Angry with OH

Too old in years for life insurance SirChenjin it's just a race to the final post now to see who gets to spend the nest egg after woodland burial deductions.

Thinking about your foreign sounding moniker made me suspicious of your true origins.
Sure you're not Comrade Sirge Enjin, who enjoys frequent day trips to Salisbury to sell old Avon overstocks?

I am unable to comment on my position within HMG but I can divulge that I have Daniel on speed dial. I'll say no more <taps nose>

Gt Dane hasn't asked you to sign anything recently with the words life and insurance on it, has he?

SirChenjin that's a brilliant idea. I've long suspected you were a government operative, and we all know Daniel Craig wants to pack it in. Are you lined up to take his place as an expert in covert surveillance?

I think Gt Dane's been watching too much CBS Crime and his brain cell is overstimulated. A few days ago he gave me my rollator without straightening the front bar and as I leaned on it, it squashed shut nearly pitching me headfirst into an Aldi trolley.
Told you he had a vicious side.

Perhaps that's why he decided to eat your fruit and nut?

In fact - I'm beginning to wonder if the worm isn't starting to turn a bit. It's all looking a bit suspiscious...massacred bushes, mysterious plooks on your nose. I'd sleep with one eye open from now on and set up a GN codeword for 'Help Me' if I were you

SirChenjinn cruel I save money on sweets by making Gt Dane suck my joggers before I put them in the washing machine

Ahhh...the old 'chocolate stain' excuse

Jani31 LOVE flakes but can't eat them. I always drop bits and then sit on them so I have horrid stains on my jog pants

Sorry, but I have sniggered through all of this ?
ps, I loved Flake when I was pregnant, Paul hid them on top shelf out of my way as he knew I would scoff the lot ?

Thank you all so much for this thread! I am going to bookmark it for future reference. I really needed a good laugh. (Sitting here with a dying dog and OH just said let’s go to dogs’ home NOW to pick up a replacement! DD and I are choosing our weapons of choice and I’ve hidden his bus pass.)

Gt Dane is still getting on what's left of my nerves.
He's actually cutting his toenails in the back room while listening to Pop Master!

I wouldn't mind but OH can eat anything at all ( and does) without putting an ounce on.
I only have to look at a packet of crisps and it's 5 pounds on the scales, which is the reason I gave up giving up and just stuff down anything I want nowadays.
Your poor magnolia, I LOVE magnolias!

PS. Eating your fruit and nut is the final straw!

Not unreasonable at all. I have banned my husband from any sort of pruning after he cut down my magnolia tree and twisted willow. He also decided to cut back one of our oak trees which subsequently died, tree surgeons now do our work!!! He is OK with the vacuum so I let him clean while I garden. He is happy and so is the garden!

Confession time ladies - it is role-reversal in our house in that I am the ultimate pruning freak!

My husband has been known to tell me off and call a halt to my passion. I get completely lost in the moment when I have secateurs or long-handled loppers in my hands.

I have even attacked next door's overgrown bushes (with our neighbour's permission of course) when I run out of pruning possibilities in our own garden.

A sad case of "I prune, therefore I am", if ever there was one!

I don't think I've laughed as much for years as I have with this thread. The dog is getting quite worried at me hooting away.
I spent quite a few weeks nurturing 24 Millionaire's Bells and by the time it came to harden them up for planting, I had 4 very bedraggled specimens left. For a week, I put them in the same place in the garden and brought them back indoors overnight. Just as I was considering planting them, my husband went out of the door, inexplicably took a sharp left and kicked them across the patio. "Why would anybody suddenly put plants there?" he asked. Somewhere in my tirade I told him where I'd put them if I managed to grow anything next year!

Barmeyoldbat that's a brilliant idea about saying your side/my side. I'm going to try that one!

His sister said she was the same about confusing directions, so it must be a strange genetic defect on the Dane DNA.
Her mother used to tie a ribbon through the lace ups on her right shoe to remind her.

Unfortunately Great Dane can't do laces up nowadays so all his shoes are slip ons.

Omg these posts cheer me up, they make me sympathise but laugh like hell at the same time. I can so relate to them

Easting the chocolate mind you I could not forgive and forget. Its a hanging offence in my book. Luckily Mr Barmey isn't bothered about chocolate.

Carodane, your dreadful experience of shopping for lubricant in a supermarket reminded me when I was in Thailand and went into a large store and found the chemist bit. I was hunting around for some lubricant when this beautiful female in a white coat said in a male voice "can I help you madam" (a lady boy) Yes I replied I a looking for some talcum powder.

Also the left and right problem. When we are in the car and instructions are being given we say turn your side or turn my side so there is no confusion.

Mr Barmey is not a bad old bat for doing things I must admit or maybe its my attitude of whatever makes him happy let him get on with.

My OH chopped my carefully nurtured cottoneaster.... His main aim in life is to fill the green bin, whenever it's bin day. So every fortnight I'm on garden watch. You just never know what he's got his eye on next! Grr...

Ah Ninarosa you must have been laughing all the next day. Brilliant thread!

My DH has been banned from gardening since he mowed my Star of Bethlehem just before it was due to flower!

Think I'm going to hide all the secateurs, clippers and trimming tools as my OH has just passed the comment " I think I'll trim the lavender in the spring because it's overhanging the path " !!!!! ? Isn't that what lavender is supposed to do????

Do any of you ever trim your husband's hair by any chance ?

If so, I'd have a cunning plan for the phantom shrub lopper. Get your own back.

???