.. to wonder what happened to manners?

grandMattie I'd see that as kindness and compassion - underrated qualities. They go along with consideration for others. Call it manners if you will, but manners implies something expected of us whereas kindness and compassion, I feel, come from within, from the heart.
We need more of all of it.

Oh I love that felice very apposite

How about table manners? I saw a girl eating a steak in a nice restaurant while holding her phone in one hand. She speared the steak, held it aloft and began chewing the end. It put me off my meal.

Really bad manners do stay with you. Years ago I saw an older lady in a till queue knock over a display. A little boy nearby immediately started to help her pick them up, and she was very grateful. Cue (rough as owt) mum stomping round the corner, shouting at him for picking them up, when he didn't drop them. He looked so bewildered.

All sorts of retorts came to mind well after the event. I wish I'd said I was glad he went to a good school, where they obviously taught him to be kind. Perhaps he had a nice grandma, who knows?

Last Sunday on a London bus sitting in the seats marked for those less able to stand. As I got up to leave a woman told her son, who was about 11-12 years old, to sit down. I smiled at the woman and asked if I could ask a question. She said OK so I asked her why she had told him to sit there while she and other sdults were standing. She smiled and said that he was clumsy. The said boy was happily leaning in the departure area playing on his phone. Now this habit of mother putting her child on the seats while she stands really bugs me. At least she could sit and put a small child on her knee. Mothers do not seem to do this anymore. When I was a child on tram or bus children always gave their seats up to older people. This lack of thought has lead to me having to ask politely if I can sit down when it is occupied by young people who ignore the icons about the seats being for old, pregnant women or disabled people. Consideration and manners seem to have disappeared on London Transport. I always feel good when I can help others and I always thank people who help me.

Yes - and if you are having a 'fragile' day - rudeness - even though it is rarely targeted and is just the inadequacy of the person being rude - can feel personal and upsetting. I've had days when someone chucking my change on the counter rather than putting it in my outstretched hand has made me almost weepy (I'm not a weeper). I do think the best response often is to be even more polite. A friend once said to me - keep your own standards whatever else is happening.
Sometimes it doesn't work. I was once walking down the street (no one ever seems to give way to me on the pavement and I am the one who ends up dodging and swerving - I ended up shoved into a wall because three men taking up the pavement walking towards me just didn't give an inch. I asked the guy who shouldered me, where on earth he thought I was going to go if he didn't move. He looked at the wall and me as if he were looking at an alien. One of this friends apologised for him!!!

I agree Tonkatol

any age , any generation, any circumstances, we can`t label

but I wonder if responding in an abrupt/rude manner really sets the tone....? though I can be guilty of that..

and car manners! it goes on!

gonegirlI think it's very unfair to say it's generational I know some very polite younger people and some very rude older one. You get rude and polite people in all ages.

I'm memorising Felice's brilliant response!!

I am reading this thread and it is making me smile. Some of the posts are realistic, others less so.

I totally disagree that manners is an age or generation problem, it is down to individuals. I am 50, have children in their mid twenties and my youngest is nearly 13. Nowadays I am in a wheelchair when out of the house.

During school holidays, it means that if my 12 year old DD and I go out, she will be pushing me in a wheelchair. Now that really does give you an eye-opener into manners. She politely says "Excuse me" if she is trying to get past people and will wait for others to come through a door before attempting to push me through. However, the number of people who totally ignore her is astounding. She is quite accepting of it, whereas I get far more wound up by the ignorance of some.

However, it is not consistent with any age group, just dependent on whether a person is paying attention to what is going on or whether they are too wrapped up in their own world to be aware of their surroundings. I have had people ask my DD if she needs any help and I have seen others, when we are waiting to view something, stand right in front of the wheelchair, so I can neither see or be moved. Either way, age does not seem to be a factor in the thoughtfulness of people.

On a different note, my 24 year old DD gets frustrated by the attitude, usually by the "elder" generation, that the younger generation are rude and lack manners. All four of my children have been brought up with manners and yet, however polite they are, people will still blame the "younger generation" for everything, when it is not the case at all.

Not just the young folk, old folk too. Maybe we have less in the way of polite pleasantries, but thank heavens that we don't have the dreadful racism and sexism we used to have now that was bad manners on steroids, no blacks, no Irish, people refusing to work with Pepe of a different race, being dreadfully rude about Catholics or poor people.
Certainly being pleasant to people makes life better for all. My grandfather in-law was shockingly badmannered, to me and also to others, he sometimes used to tell anecdotes meant to amuse about things he'd done or said to people in the past, shocking some things, he said. His daughter inherited the self-centred selfish and thoughtless streak. Dreadfully ill-mannered and it made visits or visiting very unpleasant. Difficult to know what to do in such a situation as I was brought up to treat people politely but in fairness had never come across people so personally rude, supposed I was just not prepared with how to deal with people like that. But people on the outside thought him a sweet old man
I knew someone who said of manners that the best way of describing good manners was behaving in a way that didn't upset people or make them feel uncomfortable, to treat them as you'd wish to be treated
As for the manners if the youth of today it was ever thus, there are some very contemporary quotations from previous centuries here
historyhustle.com/2500-years-of-people-complaining-about-the-younger-generation/

I'm also someone who calls out bad manners, very loudly..... if I'm barged (especially as I walk with a stick) I will say 'just bash into me, its absolutely fine, don't worry about it ' or similar. 'Do you mind' often works too. At the moment my home town is MOBBED with tourists. I have tried to avoid it but I took dgd out there yesterday. I know I've had enough when I start growling at people.

When someone fails to say thank you, when I (or my grandsons) hold the door open for them, I find my own age group and above to be the worst culprits

Well, I brought my children up so that manners were second nature to them. My son, who still stays at home, always says thank you when he gets his dinner etc. and please if he asks for anything.

My 4 year old grandson also always says please and thank you. Funnily enough my daughter was just telling me, that at his other grandparents’ house last week, his nana asked him to go and get something without saying please. He had turned to her and said “manners nana, you should say please”. I did laugh, although despite being correct, if I had spoken to my grandparents like that I would have received a slap!

She sounded so rude and entitled.......an odd remark surely!

Not all children are rude. I know a lot of young children and some not so young who have beautiful manners. My own DGC have lovely manners so please do not generalise. You should have reprimanded the children if they bumped into you.

Some years ago I was just leaving my house and nearly bumped into my neighbour's two sons, aged about 10 and 12. "Hello," I said. They just looked at me and went on, So I ran in front of them and said loudly "I SAID HELLO!" They looked a bit scared and sheepishly said "Hello."

Can’t stand rude ppl. No need for it.

Hear, hear, Buster. I have an acquantance who decided that at 80 he was entitled to be as rude and obnoxious as he fancied! he is horrible!

It not just the younger generation , it's the older generation too . I just think people have become so selfish and they only think of them selfs . People seemed to demand respect these days . You can't demand respect you have to earn it . My daughter works in a supermarket and the older generation speak to the staff , like there something there scraped of there shoes . I think this country needs to take a good look at itself .

I've given up on experiencing any manners when out. It's everyone for themself nowadays. Being courteous is basically ridiculed by those younger than us GNs. We have too much time on our hands that's why we bother with manners whilst the younger folk are too much in a hurry being short of time working, childcare and of course keeping in touch via mobiles, so I gave been informed by some young females. Parents are too busy to teach manners and its not the schools role to teach them either only to apply them. I do expect and instil manners in ny GC but feel I have list the battle at times even with them. Enjoyed the responses some GNs have used, will need to practise a few!!

"Manners maketh man" my Grandma always used to tell me. One can only hope this young woman was having an off day, probably school holidays syndrome. DH and I were passing a young mum struggling to get her pushchair into the car and we helped and she was so grateful and thanked us several times so not everyone the same I am glad to say. Three little ones in the car thought highly amusing mum was struggling!

I think, to be fair to the youth of today, they are a mixed bag. I have come across plenty of youths and young children who have impeccable manners and are lovely. But have come across plenty who are the opposite. One thing that does irritate me - there are various ads on tv where a young child runs to an adult and is handed something which the child takes and runs off without even a thank you. Not a good example.

Thank you grandMattie. We need to hear of more happenings like this.

Perhaps we should have another thread: Thank you for good manners.

I had the exact opposite experience yesterday. I was coming home from Bristol and realised I had lost my train ticekts. I did, however have the receipt. Uncharacteristically in floods of tears, I went to the ticket counter and incoherently explained my predicament. I was met with kindness and courtesy; given a travel pass, a free bottle of water and LOADS of lovely kind words. Thanks you Bristol Railway Station!

Both my grandchildren ( aged 9 and 3 ) have been brought up to use please and thank-you appropriately. If they forget then the item they are hoping for/receiving is withheld until they remember, which is almost instantly, can't think why!
When I was working (now retired) as a Deputy Head of a large primary school, the children (in the main) were very well mannered at school because it was expected- the same children sometimes spoke very differently to their mum/dad/family member, and were very rarely chastised regarding it- and a few times I had to interject and remind the children concerned about manners and how we show respect to others...expectation has a lot to do with it.