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Rude Friend.

(20 Posts)
Framilode Sat 27-Jul-19 10:24:23

A couple of weeks ago we drove 100 miles to have Sunday lunch with some very old friends. We have known them fór óvér 50 yéárs ánd, thóúgh wé dón't hávé thát múch ín cómmón nów, hávé álwáys stáyéd ín tóúch ánd méét úp péríóícálly.

Ánywáy, wé hád á pléásánt lúnch ánd thén Í hélpéd hér cléár úp. Áftér wé hád wáshéd úp (nó díshwáshér) shé thén stártéd tó dísmántlé thé óvén ánd spént thé néxt hóúr ánd á hálf cléáníng ít. By thé tímé shé hád fíníshéd ít wás prétty múch tímé fór ús tó léávé. Í wás fúmíng ánd réálly dón't wánt tó bé bóthéréd ágáín.

Dóés ányóné élsé thínk thís ís rúdé, ór ís ít júst mé?

Framilode Sat 27-Jul-19 10:25:12

Sórry ábóút áll thésé márks thát hávé súddénly áppéáréd. Dón't hávé á clúé whát's háppénéd.

Maybelle Sat 27-Jul-19 10:33:15

It seems very strange behaviour. Was anything mentioned by you or her about why the oven needed to be cleaned at that point ?

Poppyred Sat 27-Jul-19 10:38:47

Does she have the beginning of dementia maybe or worsening OCD? I would forgive and forget, it sounds as if somethings going on there.

WadesNan Sat 27-Jul-19 10:39:01

Reminds me of an aunt - she was a wonderful cook but whenever we visited dreaded her offering cake because if one crumb was dropped on the floor she would get out the carpet sweeper then and there and do the entire floor - made us feel so uncomfortable.

Hope she didn't expect you to help cleaning the oven! Is she particularly houseproud?

Witzend Sat 27-Jul-19 10:44:25

Seriously odd behaviour!
If it were me, I might be wondering about very early signs of dementia.

Re the marks, it looks as if you've somehow accidentally enabled an acute accent on every e. There must be a way to turn it off - I'm sure someone will know how to do it. I only have an iPad now so can't advise in the case of a laptop, if that's what you're using.

EllanVannin Sat 27-Jul-19 10:56:11

My ex-SiL was like that, not altogether welcoming. Shoes left at the front door then inside the show-home perched on the end of the chair in case the cushion got ruffled. It got that way that I was scared to eat in case anything dropped off the fork or there was a splash from the jug of water.

Lovely food, but to be scared of " tucking in " took the edge off the enjoyment of it, especially if it was a posh buffet. I couldn't live like that, or with anyone who lives like that either. Mum and myself would get back to her house and demolish a plate of fish and chips !

EllanVannin Sat 27-Jul-19 11:01:32

Hahahaha, at the same house which was covered in security pads, when I used to stay there I was frightened to go to the bathroom in case I trod on one of the pads somewhere and used to be in agony wanting to go. It was horrible. I was always glad to hear my brother getting up early for work.

Nortsat46 Sat 27-Jul-19 11:10:55

Hi, that behaviour sounds odd and a bit obsessive/compulsive rather than rude to me.
If it's her usual behaviour then you may have to just accept it as part of her (though I can quite see how tiresome it must have been). If it's unusual behaviour I would be concerned about her mental wellbeing.
Perhaps the next Sunday lunch should be in a restaurant, then no one has to deal with the washing up or the oven.🙂

mcem Sat 27-Jul-19 11:28:19

Recently I've thought that my sister was becoming more and more rude - constantly changing the subject and interrupting others.
However, she has now been diagnosed with significant hearing loss which I think explains her behaviour.
Perhaps you do need to look beyond rudeness.

Framilode Sat 27-Jul-19 11:41:13

Thanks for the replies. She has always been very houseproud but now I think she has gone overboard. I could see her husband was embarrassed whilst this was going on.

I will think about your replies, maybe there is something happening with her mental health.

Thanks everyone. I must say as she has become more houseproud I have become more slovenlysmile

annsixty Sat 27-Jul-19 11:44:46

Yes look beyond rudeness but don’t condone that behaviour.
My mother was exactly like that.
When we visited for the weekend we would hardly be out of our beds on Sunday morning before the beds were stripped.
She wore “working” clothes as soon as she got up and never changed until mid-afternoon so even Sunday lunch was eaten in those ,then after the cooker had been thoroughly cleaned she would go upstairs, wash and change.
It was her routine and nothing was allowed to change it.
It was uncomfortable for my H and C, I was used to it but y embarrassed by it.
Our visits became less frequent for weekends, we took to going for the day and taking her out for lunch..

GoodMama Sat 27-Jul-19 13:21:50

I would be concerned, not offended, if this is been behavior.

Perhaps check in with her and her husband a little more frequently to see how they are doing and to offer kindness and support.

janeainsworth Sat 27-Jul-19 13:35:30

Did you say anything Framilode?

Like, “”Oh do come and sit down. The oven can wait, can’t it?”

If you’ve known someone for 50 years surely you would/could say something?

fizzers Sat 27-Jul-19 13:35:49

I wouldn't be offended by her behaviour, I would be concerned that cleaning /OCD is taking over her life, I expect she is more than likely aware of it too, perhaps have a word with the husband? sounds like she may need some sort of help with this

Hetty58 Sat 27-Jul-19 13:44:05

Framilode, my mother was always rather like that, having OCD. As adults, when she invited us it always sent her into cleaning 'overdrive' and she just couldn't stop. It made us feel very unwanted, neglected and frightened of dropping a single crumb!

Pantglas1 Sat 27-Jul-19 15:31:26

I don’t understand. An hour and a half to clean the cooker?If she was that houseproud the oven would only have needed a wipe with a damp cloth wouldn’t it?

Hetty58 Sat 27-Jul-19 15:45:10

I think the cleaning is an avoidance tactic. Perhaps she is underconfident about just sitting and chatting, socially embarrassed and scared that she'll have nothing much to talk about. Therefore, she fills that frightening void of the remaining visit time with something familiar and comforting.

Mum was much better if we could just get her out, even into the garden. Bear in mind that she may not be able to help her behaviour if unwell. Make future meet ups on neutral ground, though.

Hetty58 Mon 05-Aug-19 22:38:40

Today I met an old friend who also gives the impression of being very rude. If there's any gap in the conversation she starts to sing quietly to herself. I first became aware of it (and irritated) when we happened to meet on a tube train and she sang all the way home. Very, very odd - she can't tolerate silence - but I know that she had a breakdown, so self-comforting behaviour again I think.

RosieLeah Tue 06-Aug-19 07:18:38

You helped with the washing-up, perhaps she was hoping you would help clean the oven too?