Son about to get married in St Lucia, wish I was with him.

My brother and sister in law got married with just 2 friends present. I was the only family member that knew in advance( on a shopping day out SiL, a few weeks beforehand, she told me and I was sworn to secrecy) I think my mum was quite upset when they announced it the evening after, but she hid it well.
In this day and age, with the silly costs of a wedding, understandable that so many couples go off overseas- lovely for them, but sad for the families left in the UK. To me, a wedding should be for all of the family, so could you arrange a get together in the next few months for everybody ?
Anyway, very best wishes for the future to your son and DiL

My grandson is getting married in Bali next week. His fiancé’s mother is Indonesian. They weren’t worried about getting married at all but her parents are very religious and are footing the bill. Only my son and wife will be attending as well as her parents They will have a party in London later.
In 1946 my husband and I got married at a register office as soon as he was demobbed simply because it was frowned upon for unmarried couples to cohabit in those days.
My granddaughter didn’t tell anyone but they just went with a couple of friends to the register office.
I just don’t see the point of spending ,thousands of pounds on a wedding and then not being able to find the money for the deposit on a house.

My son got married in Toronto and we just couldn't afford to go but we had a party at a later date.

My eldest got married in California while on holiday with his long term girlfriend. They just decided on the spur of the moment! They were never going to go down the traditional route of church/reception type of thing and I love them all the more for being brave enough to do it! I also love them for not spending hideous amounts of money on their wedding and for not putting us through the horrendous time that some families seem to endure! Does that make me a bad mother??

Oh I meant to say on their return we had a very small family get together at our house with lots of fizz and a 'wedding cake' a friend made for us. It was lovely.

There cannot be many parents who would not want to be involved or at least present at their children's wedding. Our eldest daughter decided on a register office no frills no reception wedding which was naturally a great disappointment to ourselves and others in our family. Bride and groom, followed by their friends, would then be off to the local pub while myself, DH our relatives and DD's in laws had our' own' reception at a top notch hotel funded by DH. Disappointing and not your usual kind of wedding but it was their day not ours.

I've done both first time big white wedding followed by divorce second time myself, dh and children and two friends as witnesses still with him my soul mate, I know which one I would choose no stress no expense just the words... Two of my children have and will go down a similar route but abroad with friends and family in tow lovely time and looking forward to the later one in September.

We bring them into the world, watch them grow up and then they fly the nest. We are parents but it isn't always easy. I would be the same as you but you have respected their wishes and now they must make their own futures. I do hope you are able to Skype or watch the wedding live. Sending you love and hugs. x

I was rather delighted when my daughter told me she was getting married in two weeks and that it would be just her and her chap, their three children and one sister each as witnesses. I lent DD1 my diamond necklace (not as bling as it sounds!) as the something borrowed. When I see the enormous fuss and expense of some weddings (not to mention those hideous Mother of The Bride outfits that I wouldn't be seen dead in) I think we got off lightly and I didn't mind at all. There was a lovely party a few months later which we all loved. It'll all be OK - just enjoy the photos and wish them the very best. (But I'd totally get it if you have a bit of a cry).

Well, after 20 years of OH and myself saying we would never get married, on my recent trip to England he telephoned to say we had to get married. No he isn't pregnant. It all hinges around his pension due soon. It would mean I get a widow's pension. This went on to next of kin etc and mainly because of Bloody Brexit it does tie up a few loose ends practically.

It started as a quick trip to the Mairie with a couple of witnesses. It will be my third marriage and I really felt a bit silly taking vows yet again in front of my children! (who are absolutely fine about it). It has now escalated to a combined 70th birthday party for me with the Mairie and vin d'honneur in the autumn and a large celebration chez nous next summer with all the family!

How did I get talked into this! Although I keep saying he hasn't asked me yet and I haven't said yes!

and Joelise if you are reading this please keep schtum until I can tell you know who when they get back from the States!!

HappyGran- I am so sorry for you but to be honest you are not missing much! Having seen a lot of weddings on both St Lucia & Tobago they are very tacky affairs. It always made me smile to see the bride tripping down to the beach in her posh shoes & getting them full of sand! It is also very very hot - even in the evening!!All the guests looked decidedly uncomfortable coming back to the hotel too.
Just enjoy the video!

My first wedding was church then traditional reception, neither my husband nor I wanted it like this - we wanted registry followed by party - but did it to satisfy parents, which I now regret!

4 sons have had the “big wedding” 2 have since divorced!!!

We have told our daughter to do whatever she is comfortable with, it’s their day and when they get round to it we shall be happy for them.

We were laying on our sun loungers on the beach in Dominion Republic a few weeks ago and watched a young couple get married by the sea. It was beautiful and they looked so calm and in love.

Can you have a little celebration when they come back? Nothing fancy, close family and friends and simple buffet food with a glass of fizz uf that's your and their tipple.

annifrance well well, I can’t believe it , will not tell a soul , even DH , congratulations to you and G xx

We can only say how we feel about this can't we?

There is no way I would have got married without my parents and in-laws there - I just wouldn't do it. I wanted them there to share our special day, and to my mind that's how it should be.

Likewise I would have been so upset if any of mine had gone off on their own like that. It's such a magical moment to see an offspring marry isn't it?

However, like in most things, what the young want the young have these days, and I do agree that it is madness the amount of money some couples spend on their huge lavish weddings.

I am sure you will enjoy seeing them when they return.

you could have a party for when they come back? and if they agree maybe a blessing....for the people who were not able to see the wedding...

DS1 got married in Florida (1st time!) and DH and I and a couple of close friends were invited to share in their special day - which of course I was delighted with. A divorce later and marrying his second wife they chose to have their wedding in Mauritius and again we were invited with the bride's parents, close relatives and a couple of friends.There was never a question of us not being invited and although I get what other posters are saying about it being 'their day' I admit I would have been devastated if we had not been party to DS's nuptials. We were in the lucky position to be able to afford to go and on both occasions spent a week prior to the wedding having a pre-wedding holiday with them. So happygran I totally understand you feeling sad but admire your resolve in not letting it show.

I wish I'd had the courage instead of doing as our parents wanted back in the day. I'm sure you're disappointed not to be with them but have a lovely meal or party for them when they get back.

Happygran
Brave and well done, all the best to you

Happy gran....well yes tears at bed time would have been slightly difficult for the bride, but really, what did she expect? Mum loves her and just wanted to share in her joy!!!
I would have hated looking on from the sidelines at what I missed.
Anyway, their happy and you’ve been generous enough to accept their decision.
Good for you!!
(I have a little sympathy for brides mum though!)

You sound a great mum Happygran as I can tell from your post you want what makes them happy. Young people do get married abroad a lot and with this in mind me and my husband have renewed our passports which ran out years ago just in case this happens and I feel happier having them.

I did what my mum wanted on my wedding day not what I wanted. Hope you enjoy FaceTime x

Years ago we had a thing called a conscience, which I don’t think a lot of young people have where their parents are concerned . These days they just tend to do as they like. A friend told me years ago that children are very selfish till they need you for something, I have to agree.

My mum and dad hopped off to the Registrar on their own to get married, with just the clerk as a witness, back in the 1940s. It never seemed strange to me that my mum didn't wear a wedding ring (she said it was a symbol of serfdom!) and, years later when we were clearing out Dad's desk before decorating the room, I came across their wedding certificate. When I told Mum she said "Good Heavens, whatever you do don't tell Grandma" (her mother). I asked why not, and received the reply, "Well, she doesn't know we're married yet and the shock at this late stage might kill her".
She was a woman ahead of her time ... ???

My daughter got married in Dubrovnik and we were there. She would have hated us not to be there. It was a magical week.