Speaking of other halves ...

My granny advised me to keep some secret money, I think she would have been horrified if I had thought it was my leaving fund though!?

There were a few years when my DH was the only earner and he gave me housekeeping and an allowance so I didn’t have to keep asking him for money. It wasn’t much but we didn’t have much.
For most of my married life I have run my own business so we have a joint account and my business account ( that’s the one I share with the tax man!).
Luckily I haven’t needed a leaving fund but I do use my earnings for big purchases and if I had to go then I could.

I don’t, but my MiL did. She kept a stash in her sewing patterns. Luckily SiL knew about it and didn’t just throw the patterns out when MiL died.

Norstat 46, You really should be on commission. I too have just bought a pair of boots in the Moshulu sale and also an early Christmas present of slippers for my son.

Gabor shoes are lovely Ninarosa ...

A leaving fund of at least £5 k is a good idea, I read somewhere.

However it might not be possible to save if you are trying to leave a violent or paranoid partner who monitors your every move including your post.

Good luck to anyone saving because they need to or escaping for their safety ???

I did with my ex-husband. I had to keep it very secret otherwise he would have stolen it when I wasn't looking...not for the first time. Now I have no need of one. If I was really unhappy, I know my husband would be fair to him as long as I was to him. With his last wife, he willingly took on all the debts and gave her all the assets. The court threw the divorce out 3 times because the Judge couldn't believe he hadn't been coerced but my husband stuck to his guns because he said it gave her a chance to stay in the house with his kids. Six months later, his ex did the dirty on him by taking his kids to live 250 miles away. I hope he's not once bitten, twice shy. Perhaps he's a keeper, just in case!

No need as I manage the money, by mutual consent ?

Many years ago I had a 'secret' fund in my POSB (Post Office Savings Account). Not really a leaving fund but just a bit of money in case I wanted to buy myself something. We weren't actually all that well off and I knew that DH would suck it into the housekeeping if he knew about it. However, he became too ill to continue working, we went on to benefits and we had to declare what money we had so my secret fund was found out (and soon spent).

Sounds like my emergency "atms are down" drawer Avor... its dipped into more than its added to

I have had my 'running away' money in a cupboard in the bedroom for 30 years, sadly I keep dipping in to it for presents, Christmas, clothes, holidays ...................... so I think I have about £20 at the moment. Getting there . How could I leave my DH, he is the only one that loads the dishwasher correctly !!!???!!!???

Wicklow an emergency fund doesnt = an unhappy marraige.

Quite the opposite usually. You built it up when things are good. Its making hay while the sun shine!

My husband had a work colleague who, when his wife died, could not understand why he was finding money in all the pockets of her clothes, tucked away in drawers and cupboards, even little purses in the toes of her shoes.
She had not expected to die first and he thought what a happy marriage it had been. I didn't enlighten them even though I had no idea about her leaving fund. A case of sleeping dogs lie.

No, I dont.

notanan2
And what pays for efficient lawyers... emergency funds!

You are so right!

and CrazyH I used the lawyer recommended by the Marriage Guidance people (now Relate). My ex was very aggressive and I think she was as unnerved by him as I was.

*Sparkle, I'm sorry you had such a bad deal. So did Maggie and some others.
I can only say, you probably didn't have a very efficient lawyer*

And what pays for efficient lawyers... emergency funds!

DH when he gave me my engagement ring said it was a large plain diamond which if inthe event of an emergency I would be able to pawn it and it should see me safe

Same. DH got me a ring that I could cash in in an energency. That is why women traditionally collected jewellery.

Current fashions disregard this.

Yes - IFA (male) always recommends ‘running away’ fund. Wonder if DH has the same ...........??

Love moshulu shoes. Always looked in the St.Davids shop when visiting family there. Will be tempted if it’s still there when nearby again in a couple of weeks.

DD No.1 didn’t approve of, or like, much older SiL No.2 so set up an Escape Fund’ for her younger sister many years ago! DD No.1 now divorced while DD No.2 and husband recently celebrated their Silver Wedding!

Yes, but it didn’t start as a ‘running away’ fund - I started saving £2 coins when they first came into circulation. The pot mounted up more quickly than I expected, and every time I had a couple of hundred quid, I changed it into bank notes (easier to stash around the house!). When our marriage eventually started to go wrong and I thought I might need to leave home in a hurry, I had over £2000 in cash, which I hid in my car, under the spare wheel. The day I left, I was very glad of it, even though I had my own salary and was able to switch that from our joint account to a new account in my sole name the next week.

I didn't have and worried so much that it made me ill. I needed to leave and take the kids with me as my other half had threatened to kill us all. My bank gave great advice telling me they'd immediately open a new account in my name and move everything across (he never paid into the joint account anyway and drank all of his wages). They said to leave a couple of pounds in old account and that he'd not be able to go overdrawn by more than £25. Because they knew situation, I had reassurance about bills and wages, etc. So glad it all worked out and best thing I ever did. Took me a while but I'm debt and mortgage free now and grown up
kids are safe.

My Mum had her own account and took me to her bank when I started work to set up an account , I kept it going so that when I was working thats where my salary went . When I got married OH would hand me a tenner every saturday for housekeeping , actually at first it was MIL who gave me the money till I objected . Oh then set up a joint account , we used it for utilities tax bill car etc , and I got food , clothes , holidays from my own account as I worked in between children . When he died 16 months ago I couldn't bear to spend "his" money . I still spend my own pension and seldom use the old joint account which is now in my name of course

DH when he gave me my engagement ring said it was a large plain diamond which if inthe event of an emergency I would be able to pawn it and it should see me safe. A kind man then and still kind and thoughtful now but pawnbrokers are a vanished race. But he was thinking of my safety and welfare .

Oh MaggieMaybe I guess you are not my wife, but you could extremely well be, we have always had a joint account, but she runs it. The kids needed shoes and clothes, we all needed food, what I needed I just asked for and mostly she would get it for me, often for birthday/Christmas if it was a larger item. I was at work or at sea so could never get near a shop. Now I am retired, very happy to have it all sorted for me. I guess if she wanted to run she would have done so years ago, so we will doubtless continue as we have for the past forty years and, for my sanity and peace of mind, I almost hope I go first.

The night before I married my Dad took me to one side and handed me an envelope containing money.
He told me that he hoped I'd never need it but to keep it safe and add what I could to it...he also advised me never to 'let him know' and never have a joint account.
Sadly, I did need it and if I hadn't have had that safety net, life could have been very difficult for me.

I've worked with many vulnerable women over the year's and it's the one piece of advice that could have helped so many.

On the way to my wedding my father gave me £50 cash so I could get away for a night safely if needed. I have always had independent savings which I consider a safety net. I have never needed to use it but it has been a close call once or twice! Highly recommend all women to have a little something somewhere.