In law issue... childcare

IMO it is unreasonable of any parent/parent in law to think it is their right to have a grandchild in their care on their terms. It is the sole responsibility and decision of the parents to decide who looks after their child.

Grandparents had their time of raising a family and presumably raised capable adults who now have the right to dictate how their children are raised and cared for.

If OP's MIL is terminally ill then one has to ask if she is fit to have the charge of an 8 month old baby.

* my respect for in laws has gone and my dislike grown* It certainly shows in your post You make you husband sound very weak, is he? Or is he trying to deal with a dying mum and a worried upset dad, is he trying to juggle balls to keep both families happy ?
How can a dying lady offer five afternoons childcare?
You gave in over the house and are a very angry lady because you did, you sound as if you are determined to never get railroaded into anything again
I think you have made your mind up and your baby will not be going to the parents afternoon care, I can understand this but do be prepared for big injuries to your marriage, as your husband tries to appease his parents. He is torn into two, although of course his loyalty should be with you and his son but the fact his mum has a limited time left has pulled him unless of course he’s a mummy’s boy who has always done what his parents expect and never really ‘left’ them only you know that
Stick to your guns but be kind not angry in how you do it

Yes I wonder how she will manage daily childcare whilst being so ill?

You say you moved there because of MIL having a terminal illness - but she is intending to look after your child ? So she has had a miraculous recovery .

It is not necessary to live on the same street to be able to share time together. We lived over 100 miles away from my GPs when GF was dying and we still saw them regularly.

If this is how the ILs behave, I wouldn't let my child alone with them for an hour, let alone an afternoon. They are trying to destroy their son's marriage by inserting themselves into it.

YANBU, OP. Sometimes people manage to grow up to be decent human beings in SPITE of what their parents did, rather than because of it.

Namsnanny
Maybe i don't fully understand the “human need” aspect. Thank you for sharing your views.

Namsnany
Does closeness with your loved ones at time of death not include regular weekly visits? Days out initiated and organised by me to ensure mil, fil and dh have fond memories? That i can then share with my son when he is older? Does closeness mean forcing house purchase or child care arrangements? Causing son to be torn? I have not made my decision as to how far i will go to ensure my childcare preferences are respected.

Maternityleave…….Read your original post and the reply to Paddyann back to yourself.

I think you will find you have made your mind up and answered your own question.

I would have thought that the one time you would want to be close to your family was if or when you were dying.

That's not manipulation, its human need.

I wonder how you would feel in that situation?

Best of luck

Hi Paddyann
Thank you for your reply.

Firstly i dont hate my in laws. I do not respect them so much or like them due to their emotional blackmail re house purchase on same road. Is it unreasonable for me to feel resentment especially as DH knew exactly what house we wanted but were both pressured because of mils illness. Does terminal illness justify such conduct? I refuse to be manipulated again re my sons childcare. Again dh and i agreed that a nursery would be best. He even paid into work childcare vouchers whilst i was pregnant off his own accord. Thus demonstrating our joint parenting approach. Suddenly he has changed his mind.

Surely they cant be that bad if they raised the man you love and who is the father of your child? I dont understsand all these posts about DIL's hating inlaws,I have been a DIL for 44 years and I love my MIL dearly.That is not to say we haven't had issues in the past BUT she's a wonderful GM to our children and GGM to our grandchildren.I thinkyou need to sit down with your husband THEIR son and discuss this its his child too and he must have some say in how he's raised.I have a SIL and a dil and I would be horrified if they thought like this about me ESPECIALLY if I had a terminal illness .