Stalking from elderly neighbour

I understand one idea is to open the door in your coat with your bag in your hand and say you are just going out, then pull the door to behind you.

If the poor woman is really elderly she may have some form of dementia.

please don't call the police.

She's lonely. But you, with your depression, are not the right person to accommodate that. When she comes to the door tell her you're busy. When she offers you gift say, "No, I won't take that, thank you. I've really got enough".

Ignore calls from above in your garden until she ets the message.

This situation will not end unless you take some action. I think the idea of having a chain on the door and saying 'not today, I am too busy' and then shutting the door is the best solution. She will either stop bothering you or it will get worse and then you can call the police and let them deal with it.

Doing nothing is not an option

I'd assert my mouth and tell her to naff off.You don't need one of those in your life she'll wear you down.

It's hard gilf2019 but sometimes you just have to lay things on the line. This lady is clearly in need of company but appears to have little social awareness. I would take wildswan's advice and turn her away, I appreciate the fact you don't like confrontation but if you are not direct this situation will continue.

I see that Mental Health diagnoses are again being made on the basis of one short post.

She sounds desperate to be friends, but only on her terms!

Be not in when she calls round, or say you are just off out, sorry, and go out, anywhere. If she calls later, you have a migraine and are laying down in a dark room. You have an appointment sorry. Etc, etc. She will hopefully get the message.

In order to keep it sort of friendly, if after a few days of her keeping away, and then she calls round again, don't let her in but suggest having a coffee somewhere maybe later on the week.

That way you can leave when you want, and you are in control.

One more racist type of comment though, say I don't have to listen to this, goodbye. Just go and never answer the door to her again. She will know why, unless she's super thick skinned.

You have to find your inner strength and stop this as soon as possible. Do not let her into the house. Open the door with the chain on if necessary and say "sorry, its not convenient". No other explanation is necessary.

She sounds a very needy sort of woman and very unpleasant as well.

It might be hard to do, but a lot easier in the long run than putting up with her day after day. She will, eventually, get the message. Don't stop enjoying your garden. Ignore all noises from above and she will get fed up.

Can I ask how old elderly is?

Appearing to not be at home when she calls is one answer but is difficult to do without it being obvious, although maybe it would give her the message.

I wondered if you could put some sort of summerhouse/ gazebo in your garden where you can sit without her being able to see you.

Google Narcissism I did and it will explain how to handle them

Oh dear gilf I'm afraid you have only two choices; continue with this very one sided 'friendship' or bring it to an end.

I do understand that suffering from chronic depression makes it difficult to assert yourself so perhaps a letter may be the best way forward. Sounds as if she may take some time to accept it, but once the decisions been made I'm sure she'll find another friend.

TBH if Mr. S. was of West Indian descent someone would only have to be "mildly racist" on one occasion and that would be an end to the relationship.

Take the bull by the horns and tell her you want to end the friendship. Good luck.

She sounds like an elderly neighbour here who thankfully left her husband and moved. She was identical and was a Narcissist so be aware. We ended up moving our entrance door which was at the side of our property opposite theirs to the front of the house. At first she was so overly nice but also racist and controlling, I showed her I wouldn’t be controlled. We ended up with cctv as she started spying in our windows she was a nightmare. Be polite but think of yourself, don’t be controlled and watch if she turns into not liking you as then your troubles begin