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(31 Posts)
Googes41 Sun 02-Jun-19 16:59:30

Hello,I am new to Gransnet forgive me if this has already been discussed. I have 2 grandsons who seem to have every
Toy known and an enviable life style. I would like them to
Be aware of those less fortunate and for their birthdays this
Year I intend to sign them up for a charitable sponsorship .
Not sure DIL will approve but feel they should know that
By forgoing a quickly discarded toy they have the potential
To make a difference to a child or animal. Any advice on
A suitable cause that members have personal experience of
Would be really appreciated.
Am I doing the right thing?

Chewbacca Sun 02-Jun-19 17:01:18

Didnt you start a post earlier today asking the very same thing? I'm sure I saw replies to this question earlier today? confused

phoenix Sun 02-Jun-19 17:02:23

I'm sure I've already seen this thread, started today.

Either deja vu, or I'm able to see into the future and predict threads before they happen!

Googes41 Sun 02-Jun-19 17:09:25

Sorry have had email problems today and didn’t realise it had already appeared.Technophobe

Googes41 Sun 02-Jun-19 17:11:28

Haven’t seen any replies!!

Nonnie Sun 02-Jun-19 17:16:57

It depends how old they are.

I think some older people don't understand what children's expectations are today. We probably gave ours roughly the same as other children had. Expectations of parents and children have changed.

Of course I don't know what they have.

janeainsworth Sun 02-Jun-19 17:30:03

Googes if you look at the bottom banner on your screen where it says ‘I’m on’ and click on that, you’ll see all the threads you have started or commented on. If you click on a thread, it will open it up.

I don’t know what other people said on your first thread, but if I was a child and was told my birthday present was going to be a charitable donation I think I’d be rather annoyed.
A gift ir donation is only worthwhile if it is made willingly, not because the donor has been told to do it.
I also think gifts of money should be freely made without conditions. Otherwise they are not gifts, but a means to gain leverage over someone.
I think if you think your DGCs are over privileged, there are better ways of making them aware that there are many people worse off than they are.

My DGCs have lots of stuff. When it’s their birthdays or Christmas I give them a small gift, a book or a game, and money goes into their parents’ accounts to use however they see fit, when it’s needed, either now or in the future.

Elegran Sun 02-Jun-19 17:49:35

I don't know how old they are, but if you could give a charitable donation as well as some other tangible gift that they can see and handle and enjoy first-hand. How about sponsoring a puppy that is being trained as a guide-dog for the blind? They get regular reports on his/her progress, with photos and videos.

nanaK54 Sun 02-Jun-19 17:56:48

I wouldn't dream of doing any such thing...….

Sara65 Sun 02-Jun-19 18:01:09

I’m inclined to agree with nanakate, whilst I would like them to be aware of people, especially children, who have a lot less then they do, I wouldn’t exchange their usual presents for a charitable donation

After all, I’m their granny, I’m meant to spoil them!

EisforEgg Sun 02-Jun-19 18:01:21

Grandaughters first birthday soon, I'll be getting her a small toy and giving her parents money for a day out. I don't want to buy stuff they can't store. When she gets bigger I may do membership to places they like.

Sara65 Sun 02-Jun-19 18:02:40

Sorry, nanak not Kate!

Septimia Sun 02-Jun-19 18:15:23

How about giving them experience days instead of 'things' ?

nanaK54 Sun 02-Jun-19 18:19:42

Why would you choose to do this knowing that their mother, your DIL would not approve?
I am a paternal grandmother and thank all that is holy that I have very good relationships with both of my Daughters-in-Law, but then I don't go out of my way to antagonise them

annodomini Sun 02-Jun-19 19:22:05

My GC are now too old for toys, thank goodness! When I asked the youngest what he wanted for his 11th birthday he asked for a £10 note - quite a modest request! I bought him and his brother lockable cash boxes to encourage them to save what I and others gave them.
One of my DiLs (now DS's ex) always sends me links to suitable gifts for her two teenagers which is very helpful.

Chewbacca Sun 02-Jun-19 19:34:49

My GC like so many others, have more toys and games than they know what to do with and half of them seldom get played with. After discussing with DS and DIL it was decided that, apart from a small token gift on birthdays and Christmas, my gifts would be family trips to the theatre, pantomimes or activity days out. I've just booked a canal barge with picnic, for the whole family, which is a joint birthday celebration for GD and DIL. Not had anyone disappointed yet.

Starlady Mon 03-Jun-19 10:45:16

I understand your thinking, Googes, but agree w/ those who say the gift of a charitable donation should be accompanied by a small gift the child can enjoy.

"Not sure DIL will approve..."

So ask her and DS if it's ok. IMO, it's always good to check w/ the parents first, especially if one is uncertain.

Sara65 Mon 03-Jun-19 11:20:22


I love your canal barge idea!

What a fabulous day out

Summerlove Mon 03-Jun-19 16:05:49

I wouldn’t do it.

It comes across as a passive aggressive lesson to the parents with the children as the losers

Hithere Mon 03-Jun-19 16:44:20

A vote to don't do it

Comes across as challenging their parenting style and trying to teach their kids "better" values
You said yourself dil might not like it. Are you willing to create a family rift?

If anything, talk to your son. The time of the dil being the social secretary is over

Elvive Mon 03-Jun-19 16:48:23

I would suggest a small gift , something small and silly they can enjoy opening and sign up to World Vision.

Hithere Tue 04-Jun-19 23:02:01

By the way, "those less fortunate", in general, sounds a little arrogant. It is like putting yourself a step higher than the others.

I am sure that for some people, I would be less fortunate, as they have items I do not have or choose not to have.

It does not mean I am not happy.
It does not mean I am aware I miss those items and I wish I had them.

Again, I am talking in general. Now, if we are referring to situations of extreme poverty, lack of access to drinkable water, etc, that is a totally different case

notanan2 Wed 05-Jun-19 01:40:21

If youre not going to buy them something you think they'll like just dont bother!

I am not opposed to charity/sponsorship gifts in general , but given with the sting-in-the-tail judgement that you would be giving it with: worse than no gift!

BradfordLass72 Wed 05-Jun-19 06:12:49

Just one little red flag here:

"Not sure DIL will approve"

Then you must speak to her first.

You simply cannot go imposing your ideas, however laudable, on her children without discussing it with her first. Otherwise it will certainly seem like a criticism and come across as disrespectful.

Why wouldn't she approve? There's a note of disapproval in your post which will surely come across if you do something without her consent.

My grandson too has more toys and books than you can shake a stick at, and the same 'enviable lifestyle' your dgs enjoy.
However, at 10, he is very well aware of the problems out there and has chosen to support an animal charity.

When my first grand-daughter was growing up (she's 26 now), I sent her cards which showed I had just paid, on her behalf, for a goat, or some seeds, books or chickens for a family in the third world. Later we supported organisations which worked exclusively for women.

None of this happened until her parents agreed.

You may be skating on very thin ice if you do this partly to teach your dil a lesson in compassion.

NanKate Wed 05-Jun-19 07:16:01

We give our two grandsons 8 and 6 money at Christmas and their birthdays for them to choose want they want. We find they are far more discerning about what they spend it on and often keep the money until they know exactly what they want. When we are out and they ask us to buy them something I often say ‘you can buy want you want with the money we have already given you’. We do give them smaller gifts plus the cash.

I agree ours have far too many gifts from other people that they rarely play with.

Finally over the years my DH has trawled the charity shops and many toys and games we have given them cost under a fiver.