dumped you because its her husbands birthday? Does she only see him once a year on his birthday.........She is no friend.

The friends work isnt paying for the acvomodation until the Monday. Op and friend were tagging a holiday on before the work week started. Op expects friend to pay for her accomodation Sat-mon morning, then split food bills 50/50.

However even if the accomodation was free through someones work, I would want to "thank" them and by footing the food bill anyway. Like if staying at a friends house & you go out for a meal, or offering to bring the groceries if joining a friend at their own holiday home

But surely there is no other “cost of the weekend” notanan unless I am missing something. Elgantine was buying her own flights, happy to pay halves for food etc. The so called “friend” was getting the accommodation via her work so wouldn’t cost her anything (again unless I am missing something) ?

I suppose I was thinking we’d each pay our own way.

Yet you hadnt budgeted on paying for 50% of the cost of the weekend

Its not halves gillybob if OP is splitting the food bills and not compensating for the friend paying 100% of the accomodation.

notanan2 couldn't agree less !

Oh Gillybob, never thought of me being cover, though it’s not impossible........

I’ve certainly learned to go into details when(if) I get an invitation. I wasn’t expecting a free ride. I suppose I was thinking we’d each pay our own way.

It hadn’t occurred to me that she was expecting me to offer to pick up the meal tab. She perhaps thinks I’m as well of as her whereas I thought she knew I lived on a budget.

Oh dear.

I’m livid on your behalf, Eglantine. It seems like she was using you and didn’t give much thought for your feelings.
That’s not a friend, in my opinion.

I don’t think Eglantine did say that she didn’t expect to contribute though notanan I just don’t think she expected to foot the bill for all the meals out during her 3 day trip. There is a big difference between going halves, sharing the bill etc. which is fair enough, to being expected to pay for all the meals .

I agree with what others have said Eglantine she is the one who has changed the goal posts and she is the one who is jeopardising your friendship ! Selfish cow.

My suspicious mind wonders if you would have been used as some kind of decoy or alibi for what she might be really getting up to in Rome (besides work that is)

The having to drive to the airport hotel , rather than the spending on meals would have been the breaking point for me , and if you can't go rather than don't want to go , I wonder why she is so cross

I got as far as the beginning of the second paragraph. No friend, poor boundaries, forget it.