Empty nest syndrome after 20 years

Day6 is right, enjoy the peace and time to pursue your own interests,
Another stage of life to take pleasure in as we did with our children.

When my second daughter married I hated the empty house where I had brought the two up, kept going into their bedrooms. So moved house.

Those years when the children are small are indeed special and I look back at those times with pleasure. I've got four children and the youngest one is still back and forth at home because she is a student.

However, I've had three of my grandchildren to stay since Thursday and my goodness, it's non-stop! I've given up tidying away the toys until they leave on Tuesday.

It;s taken me a little while to appreciate not having to think about the adult children under my roof. The youngest moved out in 2013.

At first I felt quite bereft, and without purpose in a way, given they no longer needed me. I think it is true to say that they don't hurt the way their parents hurt when they go out into the world and become independent. For parents it's like their reason for being has vanished.

I missed them so much at first. I was quite tearful. However, I soon I began to feel the advantages. No more trail of mess left in their wake, no hurting for them when things went wrong in their lives. No more cooking and cleaning up or thinking about meals. (I was a single parent so no partner to consider either.) No more nagging or feeling they might be taking advantage, no more floor-drobes and the washing machine being used every day - and the bathrooms stayed clean, as did the rooms they vacated.

Oh I missed their presence, and the quiet without them in the house took some getting used to.

They don't need me any longer, but I still worry about them and think about them every single day. I do however pat myself on the back that they took off and coped with independent life and have a work ethic and are doing well.

I have adjusted and much as I love them, would find it difficult to have them under my roof 24/7 now.

You are right Doodledog - the children moving on is a rite of passage we must go through as we grow older.

My take on it however Imm6 is that we have earned this quiet time, this time to be free of the responsibility for others. I hope you have a loving relationship with your AC and they contact you and visit you still. I do look back, and yes, those years flew by when they were small and our whole lives revolved around family. We cannot go back though, or turn back the clocks. I hope you find some satisfaction in the fact you gave them a good home life, and prepared them well for adult life without you.

Try not to feel you have lost something and enjoy the freedom you now have to do your own thing, if you can.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Yes, I know what you mean. I think there are a number of factors at play.

It takes ages to bring up our children to be self reliant (and if we are lucky they are also lovely young people), then as soon as we do it they go and get lives of their own .

At the same time, we might be leaving work, or cutting back on hours, so there is more time for us to fill, and fewer people in the house, so there is a big gap.

Also, having grown up children marks another life stage for us, which can be difficult in itself. They are now the 'current' generation, and we have moved into the older one.

Mine haven't been gone as long as yours (more like 10 years including being away at university), but I do miss them both.