Birthday gift for adult chilren who have everything!

Oh Gonegirl I agree. For me the giving is the best part of birthdays and Christmas - the surprise but also wanting to give someone something you’ve thought they’d like. Not giving for giving sake, but genuinely putting the recipient first. I buy gifts for people when I see the gift - something will make me think of them. Obviously if the recipient (family or friend) specifically states they would like x y or z then I am happy to do that. My DS is at a stage where he and DDIL have good incomes and very specific tastes re house, clothes etc. So I bought him a Lego kit for his birthday - there are kits for grown ups. Made him smile and on my last visit could see he had constructed it. It gave him an excuse to slow down ... presents not always about the tangible item.
As for booze, well better than a voucher which in turn us better than money in a card.

Hi, would a gift card for a restaurant chain for example, be well received. Eg. ASK, Wagamama, Cafe Rouge....or somewhere you know they might go to? It doesn’t have to cover the full cost of a meal. If you wanted to spend more, a magazine subscription is great because they do nothing except wait for it to come through the door! Or a membership to something according to interests and where they live, a museum say...For girls, a massage gift card maybe. Failing that you can get theatre tokens, or cinema gift cards. I don’t feel occasions are the time to be critical of the way they live, even though I know how it feels to have adult children who want for nothing and are too busy to think of a gift etc etc....For me as a mother, its more of a time, to acknowledge my love for them, so I usually try to find something they might use. As a last resort, I’ve put some cash in with their card and said...buy yourselves a meal or some drinks .... (You know they’ll at least spend that!)

Agree with other posters who say accept what they say and don’t worry about presents. Times have changed, many of our AC really can afford to buy what they want, and our taste and ideas are not theirs. Treat them as the grown ups they are now, not the children they once were.

If they like going to shows Theatre Tokens are fab as they can go and see what they like. M&S vouchers are good if they are busy folk, they can just buy something for their tea!

I believe every penny donated to Mary's Meals, goes directly to those in need.

I think people are also becoming more waste conscious so dont want tokens that wont get used.

That said I love when people spend time with me on my birthday or share a meal etc.

I would do what they say. A gift is for the recipient not to make the giver feel better. If they ask you to stop, and you dont, youre not doing it for them any more.

Vouchers are the worst. A waste as so many end up un used

Nowadays our grown up children buy whatever they want, whenever they want it.
If you don't feel happy just giving them a card, why not have a look on Groupon and buy them an experience/day out voucher? There is usually a few that aren't too expensive and then it will be up to them to organise themselves! For the females, find out if the hair salon/ beauty salon they go to does vouchers. If only for a manicure/pedicure it's a bit of "me "time for them!

A little warning about theatre vouchers. We were bought one as a present and found you can’t use them to buy tickets online, just at the box office. Not something we ever do these days.

I loved the idea of buying them a tree. I take out my adult sons individually about once a month for either a breakfast or a carvery lunch anyway. I take my adult dd out less often as she lives 130 miles a way but do so when ever I go down or she visits me. For their birthdays I put £40 in their bank accounts and send a card wishing them a Happy Birthday and please to choose themselves something they would like or put towards their holidays. One son does tell me what he would like and I ask him to choose it and put it in my basket on my Amazon account and then I pay for it. One of my sons also loves the adult Lego sets and does buy them for himself. He finds it therapeutic as is a big kid at heart. For Xmas I tell them to pick something for £100 and then I make up their stockings with bits I know they will use like pants, socks, chocolate, selection pack, toiletries they use, bits for their cars such as Star Wars air fresh etc.

A little warning about theatre vouchers. We were bought one as a present and found you can’t use them to buy tickets online, just at the box office. Not something we ever do these days.

Same but opposite issue with the high street vouchers you get in the post office. Most participating stores dont let you use them in physical stores, only online.

You might as well just throw money down the drain when you buy vouchers!

Companies make £££ out of unspent vouchers.

We live in the North of Scotland, my mother lived in London. Postage costs were high so we came to an arrange ment that I would buy myself something that I wanted, and she would do the same so we both got what was wanted/needed, even not so special every day things.

I cant understand some of these posts we take my MIl for a meal every Friday my husband see her 3 times a week and she comes on holiday with us once a year

I love the idea of tree planting Bradford lass

Another sad post, emphasising the last. Almost a continuation.
I can remember how happy I was as a child, wanting something desperately and saving for it out of bits of pocket money and odd jobs that I got penny's for. It was almost as good as having saved enough to buy the item. Things that don't come easy seem much more loved and worthwhile.
To hear people say we don't want anything for presents anymore because they have everything, I find sad because it denies the pleasure of giving of a present too. If you have everything, what else is there in life to strive for. Pity it's not elderly parents and their needs. I'm sure all AC will find time to clear houses out after the death of their parents and find time to spend the hard earned money as quick as a flash. I heard a tale recently, when one such AC, after benefiting from his late mother's will, went straight out and bought himself a brand new Mercedes car for 50k.
So no don't worry that they decline presents, save your money and treat yourself to a lovely meal out. You have done more than enough for them already. Feels good to get that off my chest. Feeling much better now. Thank you for listening and I hope my mood improves as the day goes on. I am waiting for both my son's presents to arrive today as they both have birthdays next week. What have I bought?An Alexa Dot for both of them.

Like doodle I think wine is a great idea if they do drink.
We have a son (and his partner) the other side of the world who are totally disinterested in gifts but I really really do feel the need to mark birthdays and Christmas.

We’ve bought 6 bottles of wine as a gift several times now and they both love it. We buy 2 bottles of a red Italian wine we know they had with us once and really loved - “expensive” wines (by our standards) and then fill the six up with straightforward easy-drinking wines as we please.

They regularly tell us when they’ve drunk the “lush” ones, and usually get a photo of raised glasses too. I confess it does make me feel closer.

I found a wine specialist online in New York and he ships the small case for a nominal fee. Obviously it’s not gift wrapped though!
Personally I think food/drink is a good way to go.
Good luck.

How about buying a goat/emergency toilet/a shelter kit/emergency pack or something similar in their names from Action Aid or a similar charity

Sorry paddyann I see you have already made this type of suggestion!

www.marysmeals.org.uk

I do like the look of this.

I love getting presents. It's still exciting and I am almost 68. I already have some in a pile and I look forward to opening them tomorrow.
I do a long amazon wishlist of varied prices for those who want to use it.

I love giving present too, but I think I would stop pronto, if anyone told me they didn't want presents!

They call it being honest, I have no doubt. I call it pretty d***m rude.

In your place I would use my money on someone or some charity that would appreciate it and buy myself a nice present too from my ungrateful children!

Agree with all saying that unwanted gifts are a pain to deal with - guilt for not being appreciated, and often clutter when we are all trying to minimise. If my daughter sees something at any time of the year that she genuinely knows I would appreciate (a Beatles tote bag a few years back) then she will buy it, but otherwise, time together is the best gift, i.e. going out for a meal with just her during my visit.

I have had the same problem with my gc. I now buy from Oxfam a toilet, a goat or clean water. They think its funny to get a toilet for Christmas.

My best friend ( who is older than me) asked me to stop buying her presents I was sad as I love giving but she’s right she’s not in need of anything and my gifts were just clogging her up and making her feel she needed to buy me something in return
So now I give her some flowers or some seeds out my garden or a painted pebble and told her she can make me a cake for my birthday (she’s a great cook)
I think you need to acknowledge what your child is asking you to do and either do something charitable in their name or bake them a cake like my friend it’s hard because it’s good to give but they don’t need or want it so go with them on this one
Grandtante they are not ungrateful they are being honest far better than accepting something that s not needed and won’t be used what’s the point in that

Donate to a charity in their name. I have done this before. It has gone down quite well.