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(39 Posts)
nana15 Thu 13-Jun-19 22:22:03

Hoping to visit my son and family one weekend and my daughter said she would meet me there [uninvited] saying "We''ll pop over there" I feel stressed that My son and wife are not expecting her visit.I feel like cancelling to avoid conflict. My Daughter always avoids visiting her other Brother if I go there. I feel trapped. I can remember having being invited to 2 Christmas Dinners one time and being unable to refuse! Am I worrying too much?

phoenix Thu 13-Jun-19 22:34:14

Umm, suggest to your daughter that she gets in touch with her brother and checks it's ok to turn up at the same time as your visit?confused

crazyH Thu 13-Jun-19 22:35:58

Well Nana15, I may not be of much comfort - but my daughter tends to do this 'popping in' at her 2 brothers' houses. I heard over the grape vine that one of her sisters -in - law is not too happy about it. But my daughter doesn't take any notice. I am both embarrassed and anxious, because she could be 'told off' by her brother and it could cause another family rift. This is the same boy who was horrible to me last August. I though I was the only one who had this problem. I have no answer, because if your daughter is like mine, she won't take a blind bit of notice ?- happy families eh? Hope the visit goes well x

phoenix Thu 13-Jun-19 22:36:20

Mountain and molehill? Yes, you are probably worrying too much over something that appears to be easily solved!

Unless there is more to this than you have said?

nana15 Thu 13-Jun-19 23:04:55

For example> One day Daughter phoned me and said she was coming to visit me. I said I will meet her at the other brothers as it was a lovely sunny day and I go to sit in the garden while they are at work. [I haven't got a garden] she usually arrives about mid day. She said okay. I prepared lunch to take over for us. within the hour there was a knock on my door and it was my daughter at 10.30a.m. Making a vague excuse that she forgot she had a later appointment and just pop in for a coffee? It's a 100 mile round trip!! This is one of many similar episodes. She is making it obvious that she does want to go to visit her 'other brother'.

annep1 Thu 13-Jun-19 23:19:52

Perhaps your daughter and other son don't get on well for some reason. It happens and my advice is to not ask or worry. But she obviously enjoys seeing you and other brother. Perhaps you could suggest she checks with him. I think its lovely that she wants to visit. My children don't care about visiting each other.

paddyann Thu 13-Jun-19 23:41:41

I dont understand why its a problem if your daughter visits,my two often pop into each others if their passing ,isn't that what families do?

stella1949 Fri 14-Jun-19 00:00:34

It sounds as if there is more to this story than you've told us. If there are tensions between your children, I'd suggest telling them to deal with it, and to contact each other if there is going to be a visit. And since your daughter seems to "drop in" when you are there visiting her brother, how about you just don't tell her your plans ?

annep1 Fri 14-Jun-19 06:21:01

I agree with Paddyann. But obviously your son doesn't like drop in visits. My brother and sister died years ago. How I wish they could drop in.

Sara65 Fri 14-Jun-19 06:47:05

I also agree with Paddyanne

As long as she’s not popping in every other day, at inconvenient times, surely it’s not much of a problem

BrandyButter Fri 14-Jun-19 10:01:04

I would mention to your son and Dil that your other daughter mentioned 'popping in' as well so they are aware of her impending visit and leave it to them, at least they will be aware of extra guests.

Gonegirl Fri 14-Jun-19 10:09:43

I can remember having being invited to 2 Christmas Dinners one time and being unable to refuse

What happened? Did you eat two? confused

Also. What Brandybutter said.

merlotgran Fri 14-Jun-19 10:16:18

Vicar of Dibley?

aggie Fri 14-Jun-19 10:16:19

I have a friend who "pops" in whenever she hears we have visitors and I am the one gets it in the neck for accidentally telling her XYZ is due , so I understand what you are saying , I just grin and go with the flow now

M0nica Fri 14-Jun-19 10:18:15

Why not just tell your son that your daughter says she will be visiting. He can then get in touch with her and discuss when she intends to come and whether it is convenient.

As for the two Christmas dinners. You accept the first invite and tell the second that you have already had an invite, which you have accepted, and you will come to them next year.

Why do families get constantly get their knickers in a twist over problems that just talking to each other openly could solve so easily.

Jaycee5 Fri 14-Jun-19 10:42:50

Cancelling seems a bit melodramatic and rude to your son and his wife. Let him know what she said otherwise he may think that you just took it upon yourself to invite her but otherwise, unless there is a major family issue behind it all, just shrug it off and look forward to the visit.

vena11 Fri 14-Jun-19 10:47:54

I live 350 miles away from my brothers and sister, I wish they could just pop in at any time .

nana15 Fri 14-Jun-19 10:49:23

Thank you all for your replies

knspol Fri 14-Jun-19 11:22:09

Not your problem, it's theirs. Tell your son what has been said and go ahead with your visit.

Tamayra Fri 14-Jun-19 11:24:03

I just wish I had Brothers & Sisters
It’s not good being an only child

Callistemon Fri 14-Jun-19 11:24:40

,isn't that what families do?
I would hope so (although perhaps not all do, reading some sad threads on here).

Vicar of Dibley grin

Newatthis Fri 14-Jun-19 11:49:22

Mention to your son ..."oh - xxxxx said she'd pop in, have you spoken to her?"

3dognight Fri 14-Jun-19 11:59:05

Do you feel like your are stuck in the middle of all this, as if keeping so many plates spinning? Does your sons wife not get on with your daughter? I can sort of understand your dilemma - however I'm sure it could all be sorted with light hearted straight talking...

Keep calm and put the kettle on when she turns up!

As for Christmas dinner, it seems some folks do get their knickers in a twist. People feel they have to invite other family, and it all gets abit stressy and duty bound.

My sisters daughter spends Christmas Day with her ma and pa, her partner spends Christmas Day with his ma and stepdad.
They have a small daughter, who last year spent Christmas with dad, her grandma, and step grandpa. They toss a coin to see who gets to take the toddler where. Last year mum lost the toss. It all works fine in our family, nobody falls out, and everyone can be totally honest where they want or don't want to be.

harrysgran Fri 14-Jun-19 12:29:29

It shouldn't be your worry they are adults with their own homes could you not just say to DD have you mentioned that you are popping in to see xxxxx as we might be having a trip out and would hate to miss you.

ReadyMeals Fri 14-Jun-19 13:24:53

My children (when my son was still talking to me) would often time their visits to me and other relatives to coincide, as they found it more fun with a larger group than just talking to boring older relatives. I didn't really see much issue? Though I think I'd mention "oh I heard from your sister and she's thinking of popping in too". I mean they might want to get in some extra cake.