Grandsons

One not on!

No, definitely don’t do it,
Open a savings account for them for the future, & treat them to a day out somewhere, perhaps an animal sanctuary or something like that, ( ice creams optional)
As the old saying goes , there is more than on way to skin a cat! ( actually I must look up the origins of this saying, its actually a bit gory if you think about it ?)

I agree Harrigan

I think children are very aware of the need to raise money for charities. They have children in need, Red Nose Day, currently some of ours are doing a sponsored run for cancer relief at school

I think birthdays are for presents and spoiling children a bit!

My son and DiL have a lot of family and friends who have given loads of gifts and toys to our beloved GS. I have spoken to his mum and dad and agreed to buy him token gifts only plus money which his parents can spend on him as and when he needs anything else. He has loads of toys which have been loaned to him by friends whose own children have outgrown them and when he outgrows them they will be returned to the original owners.

I find that GC are expected to do things for charity through their school and various clubs so will not expect them to share their birthdays with a charity too.
I always ask DIL what the GC would like, with the teenager it is usually clothes or money.

Being aware of ‘those less fortunate ‘. does not make people care about what they are aware of.
If you feel they have too much tangible stuff, take them for a day out on their birthday instead.

We give our two grandsons 8 and 6 money at Christmas and their birthdays for them to choose want they want. We find they are far more discerning about what they spend it on and often keep the money until they know exactly what they want. When we are out and they ask us to buy them something I often say ‘you can buy want you want with the money we have already given you’. We do give them smaller gifts plus the cash.

I agree ours have far too many gifts from other people that they rarely play with.

Finally over the years my DH has trawled the charity shops and many toys and games we have given them cost under a fiver.

Just one little red flag here:

"Not sure DIL will approve"

Then you must speak to her first.

You simply cannot go imposing your ideas, however laudable, on her children without discussing it with her first. Otherwise it will certainly seem like a criticism and come across as disrespectful.

Why wouldn't she approve? There's a note of disapproval in your post which will surely come across if you do something without her consent.

My grandson too has more toys and books than you can shake a stick at, and the same 'enviable lifestyle' your dgs enjoy.
However, at 10, he is very well aware of the problems out there and has chosen to support an animal charity.

When my first grand-daughter was growing up (she's 26 now), I sent her cards which showed I had just paid, on her behalf, for a goat, or some seeds, books or chickens for a family in the third world. Later we supported organisations which worked exclusively for women.

None of this happened until her parents agreed.

You may be skating on very thin ice if you do this partly to teach your dil a lesson in compassion.

If youre not going to buy them something you think they'll like just dont bother!

I am not opposed to charity/sponsorship gifts in general , but given with the sting-in-the-tail judgement that you would be giving it with: worse than no gift!

By the way, "those less fortunate", in general, sounds a little arrogant. It is like putting yourself a step higher than the others.

I am sure that for some people, I would be less fortunate, as they have items I do not have or choose not to have.

It does not mean I am not happy.
It does not mean I am aware I miss those items and I wish I had them.

Again, I am talking in general. Now, if we are referring to situations of extreme poverty, lack of access to drinkable water, etc, that is a totally different case

I would suggest a small gift , something small and silly they can enjoy opening and sign up to World Vision.

A vote to don't do it

Comes across as challenging their parenting style and trying to teach their kids "better" values
You said yourself dil might not like it. Are you willing to create a family rift?

If anything, talk to your son. The time of the dil being the social secretary is over

I wouldn’t do it.

It comes across as a passive aggressive lesson to the parents with the children as the losers

Chewbacca

I love your canal barge idea!

What a fabulous day out

I understand your thinking, Googes, but agree w/ those who say the gift of a charitable donation should be accompanied by a small gift the child can enjoy.

"Not sure DIL will approve..."

So ask her and DS if it's ok. IMO, it's always good to check w/ the parents first, especially if one is uncertain.

My GC like so many others, have more toys and games than they know what to do with and half of them seldom get played with. After discussing with DS and DIL it was decided that, apart from a small token gift on birthdays and Christmas, my gifts would be family trips to the theatre, pantomimes or activity days out. I've just booked a canal barge with picnic, for the whole family, which is a joint birthday celebration for GD and DIL. Not had anyone disappointed yet.

My GC are now too old for toys, thank goodness! When I asked the youngest what he wanted for his 11th birthday he asked for a £10 note - quite a modest request! I bought him and his brother lockable cash boxes to encourage them to save what I and others gave them.
One of my DiLs (now DS's ex) always sends me links to suitable gifts for her two teenagers which is very helpful.

Why would you choose to do this knowing that their mother, your DIL would not approve?
I am a paternal grandmother and thank all that is holy that I have very good relationships with both of my Daughters-in-Law, but then I don't go out of my way to antagonise them

How about giving them experience days instead of 'things' ?

Sorry, nanak not Kate!

Grandaughters first birthday soon, I'll be getting her a small toy and giving her parents money for a day out. I don't want to buy stuff they can't store. When she gets bigger I may do membership to places they like.

I’m inclined to agree with nanakate, whilst I would like them to be aware of people, especially children, who have a lot less then they do, I wouldn’t exchange their usual presents for a charitable donation

After all, I’m their granny, I’m meant to spoil them!

I wouldn't dream of doing any such thing...….

I don't know how old they are, but if you could give a charitable donation as well as some other tangible gift that they can see and handle and enjoy first-hand. How about sponsoring a puppy that is being trained as a guide-dog for the blind? They get regular reports on his/her progress, with photos and videos.
www.guidedogs.org.uk/how-you-can-help/donating/sponsor-a-puppy/

Googes if you look at the bottom banner on your screen where it says ‘I’m on’ and click on that, you’ll see all the threads you have started or commented on. If you click on a thread, it will open it up.

I don’t know what other people said on your first thread, but if I was a child and was told my birthday present was going to be a charitable donation I think I’d be rather annoyed.
A gift ir donation is only worthwhile if it is made willingly, not because the donor has been told to do it.
I also think gifts of money should be freely made without conditions. Otherwise they are not gifts, but a means to gain leverage over someone.
I think if you think your DGCs are over privileged, there are better ways of making them aware that there are many people worse off than they are.

My DGCs have lots of stuff. When it’s their birthdays or Christmas I give them a small gift, a book or a game, and money goes into their parents’ accounts to use however they see fit, when it’s needed, either now or in the future.