I think we all have to accept that MaternityLeave has had 14 years of experience of this family.
Up to now, she's kept the peace, been a good daughter-in-law (even though they jeopardised her and DH wedding) and still wants to be, despite their shenanigans.
I think this is admirable actually.
Now, along comes a precious baby and they see another lever to add to the terminal illness.
Under no circumstances, even if she had expert nurses on hand, should a lady who is dying, have care of a small child.
She's not going to get any better and her carers will have their hands full with all the necessary (and perhaps unpleasant) tasks which terminal illness brings.
This little fellow is 8 months old and in the blink of an eye will be walking and getting about the place - in a non-childproof home. If the carer has no children, is she on the alert for an active child who may grab medication or be hurt by equipment?
Is this really the right environment for a growing, curious toddler?
His Daddy planned for childcare before his birth, his Mummy wants childcare and that is by far the best environment for him as he grows and seeks to learn about his world.
He needs to be with people who know, love and are alert and trained for little hands, and quick wits, and running toddler feet. He needs to be in an entirely SAFE environment.
So my view is this MaternityLeave: sit down with your husband tell him he was right in the first place to pay in to the voucher scheme.
Ask him to see the long view and that his mother's care really needs to be first on the list with the carers in that house.
Just as your son's welfare has to be a priority in yours.
Say you would like to present a united but loving front to his family (after all, you have proved you care about them, even if you don't much like them) for well over a decade.
You are prepared to take your son, well supervised for regular visits and outings with grandmama as long as she can manage it.
Don't let this turn into a battle which drives a wedge between you and your husband. Despite not liking your mil, you obviously want to be fair to her and your husband will value that. Now and much later.
I can see how DH will want his mother, on borrowed time, to see as much of her grandson as possible, but you are not preventing that, just doing what is clearly best for your little boy. It's a compromise all need to accept.
I hope it all works out.
MaternityLeave Sat 03-Aug-19 01:10:54
BradfordLass72 Mon 05-Aug-19 00:59:59
Starlady Mon 05-Aug-19 00:38:22
Namsnanny Mon 05-Aug-19 00:20:17
Starlady Mon 05-Aug-19 00:15:26
Starlady Mon 05-Aug-19 00:08:47
Callistemon Sun 04-Aug-19 23:19:01
Hithere Sun 04-Aug-19 19:53:47
MissAdventure Sun 04-Aug-19 19:09:27
Callistemon Sun 04-Aug-19 18:50:34
BlueBelle Sun 04-Aug-19 18:46:37
Callistemon Sun 04-Aug-19 18:36:11
agnurse Sun 04-Aug-19 18:17:56
notanan2 Sun 04-Aug-19 17:25:11
Nonnie Sun 04-Aug-19 14:19:25
quizqueen Sun 04-Aug-19 13:35:13
notanan2 Sun 04-Aug-19 13:11:43
Slowcookervegan Sun 04-Aug-19 12:52:35
notanan2 Sun 04-Aug-19 12:50:38
knickas63 Sun 04-Aug-19 12:48:19
paddyann Sun 04-Aug-19 12:45:32
notanan2 Sun 04-Aug-19 12:04:13
MissAdventure Sun 04-Aug-19 11:49:07
Callistemon Sun 04-Aug-19 11:42:50
fizzers Sun 04-Aug-19 10:43:56
Nonnie Sun 04-Aug-19 10:18:22