daughter

Glad it worked out, nana15!

In the future, I would not tell DD you're going to her brother's if you're afraid she might decide to "pop over" and they might not like it.

Nor would I try to get her to visit her other brother or meet you at his house. Clearly, there is some tension between them. Please stay out of the middle. If they're going to resolve it, they have to do that, themselves.

Families eh? they can be such hard work. Just mention to your son that she may pop round and let them get on with it, and just keep smiling

It depends on family dynamics. My lot never receive an 'invite' from each other. they just turn up! If you're not in - they go again! Other families are more formaal - so it really depends on that.

So glad it all got sorted without issue!

Good ?. Glad it worked out but I'm sure you had reason to be stressed.

Alls well ! Many thanks.
Arranged family get together. Loads of love and fun .

Must have been the medication I am on!

Sounds to me like your son would like a solo visit and your daughter is adding herself on? Does your son live in the middle of you and daughter?

I tbink going forward you don’t mention visits to your daughter until after the fact.

It doesn’t sound like they have a great relationship. She needs to arrange her visits to his house with him, not you!

I also can't understand what the problem is...unless there is anything else we are not privvy to? A daughter meeting up with her mother at her brother's house seems perfectly normal to me! But then again...non of my family have to have 'invitations' to visit. So.. Nana with you saying you are thinking of cancelling to avoid conflict....are there conflicts?
If there are then just tell your daughter NO. Don't cancel yourself...

My children always aim to visit my mother together, they find it less of a strain I think !

Like others wish I had a brother or sister who popped in

Gosh it's a bit much when you can't telk your children you are visiting one of them But I too have the problem. When my daughter comes I can't tell my son. Very awkward for parents. Children need to get a grip!

nana15 can you tell your Son that you happened to mention to his Sister that you were going to visit him and she said that she would see you there. Is that going to be ok or not?
If it's not ok with your Son, I would cancel the visit for this time and next time you arrange visiting your Son, don't mention to your daughter.

Ditto BrandyButter

And sort out your relationship with them all if you can. I can understand trying to get on and not upset any of them but you need to remember you are the Mum and that tiptoeing round people does not help. Just cheerfully keep things out in the open.

If it's a problem that your daughter wants to pop in to see her brother at the same time as you are visiting, why did you tell her you were going!

My children (when my son was still talking to me) would often time their visits to me and other relatives to coincide, as they found it more fun with a larger group than just talking to boring older relatives. I didn't really see much issue? Though I think I'd mention "oh I heard from your sister and she's thinking of popping in too". I mean they might want to get in some extra cake.

It shouldn't be your worry they are adults with their own homes could you not just say to DD have you mentioned that you are popping in to see xxxxx as we might be having a trip out and would hate to miss you.

Do you feel like your are stuck in the middle of all this, as if keeping so many plates spinning? Does your sons wife not get on with your daughter? I can sort of understand your dilemma - however I'm sure it could all be sorted with light hearted straight talking...

Keep calm and put the kettle on when she turns up!

As for Christmas dinner, it seems some folks do get their knickers in a twist. People feel they have to invite other family, and it all gets abit stressy and duty bound.

My sisters daughter spends Christmas Day with her ma and pa, her partner spends Christmas Day with his ma and stepdad.
They have a small daughter, who last year spent Christmas with dad, her grandma, and step grandpa. They toss a coin to see who gets to take the toddler where. Last year mum lost the toss. It all works fine in our family, nobody falls out, and everyone can be totally honest where they want or don't want to be.

Mention to your son ..."oh - xxxxx said she'd pop in, have you spoken to her?"

,isn't that what families do?
I would hope so (although perhaps not all do, reading some sad threads on here).

Vicar of Dibley

I just wish I had Brothers & Sisters
It’s not good being an only child

Not your problem, it's theirs. Tell your son what has been said and go ahead with your visit.

Thank you all for your replies

I live 350 miles away from my brothers and sister, I wish they could just pop in at any time .

Cancelling seems a bit melodramatic and rude to your son and his wife. Let him know what she said otherwise he may think that you just took it upon yourself to invite her but otherwise, unless there is a major family issue behind it all, just shrug it off and look forward to the visit.

Why not just tell your son that your daughter says she will be visiting. He can then get in touch with her and discuss when she intends to come and whether it is convenient.

As for the two Christmas dinners. You accept the first invite and tell the second that you have already had an invite, which you have accepted, and you will come to them next year.

Why do families get constantly get their knickers in a twist over problems that just talking to each other openly could solve so easily.