WEDDING DRESS SHOPPING WITH DAUGHTER

I wedding dress shopped on my own my mother would have been no help I think shopping with the MOB goes back to the time when MandFofB were paying for everything which is less often the case these days Saying that my sis shopped on her own and Iwas paying for the dress

I was just thinking the wedding was probably postponed as it was to be May 2020

Blood and sand, it’s happened again! I’ve just read through the whole thread, thinking about what I was going to say about my own experiences, when I got to page 3 and realised I’d already said it, 12 months ago. I must have the memory of a goldfish.

Unless you are the person paying then personally you shouldn’t expect to be there. If she asks that’s nice but it’s her money and her dress.

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I would be upset. My daughter has already said I will be going with her though
My son got married last year and I also went with my future daughter in law. I was included in everything

Is she expecting you to pay for it?

OP, when I got married I went by myself to find my wedding dress. I wanted to get what I wanted and I didn’t want anyone else’s opinion.

It wasn’t to be rude to them, in fact, it was to avoid being rude.

I wanted to find a dress I truly loved. And I didn’t want to offend anyone or hurt anyone’s feelings by choosing a different dress than the one they wanted.

If you invite people’s opinions you will get them. Perhaps she was a little worried you have different style and she didn’t want to offend you by choosing something else.

I will tell you once I selected my dress I brought my mom to the where were we had a beautiful “dress reveal” for her with me in the dress, vail, hair up, the whole shebang and a champagne toast.

It was very special. I don’t think my mom felt slighted, if she did she’s nevertheless mentioned it.

My daughter chose her own wedding dress and I was an admiring adviser. I invited her stepmother to attend but she chose to wait for the big day although her dad was paying half the cost of the wedding. I think the bride chooses what she wants.

I'm sorry you missed out on such an event when you wanted to be included. I would be just as upset.

Can I ask how you communicated this to your daughter beforehand? I wonder if she doesn't feel you have a close relationship if neither of you talked about it before it happened. Furthermore, 100 miles is quite the distance. There's so much chaos in planning a wedding that it would make it a lot more difficult to have to plan every single dress shopping around when you can make a 2 hour drive. As you've said, she's gone 3 times already, that's 12 hours of driving for you!!

I would suggest being open and honest with her. I don't think you're unreasonable to be upset. You're entitled to feel that way. But your daughter may have no idea you feel this way. Maybe she could even just facetime you or send pics during the process as a way of including you that's convenient for everyone!

When daughter 2 was getting married, she came home with a dress, about 6 months before the wedding. Her fiancé was with her and helped to choose it, because he "didn`t want her turning up in something he didn`t like." I didn`t like what she`d bought, but it wasn`t me getting married. Daughter 3 had both me and her dad along when choosing her dress. Fast forward to daughter 1`s second wedding, I was asked to go along when she was looking for her dress, and daughter 3, when getting married again, brought 2 dresses to our house for us to look at and give our opinions, in the end I think we all liked her final choice.

When we were planning DD's wedding she and her fiancée were accompanied by 3 of us (at their request) - myself, her stepmother and fiancée's aunt as her mum had died a couple of years earlier.
We thoroughly enjoyed the fuss that assistants made when faced with 2 brides! We had 2 excellent shopping days followed by a very happy wedding with no disagreements at all.

If my DDs ever get married I would definitely prefer not to be involved. Our tastes are all very different and I'd be bound to say the wrong thing. On top of which, I'm not keen on shopping.

Different strokes etc. OP why don't you ask her to send you a video of the dresses she's choosing?

Dd2 was/is one of the pickiest clothes shoppers - let alone wedding dresses! I left her to it along with her sister and bridesmaid until she’d narrowed it down to the final few. I would probably have walked the length of the UK otherwise.

Well if you do, you run the risk of them thinking you’re trying to interfere, and if you don’t, they may think you’re not interested!

On the other hand they may just be a lovely young couple, who won’t hold it against you either way

My sons partner, her mother has died, and I thought I might get a look in for the dress shopping,but alas no.
I would love to see the dress before tge day should I ask to see it?

My dd had hers made, and there was some input from me as to style (very simple) since she's always been terribly indecisive and wants someone else's opinion. A dress from a shop would have been a no-no anyway, since she always had a very hour-glass figure, so often has trouble finding clothes to fit, and was even bigger up top anyway since BFing a young baby.

I did go along to a fitting, but that was at least partly to look after the baby!

It would frankly never have occurred to me to ask for her input on my own outfit, and in any case she'd have said it was entirely up to me.
I had awful trouble finding anything I liked that wasn't typical MOB - it was not going to be a formal do so just wanted a nice summery dress that wasn't too short or sleeveless. Even personal shoppers in the likes of John Lewis couldn't find me anything.
In the end I found something online. 'Fun', looking for such a thing?? Not for me!

I would definitely be as disappointed as you are now. A bit of the reverse situation here, but it didn't occur to me that anyone but DM would want to go wedding dress shopping with me, and I didn't even ask my sister or best friend, which probably disappointed them. Unfortunately DM and I were both quite timid where shop assistants were concerned. I only tried on one dress, thought it looked ok, and DM bought that for me. Now I wish I'd had more of a 'day', involving more people and definitely comparing more dresses. I suppose what I'm trying to say is she may have not even guessed you would like to be there, so you could make a comment like 'how lovely for you all to be shopping for your wedding dress' and see if the penny drops! Enjoy the big day.

Why not just ask if you can tag along if and when they next go, if a final decision hasn't been made. On the other hand, she may want to surprise you on the day.

I can see both sides of this issue. But sometimes daughters might view things differently in the future. I’m thinking of a nephew and his girlfriend who married in Las Vegas with no one else there. Fast forward a few years when they had children of their own, and she confessed she would be devastated if her own daughter did a similar thing. Perhaps wedding dress shopping is the same.

DD2 took a posse of us (me, her sister and various friends) on a wild goose chase round every bridal outlet in the county over several weekends, including charity and vintage shops. I took photos of her wearing every one she tried on - dozens of them! She’d set her heart on a Jenny Packham she’d seen beforehand in a wedding video and nothing else came close in her eyes. Eventually we found it secondhand in her size on sale in a dress agency in Dublin and had it shipped over from there. With DD1, she and I went to choose hers together and she decided on the third one she tried on. They were both perfect. Happy days!

I hope you have a great day, Yangtse. I do envy you having a wedding to look forward to.

Reading this, it has just hit me that when I married the first time, it did not even occur to me to call on my mother to go shopping for my dress - really, I did not think of it. The second time around, she went with me, and went to every fitting too. I think my relationship with her changed a great deal as i grew older. I also think that the point I want to make is that she has probably not even contemplated the fact that you might feel hurt

I went wedding dress shopping with my daughter- it cost me way over £2000 try telling yourself you've had a lucky escape (hope this cheers you up a little)

Just remind yourself it is your daughter's wedding not yours and support her way of doing things . Enjoy what you are included in and try not get upset when expectations on your part aren't met .

Mernice, I think posters often relate their own experiences to help give the OP some perspective on the issue. Also, sometimes, our own experience is all we have to go on.

Hilda, I agree that "Say Yes to the Dress" may be creating ridiculous expectations. I certainly don't get those brides who bring in a whole range of people. There are bound to be different opinions and arguments about the "best dress." But I imagine some brides and their families are like that. And, as far as I know, the idea of the bride and her mum going wedding dress shopping together is a time-honroed tradition, anyhow. I just think times have changed, and no one should base their expectations on a TV show or even a tradition.

The only expectation to have, IMO, is that of a good time at DD's wedding. Or if you (general MOB) won't/can't be there, then just that she'll have a fine time and a happy marriage.

its understandable you're upset, but there could be lots of reasons why she's started looking without you. She may choose to include you when she's narrowed her choices or is nearer making a decision. There may be pressure to include others, and also just getting caught up in the moment. Some shops limit the number of people they allow in to accompany the bribe to be, a very sensible recommendation, too many opinions just makes a decision harder.
Maybe ask if you could be included when she's closer to making a decision, or that you'd like to meet Sometime to see the dress she's chosen and buy the shoes with her?
I'd take a deep breath, although you're hurting, the way you react now will help in many areas of potential conflict between now and next May.
Weddings. Guaranteed to bring out the best in families
Good luck.