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(8 Posts)
mary294 Thu 25-Jul-19 16:45:07

Today 16:10 mary294

I would appreciate some independent advice
I practically brought my granddaughter without any financial support from her parents my son and dil and that's was fine but in February she engineered a row with me packed up some bin bags and moved out turns out she had a boyfriend she was practically living with from the minute they met lying to saying she was revising for A levels with a friend anyway my son phoned me up with 4 very abusive phone calls I put the phone down on him 4 times he was so nasty and abusive it's unbelievable how nasty he was he said it was because I had sent abusive texts to my granddaughter but that's not what was ranting about.
I left everything alone because I realised granddaughter was probably lying about me that's what teenagers do she's 18 by the way and ditched her A levels which were 3 science
Anyway my husband has dementia and on his birthday nothing from my son so I texted him and asked him to text or call his dad and he started on me again with the abuse I didn't respond I was busy and can't text fast enough so I phoned him more abuse nasty abuse
I crashed my car wrote it off 2 weeks ago he lives nearby the accident was near my home I was taken to hospital, he never came near never phoned to see how I was nothing I was totally on my own due to my husband's illness. I have been falling over for a while had some broken disc broken rib and serious bruising. I had a really bad fall on Tuesday I thought I had broken my hips I ended up in hospital again and not a word from him it was horrible being on my own with no support from him my granddaughter is the only one who offered support

Now my daughter is calling me and telling me I should just phone him carry on like nothing has happened but I'm so hurt it's unbelievable how nasty he has been to me I've supported him through drug abuse stealing from me cash and goods jewellery ect
I have supported them through financial crisis after financial crisis it's hard to make this short but I can't pick up the phone like nothing has happened not after leaving me on my own in two life threatening events am I wrong wasn't that very cruel to not contact me or come to see me in the hospital he hasn't seen his father since new years eve, my husband was at his house picking up granddaughter and dil phoned him to say his dad was there and come and see him he said he was too busy I don't want to throw my daughter's efforts back in her face but I can't pretend nothing has happened I feel there's depths of nastiness you don't do and leaving your mother alone at those times is beyond belief to me, I'm sorry for the long post he was aware of the accident and the last fall through my granddaughter I don't know what to do everything inside me tells me he should have come to me on both occasions

wildswan16 Thu 25-Jul-19 16:56:19

Your granddaughter used to live with you, but recently left suddenly and moved in with her boyfriend.

Your husband has dementia. Your son doesn't keep in contact with you or your husband.

You recently had a car accident and a fall without any contact or help from your son.

It sounds like you and your son have a troubled relationship for quite a long time. Yes, it would have been kind for him to be in touch with you, but there are clearly issues which are preventing him.

Maybe you need to step back for a little while, let things settle down and then approach him again. I'm not sure whether he and your DIL are still together - are you in contact with her at all? Maintain your relationship with your daughter and hopefully things will improve within the family.

mary294 Thu 25-Jul-19 17:49:54

Thanks for the replys no we have a troubled relationship we got on great thats why I'm totally blindsided by this what he's done hurts so much it's a physical pain it's horrible to think that underneath what looked like a great relationship there was this much hatred

mary294 Thu 25-Jul-19 17:51:54

Plus my daughter is pushing me to phone him and carry on like nothing has happened

quizqueen Thu 25-Jul-19 18:28:29

You more you do for family, the more selfish and less grateful they often become, I'm afraid, especially if drugs are involved.

mary294 Thu 25-Jul-19 19:02:23

Quizqueen I think youve hit the nail on the head he expects everything he even started a discussion with me about him getting the house when I die

mary294 Thu 25-Jul-19 19:04:04

I have stepped back but my daughter is pushing me to phone him

mary294 Thu 25-Jul-19 19:06:38

He is totally clear of drugs now and still married but I don't think it's fair to involve my dil