Names

So your child doesnt have the same surname as either of you?

This WILL cause confusion.
I know children with double barrelled names but their parents changed their own names to double barrell too so they all have the same surname. That or the child has one parents surname.

Since you havent double barrelled yourselves, people will assume that the child has either your OR your DHs surname.. not a new one.

Since you both decided NOT to double barrell yourselves when you married, it was a very odd move to give your child a brand new double barrell surname that they share with no one!

Yes, double names might cause some problems, but, imo, it's still the parents decision and not up to the mil/gm. It's a minor issue since she has nothing to do, I imagine, with the parents jobs and will have no effect on the child's school records. But, clearly, she thinks her opinions of their choices outweigh theirs.

I worked in an organisation where two employees working in the same office, doing the same job but with a different section of the public became married. This was late 80s. On marrying they both adopted one another's surname at the end if their own name. It was a nightmare for both their clients and reception staff. People would cone in asking for say Ms Johnston when they actually wanted Ms Johnston James. And of course would ask for Mr James when it should have been Mr James Johnston. Eventually the couple dropped "add ons" when they had their first child as they were list as to which combination of names the child should have. Still haven't changed back to the double barrel version. Think the Icelandics have the right method of first name given all of the mix and match ones going around in the last 20 years or so.

Hi Razzy! How ridiculous your MIL is being! Arrogant, stubborn, controlling, rude, and, Imo, just plan silly. I agree w/ those who say to ignore her bad behavior. However, if she addresses a gift package wrong, for example, I would not send a thank you for it. This may seem a little petty, Imo, it's justifiable. After all, if she doesn't send the gift to the person you actually are, why should you reply? Let her wait for a TY from "Mrs. Jones" whoever that is, LOL!

Rocknroll5me you have hit the nail on the head here... it is about gender politics.
Razzy’s irritating mother in law just can’t bear the fact that the world has moved on and women can now make choices as equal partners in a relationship.

Sorry to disappoint you Nonny but it was common in some communities to put surnames together in this way in order to differentiate between families.

www.historic-uk.com/HistoryUK/HistoryofWales/The-History-of-Welsh-Surnames/

Ellie666, I have a double barrelled name. I am neither ‘up my own backside’ nor do I think I’m better than anyone else. My husband’s family as far back as we know has this name, it’s on all the birth certs, death certs and passports. It’s our legal name.

NannaSazie my daughter for some reason decided to adopt my maiden name at some point in her life - I had a married name when she was born but for some reason she felt moved to revive the ancestral name!

My Daughter is called Francesca with the C sounding Franchesca, my Grannie always insisted it was pronounced Franssesca, as ses. We thought it was funny and gave up arguing.

Ellie666, if you just read the posts you’d know where Grandma Bob came from or, to quote you, ”Are you just being thick?”

Blimey - what a fuss about names. 'Ms" seen as awful, people who don't toe the patriarchal line being seen as trendy or awkward.
I must live in a very different world than some contributors and if so, I'm happy to be here

It’s not about calling the child by the name is it? As everyone says how often is that? It’s about sexual politics and her denial of your need to keep your birth name and add it to her sons ... or does she accept your married name of the two surnames with yours last ( thereby the most important one) with her sons name being reduced to a middle name?.. . this is where the crossness lies.
Just tell her you understand her irritation and say you’re sorry but that’s the way it is.
My mother in law said I had no right to ‘her’ family name after I divorced her son!
I have a daughter in law who has the most bizarre name and has named her children bizarrely as well so you can hardly tell the difference between the names....its her choice and in her gift. Some of us are bound to draw bum straws. You’ve thought long and hard and seriously about your name, she’s on a losing battle, no need for you to get upset about it.

I'm a little sad that my daughter took her wife's surname and dropped her own altogether, so when her baby is born he/she will have only my DIL's family name. Regardless of my feelings though, I have to respect her choices as an adult and not be a stubborn cow. As for someone who suggested not letting MIL see the child until she does what they want, I am beyond grateful that when my daughter just jokingly said something to that effect while we were all being silly together, my DIL became very serious and said that this baby will NOT be used in that way, as blackmail or a bargaining chip. I'm fortunate that these girls are very level-headed and reasonable, even if I don't always agree with them!

I think, if you want to keep your maiden name for professional purposes after marriage it's fair enough but think it makes life easier for others if you both use a double barrel for social purposes afterwards. Think of the palaver when it came to addressing Christmas cards. If everyone followed the same course, instead of addressing dozens of envelopes with, for example, "Mr and Mrs A Smith-Jones and family" we'd end up with, "Mr A Smith, Ms B Jones, Ms C Smith-Jones and Mr D Smith-Jones". which would make a three gin job into a six gin job

My DiLs have kept their maiden name but at Christmas and anniversaries I send cards to Mr & Mrs Nonnie. Pretty sure someone would have told me if they minded but I don't think they really mind about such things.

I would just be sending back any wrongly addressed mail as "no such person at this address".

I am not familiar with Icelandic naming customs, but I do know that in some other Scandinavian countries, the custom in the past was that girls received the last name Father'sfirstnamepossessivedatter/dottir and boys received the last name Father'sfirstnamepossessiveson. For example, my father's name is John. So my sister and I would be Johnsdatter/Johnsdottir and my brothers would be Johnsson.

I don't have a double-barrelled last name but that's because I wanted to take my husband's name and also my maiden and last names are both long and difficult to spell. (One is an Anglicized name and one is actually the German translation of an English name.) I literally learned how to spell my maiden name by hearing my mother spell it on the phone!

grandtante I agree that the pragmatic thing to do is to simply ignore it. The child can make up its own mind when old enough. I always hated my name being shortened and eventually just told people how I felt and they understood, well except my mother!

I sympathise OP, my late father in law persistently changed my son's name by substituting the x at the end of it to a c, short 4 letter name a diminutive of his actual name. It annoyed me a lot at the time, my husband would excuse his father saying the name with the c on the end of it was quite common when his father was young and probably did it my mistake, I didn't think so knowing him as I did, he was always right and had to have the last word on everything. I had to really bite my tongue at times. That one small letter changed the name entirely to one I didn't particularly like.

My daughter’s partner has a Peruvian double-barrelled name. They agreed that their daughter would just be given the first half as a surname. I don't know what they are going to do when they marry soon. I must ask them. Whatever it is, I will respect it.

Yes, your MIL is being rude by not using your child's proper name when, I presume, she writes to him or her, but is this really worth having a family quarrel about?

If you follow some of the suggestions others have made here, you WILL have an almighty row with her. Her rudeness does not IMO entitle you to be just as rude.

I would try to ignore her rudeness after pointing out once again that letters or cards to the child are wrongly addressed.

You and your husband have decided that your child should have both your surnames, as you use the one you were born with. That is your business and a frequent choice these days, so your MIL is the unreasonable one here.

That said, don't let this blow up into a full-scale family row, it isn't worth it.

Thank you breeze......I can't believe that I didn't see that post as it was right near my original post!

666 had me wondering nonnie

123coco I refer you to my previous post where I explained to someone with a DB surname. Perhaps it would have been better to have read on before commenting? Why did you address "No I think this is a view that people who aren’t born with a d-b name are getting above their station! Sad !" to me? I have said nothing of the sort. I always feel it is better to read the posts before retaliating wrongly.

Anyone else think there are a lot of unusual names on this thread? Maybe they don't normally post on the threads I look at

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