WEDDING DRESS SHOPPING WITH DAUGHTER

Both my daughters asked me to come with them to look at dresses (me and both daughters each time) and then asked their bridesmaids to come for a look when we'd chosen the dresses. I would say something like 'I'd love to be with you when you're looking - if you'd want me' - perhaps she thinks its a long way and doesn't want to put you to any trouble.

One of my small regrets in life was that I allowed my mother to go shopping with me for my wedding clothes. I wanted Biba she wanted Harrods. And she was paying and I thought well it would please her. Unfortunately Harrods had a new in store department called Swing In can you imagine! It was completely wrong, she wouldn’t hear of what I wanted, too dull and depressing, (yes) and the wedding photos do not reflect who I was at all! She also said that with all the lace I had to have my long hair up or at least wear a wig. I had an Afro wig ( circa Hair) so she took it and said she’d give it to her hairdresser. So there I am in these just wrong clothes and a wig ( luckily I took it off later so many photos with it long... ) bizarre and all because I wanted to please my mum.
When my daughter got married I just stepped back and when she showed me what she was wearing I just said it was brilliant. It really is their day.

expectations lead to resentments.

I had my dress made for me by a colleague as her wedding present to us. Apart from umpteen fittings (she was a keen amateur) the result was quite wonderful and just exactly what I wanted. Certainly saved any aggro in the shopping or sensitivity arena. Wonderful memories.

I went dress shopping with both my daughters, their choice. I must admit I would have been hurt if I hadn’t been asked, but we are close as their dad left when youngest was 2 1/2 add real contact since. I gave one daughter away and did speech and youngest her twin brother gave her away and I did speech. I was paying for dresses. Was involved in rest as much as they wanted me to be. In various ways and made wedding cakes with my mum.

I am really shocked at the messages saying get over it or of course she shouldn't ask you!! Have you never watched an episode of Say Yes to the Dress? Lol. I would have given anything to have my mother here when I was choosing my wedding dress. One of my daughters chose a dress without me but we have recently just been to try dresses on with another of my daughters and it was a magical experience.

Go with the flow. Things are different these days. If you want to be more involved with the coming wedding, ask what she'd like you to assist with and see where the conversation goes.

I hope the wedding and marriage go well.

I think for your own sake, you have to let her get on with it in her own way.

There’s no doubt in my mind, that wedding planning has a strange affect on young women, and the wedding dress will be just the start of it.

By the time you get to it, you’ll probably sincerely wish she’d just eloped!

What about shopping for your outfit as Mother of the Bride? Are you wanting your daughter to go with you? If you include her by asking her advice on colour, style etc and invite her to help you she may realise how excluded you are feeling.

P.S. I blame 'Say Yes to the Dress'.......all that rubbish about entourages!!! So much rubbish is talked about it as if there is a set of hard and fast rules about what should and should not be done.

My husband helped me choose my outfit. Didn't think to ask my mother.

You will be wise to follow what your daughter wants. Enjoy the wedding and be proud of her independence.

Thank you everyone, for your replies.

In 2007 I went wedding dress shopping with DD1, I was paying for the dress so seemed the right thing to do !!!
Fast forward to 2014 and DD2 went to St Lucia and got married without telling anyone so no I didn't go wedding dress shopping with her.
Priorities change, please don't get upset.. go with the flow and enjoy the wedding.

My DD is also getting married May 2020!
It will be a low key affair but she will be getting a dress of some sort. She has promised me a trip to one wedding shop in a few months but it will be more of a dress-up fun occasion than a real shop. She might go ahead and buy something then or carry on looking - she's not even sure what sort of dress to go for.....its up to her and SIL to be. Their wedding day. To be honest I've offered funds for certain things.....dress, cake, reception etc etc. Nope, they are determined to do it themselves! I'll get some money into the fund somehow but at the moment she's being all independent and I will just smile and enjoy the ride.

I don't have a daughter. DiL said something about shopping with her for wedding dress and bridesmaids' dresses. But I'm a 5 hour drive away and things just didn't work out. Of course she took her mum. However....I did get preview photos of everything before anyone else, so felt I was being kept in the loop.

I was also asked to do one or two things for the wedding itself, which was nice. I feel a bit left out, though, when I saw the official wedding photos as there were loads of her parents and a few of my DH but virtually none of me and few of our family. That wasn't her fault, just the eccentricities of the photographer.

And, looking at what photos there were of me, I find myself wishing I'd chosen another outfit.

In the end, it was a lovely day, and it was their day, not mine.

Maybe you could ask if there's anything you can contribute - perhaps you have artistic/photographic skills that would complement the other arrangements on the day and make you feel more involved.

I asked my mother to come wedding dress shopping with me, she declined. She wasn’t interested.
I have 2DS so wasn’t involved in the DIL wedding dress shopping. No matter.
I have, however, had lovely days out MOG outfit shopping accompanied by DH.
Make an occasion of buying your own wedding outfit and enjoy the day feeling fabulous.

My DD did want to me to go with her dress shopping, so we did go and pick out a lovely dress together, but DD2 wanted to do it on her own ( fine by me.)Everyone is different.

You are being sensitive OP, but not too sensitive I think.
However, don’t take it to heart.I loved my Mother a lot but she lived a long way away, and I popped into John Lewis in Oxford St (in my lunch hour!) saw a wedding dress I liked, tried it on, and left a deposit, collecting it a few days later.
I don’t think there was the worry about the ‘big day’ or bridezillas back then.?
It was a size 10 and I put it away for six months until the
wedding, come the day of the wedding I got it on ( just).....it was all the dinners made by my MIL to be.....eeeek.

Apologies if I've missed it, but did you actually tell her you'd like to go dress shopping with her?

I was quite disappointed when I got married - I thought that my mum would be keen to help me organise things but she didn't seem particularly interested, so I went shopping with some friends instead. I'm sure she would have made the 120 mile journey if I'd asked her, but a)it would have been nice if she'd offered and b)it was just easier to go with my friends.

Oh I really don’t understand this need for some mums to be so involved with their adult children’s business. It’s far better they go with their friends or bridesmaids we would probably choose something quite different to them let them have their fun and giggle their way through the day without us hanging around
So for me yes you are expecting way too much it’s not a ceremony in it’d own right picking out a dress let the youngsters do it their way nothing to get upset or hurt over

Actually, thinking about it, she’s probably just “playing” at wedding dress shopping with her friends.

Just tell her that when she’s really looking to buy, you’d love to come along.

I made my eldest DDs wedding dress and the bridesmaids and my own outfit. 4 bridesmaids and own outfit for youngest son’s wedding. Hoping my other two aren’t planning a wedding anytime soon. Wouldn’t have wanted to go to ghastly overpriced shops.

This wouldn't worry me whatsoever!
It would never enter my head that I would go with my daughter to choose her wedding dress. I would willingly help if she asked me to but going with her bridesmaids would make perfect sense to me.
The best advice, is to offer to help with anything regarding the Wedding and then wait to be asked.

I borrowed a dress from a second cousin. Gave it back later. Money saved put to deposit for house.
Now mortgage free

Whenever I come across another mother upset over daughter's wedding, I am left thankful my daughter decided never to marry.