.. to wonder what happened to manners?

One of the reasons we moved into our village twenty years ago was that on a recce some teenagers greeted us and we felt welcome, we signed up immediately and not regretted it 20 years later.

On holiday, my DH and I were walking down a footpath on the edge of a town. We saw three young boys of about ten coming towards us on bicycles, not together but with about ten yards between each. They were moving quite fast and the path was narrow so we stood to one side to let them pass. Each one said a loud `thank you` and smiled as they rode past.
We were so impressed that we wrote it in our holiday diary when we returned to the campsite. We have thought very well of that town ever since!

Not sure this is about "generations" though. Walking the South Downs Way DH and I stopped and held gate open at Devils Dyke for a group of 4 - all in their 70's I'd say and walking fairly slowly and carefully. All 4 walked through ignoring us completely then one bumped the edge of the gate, looked up and tutted at my husband!! Hmmm

Tedber - It was me who said to be careful. The children were what I could call 'nan-blind' and didn't care who they barged into but they weren't the problem - it was the cow of a mother who was with them.

I've seen some spectacularly rude older people , with a great sense of entitlement and on the other hand some delightful,polite youngsters.Tbh some people have no manners whatever generation they are.
Having said that my jaw dropped the other day whilst I was parked waiting for DH to sort something in the post office.A 30 something man roared up in a flashy car ,completely mounted the pavement outside the PO ,parking fully across it.Leapt out and went into a nearby shop.No concerns for pedestrians, mum's with buggies ,mobility scooter users.Selfish in the extreme,and there was a car park with spaces next door.
I was hunting for a post it to stick on his windscreen but he reappeared and did a furious Uturn and sped off.
DH came out and said there had been a very rude elderly woman in the PO,however,queue barging and talking to the staff like dirt !

Reading through this thread, it does sound as if certain people are just looking out for instances of what they consider bad manners so that they can deliver one of their sarcastic responses (or even a printed card - sheesh!). If you you go around antipating bad manners and delivering smart put-downs, isn't that .... well, just a tad bad-mannered?

I've noticed "please" and "thank you's" seem to be slowly disappearing as well.

Hair raising stories these!! Some of them definitely ring bells and I am horrified by others.

I hope my DC and DGC are sufficiently aware to be well mannered but there are bound to be times when you don't notice someone.

2 stories come to mind. One was from DM. My DSister was aged about 2 and having a tantrum in a store in London because she wasn't being allowed to play on a rocking horse. In came the Dowager Queen Mary, (in those days Royals were free to do normal things). She gave such a withering look to my DS who immediately stopped her tantrum.

My other when I was about 8 months pregnant on a busy commuter train, I had to stand the entire way for at least an hour, with an aching back. I was the only woman and not one of the men thought to give up their seat to me. This was 50 yrs ago.

I have often wondered whether that hadn't noticed I was pregnant or were unused to giving up their seats. Either way I had a very sore back and was furious.

So ill manners are nothing new!

PAPERBACKWRITER (that was my first ever single bought) I am just wondering if you are being a tad over reactive in this situation? You say you stopped and the kids barged past but one said "be careful"? Sounds like it wasn't intentional? Maybe you made some sort of comment that made the adult defensive? Just wondering. Kids will be kids and admittedly like bulls in china shops but so long as it isn't intentional is there any reason to be so angry? I am assuming you were not hurt here in any way?

But then you have thos ridiculous adverts- with the woman standing up in the tube, and no-one gives up their seat and she finally says 'YES' - so proud she looks too young- and those who would be most upset and offended if anyone gave up their seat for them. How are kids, and actually, men - supposed to know what to do. Damned if they do, damned if they don't.

So the question was “what happened to good manners?” Happily I should like to report that they are still alive and well but sadly we do tend to pick up on the exceptions to the rule. Only yesterday a young man (20s) gave up his seat for me at a bus stop and I encountered no bad manners on my outing to town. I often do (encounter bad manners) but the good definitely outweigh the bad. And I have to say that more often than not the bad manners come from the older generations and not the young. Keep smiling!

Miepl, when more people take responsibility for helping less able people there will be good manners. You did well.

On a bus the other day where nobody had pinched my wheelchair spot. Bus stops outside major supermarket, five yoofs crowd on, followed by several elderly people. Yoofs sit in spaces reserved and clearly marked for elderly etc. Teacher behind looks like he wants to be somewhere else, all yoofs are speaking French. Me (after 15 years living in France) 'get out of those seats immediately! They are for the 3rd age people and you are clearly not.' Never seen such surprised yoofs!

It's rather like when a child gets on a bus accompanied by a parent and they're actually allowed to stand on the seats.

Don't dare to say anything - a rude riposte from the parent would be the least response given the soaring knife-crime rate.

After all, we only get one chance at life......

I'm learning that if someone starts a post with AIBU, that the answer - from me, anyway, is going to be 'yes'!! I think life's too short for all that negativity and spending time and energy on perceived trivial slights in a supermarket. I'm sorry if that upsets people....

No doubt heard before but my response to those bad mannered kids would have been 'where's the fire'?.

@RosieLeah

Well it’s your generation that have brought up their parents!!

This thread is ridiculous bad manners are inexcusable but I’ve seen far more ill mannered older adults than I have young people.

That's the me me me generation. Look it up on the net and youtube.

The line.. I can move out of your way but you’ll always be rude..springs to mind...

In M&S this morning it was just our turn at the till. The assistant at the next till got up, leaned right across me and grabbed a handful of carrier bags from beside our till. Not a word was said. He then sat back down. Our assistant looked startled but said nothing. The other assistant was an older man.

I’m the same with the withering look, I haste bad manners. If I open a shop door and hold it open for someone else... and they don’t say ‘thank you’ I say it for them..... VERY LOUDLY!!!

My mother used to say ‘sorry if I’m Invisible’

I'm afraid many children are being brought up to think that they come first in any social situation. I'm amazed how they walk in front of me when I'm obviously an old lady hobbling with a gammy leg; how they stand in shop entrances and impede access. Last week I was making my way down a narrow path, obviously with difficulty, when a young male runner ran straight for me and I had to side step to avoid a collision. When I remonstrated with him he ignored me completely. Do Gransnetters think that were I a busty young blonde rather than a crone he would have treated me the same?

I do remember once having a meal out with the whole family, and feeling so proud when the ladies at a nearby table came over to congratulate us on how beautifully behaved my DGC had been. Just as the one year old picked up a fork and launched it at me, neatly skimming it past my ear.

I was taught, Manners maketh the man. I am always polite but am frequently surprised how some people do not say please or thankyou, but stare at their phones when talking to you. It only takes a minute to be courteous and it makes such a difference, a few kind words. If and when I get the bus though, the majority of people thank the driver.