AIBU for not wanting nana to be called mama?

What annoys me is tonight, I told her, what about mama and her first name and my dd will only be able to say mama anyway for a while! But it wasn’t good enough.
Btw my dd is 14 months old now and she calls me mama exclusively like she doesn’t babble it to anyone and she will go “that isn’t mama! That’s Hawa, mummy Hawa!” So it’s ok to call me mummy first name lol.
She’s so difficult

She wants to be called a name that is only appropriate for the child's mother, and refuses to show respect for the OP.

I'd suggest that if she doesn't start changing her attitude, she may have to be content with being called Grandma Who We Don't See.

While I can see the OP's point to some extent, I don't think that anyone else, even the child's parents, should dictate to the grandmother that she accept a name that she doesn't want to be called, as a lot of people seem to be suggesting!

I'd go with the Persian "Naneh" as well. Just explain that you want your children to have some knowledge of your language and culture. You could teach some Farsi words as well. Then when your DD get older she can teach her cousins (and see how your sil likes that!)

"Mama", as well as 'mother', also means 'a mature woman', notanan

eg 'a matriarch'

If it’s upsetting you, then it’s a problem.

The fact that your MIL seems to be “doubling down” vs accepting Nana, is a real issue of disrespect for you.

Your husband needs to tell her again. Just keep correcting her every single time.

I’d be seeing her less often though. People who don’t respect me as a parent/mother, didn’t get the benefit of my family.

I m sorry notansn you got it all wrong I wasn’t suggesting anything about paternal or maternal I was simply telling you what happened in my ex s family, do read my post again and don’t be so blooming aggressive
It was NOT advice to the poster just a simple bit of information ...blimey

A friend is Mama to her grandchildren.

My granddaughters call me Mamma. I've also got 2 step-grandchildren, and they also call me Mamma. They call their biological grandmothers Nanny and Granny

My DB's children called their maternal grandmother 'Mama' and they called my mum 'Nana'.

Unless your children call you Mama, I can't see a problem.

Hawa93, As you are Persian, why not suggest you would like your children to use the Persian word for grandma 'Naneh'

Although, with others, I would say, do not worry about it, it is too trivial, but if she is using the name to blur the boundary between who is mother and who is grandmother, then that is a different thing.

My children were brought up in Holland and called us Mama and Papa. I would have hated my MiL to adopt the term.

I'm not surprised you were taken aback and weren't very happy about this.
However, although your DD is very small and won't yet understand, it's more important that your DD knows the relationship than what she actually calls your MiL. You could refer to your MiL as 'grandmama' but leave your DD to call her 'mama' for short. If you make sure that your DD learns the relationship as she grows up, what she calls people won't make any difference.
My niece and nephew are now grown up so I never call my self or my DH aunt or uncle to them, just our first names. Likewise, my son doesn't use 'aunt' or 'uncle' , just first names. It works because we established the relationships when they were all children.

Notanan West Indies if that makes any difference The eldest lady was always looked up to

Rubnish! The OP NEVER stated who was elder, the maternal grandmother or paternal grandmother. So that cant be what you meant when you called the paternal grandmother the matriarch!

Love BlueBelle's idea of treating this as if it's just a matter of different languages/being bilingual!

Hawa93, I don't think you're BU. As you say, if DD began calling MIL "Mama" organically, b/c she heard the other grands calling her that, then it would be ok. But I can see where the fact that MIL seems to be pushing it would be disturbing.

I agree w/ others, however, that if DD comes to call MIL "Mama,' she will know the difference between that and her actual mum (you). We adults know that Mama actually means "mother," but to DD and her cousins, it will mean "grandmother" for a long, long time. Even when they become conscious of the fact that usually it means "mother," they will know in their family, it refers to MIL/this particular GM.

Maybe MIL became used to being "Mama" b/c of SIL's kids and it has become part of her "identity." But the fact that she now is trying to blur the lines between Mama and Mummy - and between DD and GD - has me concerned. It DOES sound as if she's trying to "play mummy" or, at least, be thought of on the same level as mummy/as a 3rd parent.

It also bothers me that she continues to insist on Mama after you and DH told her how you two feel. And it bothers me that she, apparently, complained to SIL about it, and that one or both of them decided it was all coming from you, even though DH is the one who told her to "quit it."

IMO, you and DH need to talk this over and decide what your priority is - to keep MIL from teaching DD that she's Mama or keep her from mixing up the terms mama and mummy, etc. (the second is more important, IMO, but that's just me). Then, you'll have to approach her as a united front and let her know exactly what your boundary is. And you'll have to enforce it every time. This can be done gently-but-firmly, as in, "No, DD, this is Nana, not Mama" or "No, in this house Mama and Mummy are NOT the same" (caps for emphasis, not yelling).

I know it seems like a petty issue to some people. But, IMO, it's the sign of some larger concerns (MIL trying to be in control, disrespect for the parents' feelings).

If you decide that you're ok w/ Mama as long as she doesn't interchange it w/ Mummy, then you may want to let SIL know about that incident. That may concern her, too, and she may want to be on board w/ you in making sure that doesn't continue.

If this continues to be a problem, you may want to cut back your visits w/ MIL. Maybe you do, anyhow. I'm NOT saying to cut her out altogether over this. Not at all! Just saying that the less DD is around her, the less likely she is to be influenced by her. Meanwhile, you can remind DD of who MIL is or what you feel she should be called and just say she's "being silly" when she calls herself "Mummy" or whatever. It's very easy for parents to do this, especially if you're with them a lot more than the GM. (As a GM, myself, I'm not crazy about the idea, but some GMs force the issue). DD will believe YOU.

Notanan West Indies if that makes any difference The eldest lady was always looked up to

Just keep telling your daughter she's Nana and it will stick, keep correcting her in the mother in laws presence too. You and your husband agree she's to be called Nana so keep addressing her as such. If you don't want or like her calling herself Mama tell her so politely and calmly and stick to it.

"Matriarch"
Seriously? What century are we in?

My ex husbands granny was Mama to everyone ( even the grownup grandkids) no one seemed to have a problem or mix her up with the Mum or Mummy’s She was just Mama, the elderly matriarch make sure you talk to your child calling the lady what you want your child to call her he will soon get the idea just like a bi lingual little one will talk to each in their own language
Don’t make an enemy of your mother in law over this

Mama = mother, not grandmother (which would be Nana if other versions are hard to say)

Ask people (without telling the back story) what "Mama" means and they will all say "mother/mum".

Like Luckygirl my six Grandchildren all call me Mama because the eldest couldn’t say Grandma. I love it.

Two-Mama which is like a second mother---Deep South,USA.
My friend is MeMaw to her GC.

OP I am with you. It would really irritate me. Just reinforce whatever name you have chosen for your DD to call her every time she does it and as much as possible at home. If challenged just pleasantly say that your DDs name for Grandma is xxx and refuse to be drawn into further discussion. If she pushes for further discussion just say that your DH has already explained your little family's preference and that there’s nothing more to say.

He called her mama because she taught him too because he said it when he heard his uncles call her maman which is our word for mum. And then she sort of taught him to call her that x that’s why it don’t sit well with me because it wasn’t organic”

My niece claled my mum “mama” until she could said grandma and I undeestand that