WEDDING DRESS SHOPPING WITH DAUGHTER

My daughter just turned up one afternoon to show me the dress she had just bought. Admittedly it was a low key wedding and she had got a dress from the high street. But I was so upset that she hadn’t asked me to go with her, though I didn’t say anything except how lovely it was.

Fast forward twenty years and their anniversary. We were chatting about the wedding and she made a remark about “When we went shopping for the dress.....”

“No”, I said. “You did that on your own. I didn’t come with you.”

“Oh didn’t you. I thought you did.”

And the conversation moved on. It really wasn’t an important thing for her. So I’m glad I just shrugged it off.

I guess I’m saying that whether it’s a major deal for you or a minor disappointment really depends on what you wasn’t to make of it.

You’ll be there on the day?

Meant to add sorry your feeling left out Yangste , perhaps because of the distance you are from her and if she is busy working arranging wedding etc it was easier for her to go with her friends ?

I had lovely day with my DIL she had been out with her bridesmaids and seen dress she liked but still wasn’t sure so she asked me to go with her for another opinion .( her mum had recently passed away which was very sad for her)
Upshot was she bought the dress she looked beautiful and we also chose the bridesmaids dress material. I really enjoyed myself as I only have boys

I left my D and her friends to that side of the shopping. I'd have been useless anyway watching her trying on dresses and blubbering-----so no, leave that to your D and friends. Just blubber on the day when you see her !

I remember hearing the vicar's remark " oh, you look lovely ", to my D of course.

I had always imagined helping to plan her wedding and going shopping for her dress with her.

I think that's the problem for so many hurt feelings!
Mismatched expectations.
Maybe that's not how she imagined it, maybe she thought you didn't want to go, maybe she wanted a day out with her friends.
I wouldn't worry too much.

I went with my DD for her wedding dress shopping along with her bridesmaid she had already done a lot of searching for the best style that would suit her so we had a head start when we got to the salon.
She tried on about 6 dresses and when she decided on "the one" we went on to stay the night at a local hotel for a girly night and picked up the dress the day after after some quick tweeks to the dress.
Both my DILs went shopping with their own families so it was a surprise to me as well as to my son's when the girls walked down the isle.
Maybe your DD is just making a shortlist for your help when she makes her final decision.

I think you are being a bit sensitive. Some brides-to-be are very independent and like to make their own mind up, without any advice, particularly from mother! I did go on to one wedding dress appointment with eldest daughter, and she then had a few on her own, sharing some photos. In the end, she chose her own dress, without any input from me.

You could ask her to come with you when you look for your "mother of the bride" outfit. That way you would get some mother-daughter time.

I have just been wedding dress shopping with my daughter and she also brought along my DIL. She had postponed looking, as I have been in hospital and was too ill to go. I encouraged her to look on her own, as time was running out, but she insisted on waiting until I could come. She only lives ten minutes away, so it was easy to meet up.

However, times have changed and I think young people nowadays have a different "take" on things, so try not to be hurt. Perhaps, she felt she was imposing on you, by asking you to travel to visit her. Also it was probably an opportunity to have a girls' day out with her bridesmaids.

As Sar65 has said, there will be plenty of other things to get hurt about before the wedding actually takes place!
I too am keeping a low profile (apart for paying for it!), trying not to interfere and only helping when asked! I have had to bite my lip on a few occsions, as it's my daughter and her fiancés day, not mine! My mother took all the pleasure out of mine and I don't want history repeating itself.

If it is really upsetting you, choose your moment, have a quiet word with your daughter, but try not to make a big issue about it. I'm sure it will all be fine in the end.

I really wouldn’t worry about it, by the time she actually gets married, there will be plenty of other things for you to feel hurt about

Seriously, you need to grow a thick skin if you’re going to be mother of the bride, my advice, help when asked, otherwise keep a low profile

I was lucky to be included in this special time with both my daughters.

However my friend's daughter chose to go wedding dress shopping with her girl friends not her mum.

As you live a distance away maybe your daughter is just whittling down options, before she asks you to come along and help make the final decision.

I suggest you talk to her and offer to visit and that you would love to be involved.

Do you feel you have a better eye for what’s on trend than her contemporaries do? I appreciate that if you are, for example, a professional fashion buyer your daughter would benefit from your advice, but otherwise...how would you be helping?