Empty nest syndrome after 20 years

Lovely post Day6. One little thing to add though; make the most of the peace and quiet before the grandchildren arrive! ?

imm6 I know just what you mean. Mine live locally and I have lovely GC I see regularly but I miss the times my children were small. Also I realise I didn't appreciate it at the time. Time passes so quicklyveitjout us realising it, I'm trying hard to remember that with my GC but sometimes it's hard not to just get caught up in day to day living

Bordersgirl, I had a huge pile of photos too. I had six children and also loved photography!
What I did ( in an unused room for few days) is divided them up into seven piles. Six of the piles were each child,and the seventh pile, a general ‘we are all in the picture equally ‘
So whichever child was the main subject got the picture, if they were all equally on the pic, that went on the seventh pile. At the end,divided the seventh pile between them, honestly it was like dealing cards out!
Then bought six boxes ( the ones you can roll under the bed) labelled each, and also put anything else in of theirs, ie; school reports, school modelling, birth wrist bands,their old exercise books.When each child has bought their own house I’ve given the box to them, so THEY can choose what to do with their own history. They thought it was cheesy, until they had their own kids, then bang! they loved it!!

I agree wholeheartedly with CarlyD7 post.

I look back fondly on the years of bringing up little ones - I loved it. Two of mine live nearby so I see lots of them and their children.

I would love to do it all again, but take great delight in the GC and just accept that each phase of life has its good and bad things, knowing I have to embrace this late phase with a good grace.

And I have photo albums chock full of memories. Didn't it all go by in a flash!?

I know how you feel but it probably won't be all that long before you find yourself knee deep in GC.
I have 3 here at the moment & another 3 coming at weekend!!

The beauty of it is that you get a break from GC.

My message was meant for morningmistystar

I do understand the empty feeling of not having anything worthwhile to fill the days and not having friends Other grandsnetters usually have lots of suggestions for hobbies etc
The only thing that really helps me is my 4 year old grandson but he and my son and partner will be moving to another part of the country in a years time .
One day might you have the joy of grandchildren to look forward to?

An additional point. When my children were young, I knew my role was hopefully to produce two happy independent adults who had a purpose in life. My daughter was late diagnosed with Aspergers and suffers from ME. She is disabled and lives at home. As a result, I don't know what my role is now and I have some difficulty in coming to terms with this.

Two of mine just left for uni but with a long gap I had two more in my 40’s so mine range from 21 to 9.
I’m dreading my only daughter going to uni in Sept but have the little ones to keep my busy - I’m 53 so they should see me into my old age - I imagine I’ll be too exhausted to care by then! Hopefully older ones may have given me some GC.
Property is so expensive in London, I might just keep the youngest illiterate so he is poorly paid and has to live with mum ( joke) ... we were taking the two younger ones to Spain tomorrow but older teo got wind if it so now we’re ALL going!

What strikes me is that parents - especially mothers - are encouraged to give their all to their children, and if they try to carve out a social life or even a job they love from "family time" wow do the critics come down on them for "being selfish". And then when the children leave, we are supposed to let them go (i.e. our "lives") and not mourn them, or the life we had, but "get on with our lives" including making new friends - which, for a lot of us means starting again. I think mothers, in particular, can't win!

I recently came to the conclusion it's why I hate spare rooms. Rooms which sit there dead, empty, without a purpose except to be there for when the kids come and they come alive again for a few days. Those old children's bedrooms which became spare. I was happy to downsize and only have one proper spare room - and that doubles as a study. No empty nests.

Me too Imm6 it’s only been three years but it’s still hard. Yes I have interests etc and my daughter visits and we visit her but I think there are other factors like losing our parents, retirement etc it’s not as simple as just get some hobbies. Like anything in life it affects people in different ways. Also, what I have learned some people have a better support system as well

Being at home, bringing up three children was a stage in life that I loved. Due to having learning difficulties, AS is still with me, so I'm not alone, but nor am I entirely free to please myself, but that's fine. When on holiday, sometimes I'm envious when I see families with young children.

100% empathise here, even tho I am close to, and see loads of my 3 AC, their partners and all 5GC. I lead a very full life with lots of holidays and lots of friends, and my glass is always nearly full .... all the GC are also quite independent now, even the youngest 3 need minimum supervision. However, the nostalgia I feel when looking back on old photos is immense and quite overwhelming. Just proves they were my happiest times and the years just go by too quickly, but how lucky are we to have experienced it all ....

Very little contact with ds and gs. Heartbreaking. Have a friend who has become like a daughter to me so the lack of family contact melts into the background. Moved as well so dont have room reminders

Certainly do, and have had floods of tears many times. I brought up my little family on my own - whilst at school i worked, whilst they slept i worked - 2 jobs (4 days & 6 nights) and managed to take them out to concerts, cinema, meals out and trips to different places. I think if you give so much of yourself (chose not to enter into relationships as no time for anyone else) you feel bereaved when they have now left. One is a solicitor and one a journalist so well done me - but i am lost and feel so incredibly empty. Unable to do my work which earned well as seriously arthritic -(the body is not geared to work an 18 - 20 hour day) but drive and do shopping etc., - prob is i didn't have time for friends so now don't have any. Everything was in tip top order, house garden and all the necessaries - i was like a robot. OK i do have my own home now which i have paid off - but i fill my day with housework chores and shopping - and little else and feel incredibly empty. Sorry - just saying it as it is.

I haven’t suffered the empty nest syndrome too much as have spent a lot of time helping them with their homes and gardens, I do wonder though how I managed to do so much back in the day - I seemed to pack in a lot more of everything, cooking, cleaning, DIY, and still have spare time for more pleasurable activities. I suppose I’ve just slowed down which is a bit depressing. Available time and energy is much reduced!

This is so pertinent to me!
I am about to lose my last living at home after parenting albeit adult children this week after 37 years...
My youngest almost 24 finally has her own home.
We h@ve never been alone, I guess we still have the dogs..
I am mixed, a little excited at the clearance and space. But oh so sad too, two are nearby and one in another country but it’s still going to be a strange new world for us.

We all look back and wonder where time went to.

Of course it takes time to adjust to the fact that the children we cared for and loved are now grown up and can manage on their own.

Try to do some of the things now that weren't possible with children living at home.

I'm absolutely with Day6 on this. Feel free as air and love it but the regular contact with my children both physical and verbal is adrenaline indeed.

Never suffered from empty nest, they left home to go to university and never returned. I was only 44 when last one left home so was able to do anything I liked and I did

Sounds like yours is a very full life paddyann Your family must be very grateful for all your support.

i've never had an empty nest ,my son's daughter has been with us since she was a baby,Only half of each week but she feels just like one of my own .her dad only moved out 18 months ago and we decided she should stay until she wants to move in with him and his new partner.So she's here for 2 nights a week and at her dads 2 nights before going home to her mum .I have the other 3 GC on weekends to give their mum a break as her husband works away and she has to cope with them as well as her chronic health issues .So this is a busy house still full of nonsense and laughter and fighting girls and paints and playdough and I love every minute of it

I miss them but don't miss the mess!

I've moved home three times since they left home so I never see "their bedrooms".