Neighbour

You sound lovely. Can I come and live next to you?

Dont give and expect to receive Your neighbour in poor health (you sound very judgy about that btw) enjoys smoking in his own home /garden YES you are being unreasonable

My neighbour used to send her husband to smoke in the garden over by my fence and away from her kitchen on the other side. I did tell him how much I hated it and that the smell wafted into my home so he does now go and smoke at the bottom of the garden.

Next time you sit outside, burn some joss sticks! With any luck they might overpower the cigarette smoke! Stop being so friend,y, don’t enquire after his health - and definitely don’t give him any more cake, etc! Sod him! Miserable old bugger. Play some loud music next time you’re in the garden - to cheer yourself up and annoy him!!! xx

Thrilled to discover people who loathe the smell of barbecues. I thought it was just me. I'd rather have a chain smoking family of 5 next door to me than barbecue fans. Of which there are many. I have never understood why we seem to love this so much. It stinks. Absolutely stinks. And as for a fish barbecue which my semi veggie neighbours like .... that has me gagging. I have to enclose myself in the living room. Wasn't so bad when we had Wimbledon to watch.

When asked “How are you” I always politely respond with “very well, thank you” or perhaps a less enthusiastic “Not so bad, thanks”. I would never actually describe my well-being or lack of it. It’s just a form of greeting IMHO. I can’t really understand people who post about their aches and pains on Facebook either!!

Some people are nice, some people are really nice. Today I went in to the village to the co-op and saw mother duck and six ducklings waddling along the centre of the road, a huge lorry came trundling along, I held by breath as did several other people, but the lorry stopped, the driver (big beer belly, tattoos, skin head) got out and made sure she was safely on the pavement before going on his way.

Living on your own with no one but yourself to think about can make some people very self absorbed, even more so if in chronic pain.
Some people, not all obviously but in this case he is all about himself and apart from a cheery 'morning' and keeping an eye out incase you don't see him for a few days I'd leave him be and get on with your own life.
Maybe he's never been one for social niceties and doesn't plan on changing but he's partial to a piece of cake

Why do want to engage with this man? It is a waste of your time and energy unless you particularly want to be friends with him. Live and let live! As for the smoking - it is annoying for someone who doesn't smoke but we seem to have lost a lot of tolerance for this - when I was young everyone smoked everywhere. I remember having a cigarette in my hospital bed twenty minutes after my son (11lbs at birth so no, he wasn't affected by my smoking!!!) was born. There was an ashtray by my bed! I don't smoke any more, but how much does your neighbour smoke? You could always try lighting a barbecue in self defence!

I agree - he probably doesn’t care for being badgered about his sleeping habits night and day. Don’t give to receive - this applies in this context too.
As for the smoke - it soon dissipates, and I’m sure he’s not out there all day smoking - unlike my friggin’ neighbours who don’t smoke but who’s cats leave my garden knee deep in shite - all day every day.

If his health is that bad he probably won't be around for much longer! (Sounds callous but true.) Just don't have anything to do with him any more.

Annaraml I laughed out loud at your post . I understand how this can easily happen but it sound like he is living the dream if he thinks anyone is after him smokey old grump that he is .ha ha

H1954.agree with all other posts.be civil only to him.and invest in a very very large fan to keep smoke away from you.

Could be worse - we live in a rural area with farming smells at regular intervals - sometimes especially pungent! Sewage? Smoking is non PC nowadays but was fashionable when I was young, and once you are hooked it's not easy to stop. If the neighbour is unwell, the smoking probably helps him to relax. and cope with the pain.

Get on with your own life some people don't deserve your concern maybe he might miss your friendly manner if you withdraw it and who knows he might even ask you how you are .As for smoke I can imagine how annoying it is I can only suggest burning a one of those outdoor candles you use to keep insects away when you want to eat outside.

I'm with Kim19 on this. I hate barbecue smells too.
As a vegetarian the smell of "burning flesh" (which incidentally goes on for hours in the warmer months) is something I just have to live with - I wouldn't want to spoil my neighbour's pleasure. I don't like cigarette smoke either but an odd cigarette is better than a whole summer of meat fumes to me!

I think I would just be civil, nothing else. Sadly some people have no manners or social graces and do not seem to understand that conversation is a two way process. I am of an age that if people don't ask after me or my family I don't bother with them any more, life is too short to put up with bad manners and I prefer to spend my time with my lovely friends who do seem to be interested in me just as much as I love to hear about them and their families.

We have a similar problem, well my DH sees it as a problem, we have a garden with a little river between us and the neighbours on the other side, one neighbour likes to have a little fire each day and warms a kettle over this ( I think he just likes to do this,they have electricity but its a gimmick for him I think) my Husband goes mad every time he sees the smoke, he doesnt even have to smell it, he is up in arms and moans to me,I did suggest he speaks to the man,he did this and the man hasnt lit the fire so often, but I dont feel we can go over and demand he doesnt light the fire, he isnt actually disturbing anyone (except my Husband) I feel this problem will never go away.The smoke rarely comes over to us, and he isnt smoking,I would rather be friends than enemies over such a matter.

Ditto, I have a " freind " I do the same now .

What an awful Man,I really sympathise with you on this .
Unfortunately ciggerette smoke is not good or nice & if he is in the garden atvthe samw time unavoidable I'd think .
We have far worse in the way of Marijuana smoke ! From next door ,I am aware the neighbour has a debilitating illness but nonegthe leas its not nice , it also permeats into our under stairs Cupboard. We are also privvy to other neighbour using the same at times.
Is say one cigarette is'nt too bad .Sit far away from the source .Make uourself a cosy place in the Sun our of his line of smoke.
Re his asking after your health. rant away. He is downright rude . Out of order.i wouldn't bother asking again.
I have a longtime friend. who always always tells me of every ache& pain ( ahe has many) & while I can empathize I no longer want to hear it , its always thw first things she says .Along with the Drs,GPs ,Consultants discussions ver battem !
I kid you not , And I dont even need to ask thw question. Its very rare I am afforded the same. I dont bother telling her any ails etc.
In fact I can time a whole conversation with her self (health)obsessed convo !!
Just get in first, or don't ask at all .!@

The cigarette smoke would irritate me too. But realistically I'm afraid he's entitled to smoke in his own garden. I think you perhaps should realise he's your neighbour, not your friend. And not everyone is as sociable and friendly as you presumably are. I also think you could have a far worse neighbour than yours - most of us have heard or know of someone who has the neighbours from hell.

ah! neighbourliness, disappeared as far as I can see.

I am old enough to remember how it used to be,, I live in a small close, you would think neighbourly? I have tried with at least two of my same age neighbours, but no reciprication!
the most we get is a Good morning if and when we meet, cars ruin neighbourliness for one..
the most I have got our neighbours to be "friendly" is exchanging Christmas cards, which my husband and I instigated.

smoking, I always say it is easy for me to criticize, cos I have never smoked, by husband was smoking at a very early age, people were told to smoke back then.. not so easy to stop the habit/addiction

but yes, I insisted some time back he didn`t smoke in the house, we have a shed, small (modern) garden, and I don`t smell the smoke then..
but when I am walking out, in the streets, I can smell smoke some way away..

Good luck with trying to change someone elses "manners"
we are all different

H1954

I just wonder if as a widower he thinks you are after him?
Perhaps you should stop being so nice to him. He doesn't deserve your attention.

I don't mind a bit if neighbours don't ask after my welfare. I would undoubtedly reply with a 'fine thanks' as I have no intention of sharing my non obvious limitations with anyone other than family and even then I am scant with information. Who needs it other than ourselves?

My problem is with lovely neighbour's who put on their barbecue every evening after work. I have to remember to rush around closing all the windows as the burning smell is quite awful. If I forget, I have a quick check to be sure that there's no fire in the house. I've never broached it with them because it obviously gives them a great deal of pleasure. I'm trying to adopt 'live and let live' but freely admit it sometimes irritates me but, when it does, I have a serious word with myself!!

I had a friend from work who , whenever we met for coffee or lunch , just talked ' at me ' about her health problems and grandchildren and their problems.....never one did she ask about me or my health or family ....she did the same to another of our friends . It got me down so much , I decided that she was just using me to sound off against and stopped meeting her ....no loss really .
Just say a cheery hallo and don't ask about his health . I'd also mention the smoke to him .....but then I'm like that and it gets me into trouble ???good luck xxx