WEDDING DRESS SHOPPING WITH DAUGHTER

Please don't be upset. There is no intention to hurt you.
Everything is so different these days. Enjoy the wedding
and have a lovely day.

I left it up to my daughters to go shopping for their own dresses. I'm not much of a shopper anyway. I can understand the disappointment if you were expecting to be asked. There's a lot of things I've been expecting to do with them where I haven't been asked. Very disappointed but managed to hold my tongue.

Please don't be upset. Everything is so different these days. There is absolutely no intention to hurt you, and that's what matters. Enjoy the day!!

I went dress shopping with DD & was frankly surprised to be asked as she's a very private person & we're not a close knit family really. It was a lovely experience & I enjoyed being there & helping her choose. I do understand your disappointment at not being asked but I suspect you will have more disappointments before the actual day. Brides these days very much know what they want - even if you're the ones paying! I know from experience! Its not like in our day when we were told what we were having, who the guests would be & mother bought or made the dress!

Depends on so many things.

Are you very close?
Are you paying for it?
Do you respect her decisions?
Are you critical?
Have you been supportive about the wedding?
Does she generally enjoy shopping with you?
Do you do things together?

I don't think there is any right to seeing your daughter try on wedding dresses, nor is it really the norm nowadays.

In days gone by parents had much more involvement in planning their daughters weddings - often because it was the parents paying for it.

Nowadays most young people pay for their own weddings, sometimes with a contribution from the parents, and not everyone lives around the corner from each other anymore.

I only know one person who took their mother wedding dress shopping with them, and they are very close and spend a lot of time together, and have a great relationship.

My mother said that she would buy my wedding dress so I took her shopping with me but she said that everything I liked was too expensive - though she was a wealthy woman.

I can see her point of view now, it seems insane to spend hundreds of pounds on a dress for just one occasion, money much better spent on something more useful or essential, such as a house deposit.

In the end I decided to pay for it myself so that I could have what I wanted. I ended up with a simple dress that was actually not very expensive in any case.

Perhaps the OP's daughter was afraid that she would try to impose her taste, or influence her on the cost (one way or the other)?

Sarahcyn - how rude are you !!

With D1 Pa and I were both involved. With D2 she decided herself. I understand you feel hurt, but try to let it go. Just in case she thought you were too far away to be involved with much, why not ask if there’s anything she’d like you to pop up and do with her. Hope the wedding goes well for all of you.

I did go shopping with my daughter for her wedding dress but she had whittled out a lot of dresses going with one designer only. Visited the showroom and helped with choice. DIL also invited me along with
her mum and the bridesmaid. This time DIL had chosen one store and we all went along to help decide both bride and bridesmaid dresses.

I shopped for my own dress. My mother was seriously put out that I didn’t ask her along. When I pointed out that she didn’t want me to marry and certainly didn’t want me to marry the man I had chosen as his skin was the wrong colour, she had something of a lightbulb moment.
None of our daughters have married in a ‘conventional
‘ way - it doesn’t matter as the marriage is about them not us.

I didn't go wedding dress shopping with either of my DDs, as I made both their dresses,( to their designs) and their bridesmaids dresses.
However, we did go to a wedding show pre both weddings, where we had fun looking at everything and getting lots of ideas of how to do things as well---but cheaper.

Yes, you are being too sensitive. I am the same way so I can see it. It will be ok.

Sarahcyn....what a nasty reply to Yangstel1007. If her daughter had mentioned to her mum about having looked at dresses with her bridesmaids but included her even talking about it that would have been nice. I understand her mother's feelings about this special time in her daughter's life. You obviously have no heart.

It so depends on circumstances! My DD was a student so when I said I’ll pay for the dress she was like wow great and waited for me to pick one. I picked a classic. We flew to USA for the wedding and United Airlines lost the suitcase with the dress! By Friday we were in a panic ( and me in floods) so we went to a funny dusty local dress shop , walked in and found an identical classic style dress on clearance sale for $50 but with tiny yellow flower trim! An utter miracle! 30 mins prior to the wedding United delivered the original dress. She sweetly did say do you want me to change and I said no the $50 dress is the miracle lucky dress and it has been ! But she’s the same girl who forgets every other Mother’s Day - but then brings me something priceless for my birthday. I just take it as it comes I’m so so so grateful to have a daughter!

I would just tell her that you really want to go with her! You could say that you’d like to treat to lunch and make it into a special day. I think it’s ridiculous to say that the bride has to do everything she wants her own way - you are her mum. I expect you are probably donating to the wedding! I took the view that as my parents (and MIL) gave us money, they had earned the right to be included in some of the fun parts!
Funnily enough though, my mum wasn’t that involved with my dress as my dress was a wedding gift from a friend (very talented professional designer) and I kind of let her have fun designing it for me (obviously I was v involved!).
Mum came with me to choose b/maid dresses.

I didn't take anyone dress shopping, apart from my then fiancée. He couldn't care less what I wore, as it was a beach wedding with just the two of us. In the end I chose a beautiful antique lace dress and thoroughly enjoyed wearing it. My mum and sister have different taste to me, they had their day, this was mine.

Saggi. You are a sweet and generous mum!

I think people are so precious about their weddings now, in the seventies, when we, and a lot of our friends got married, it was so much simpler, much more fun, and much less expensive!

I didn't go wedding dress shopping with my mum, as she made my dress with silk my sister sent from Thailand. We did shop for her outfit together, though, which was nice.
DD is now getting married, and did her first few try-ons with a friend who's getting married a few months before her. I didn't really expect her to ask me, as she's usually someone who has definite ideas about what she wants, so I was quite surprised when she asked me to go to the next two, and even more when I suggested she try a different shape to the one she favoured and she really liked it. We're going to another one soon, but it'll definitely be her decision in the end.

Paperbackwriter Me too! That is, my youngest and her husband were married with only her brides' maid, his Best Man and two friends as Witnesses. The reason I did not go was that the Groom's parents were in Australia and could not be there so it seemed one-sided if the bride's mother was there. Her father died years ago. I was very happy about it. I thought it was so thoughtful of her.

They had a lovely meal later with many friends and all families and then on their 10th anniversary a most wonderful afternoon and evening in a lovely place where we all had such a great time. The meal was a fish and chip van!

So - OP, I understand you are feeling sad at not sharing these things with your daughter, but try to keep your chin up and be proud of her. She probably doesn't set so much importance by the ceremony of choosing the dress. These days our children are very pragmatic. I'm sure you will enjoy a lovely Wedding!

Um hum. Let her do her own thing. - My DD went browsing and found a super dress - she hadn't understood she was looking at the 'bridesmaids' section of the shop. Anyway, it was a gorgeous thing and very much 'her' so she bought it - and it was so much cheaper than those for brides. Nobody was any the wiser.

mernice. You have a kind heart and really do understand the idea of supporting the person who writes for help and advice.

You say you rarely write in, but I would sincerely love to hear more from you on other subjects.

At least you're going to the wedding! My daughter got married very quietly (and quite suddenly) with only her partner, their 3 children and a sister each in attendance. I was actually very happy with that. Just enjoy - don't get hurt by every little thing or you'll have a terrible time.

My eldest daughter came in one day with a white hat, I said that's nice what's it for ( thinking she had had an invite to something) her reply was 'for my wedding' we knew nothing of this but she said we didn't need to know because we wern't invited!! After 3 weeks of misery she relented and we went to the wedding with a few other close relatives at the local registry office. The marriage lasted around 12 years when hubby left her with 2 children because 'he didn't want to be married anymore'. Our relationship is fine now and we help her as much as we can. But at the time it was so hurtful and many tears were shed.

March. I completely agree. Having any expectations can lead to disappointment but ones such as these are so intimate and deep that we need to be careful about what we are expecting.

I think the fact that she lives so far away is probably a reason. It usually takes more than one trip.

I also think that ideas and feelings parents have around weddings and especially their child's wedding should be kept very closely guarded. It is not our wedding! Times change and our children have different ideas to us. We are there to support them.